Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Me inside / my own factotum

9

Kole Lack-sense was my best friend back in the early years. Sharing toys & trading games at the elementary school with our mascot being a glowing blue & white mythological horse then later on shared metal & punk records in high school. At the age of 14 he stopped caring about the things he deemed 'un-cool' and foretold of a homiletic interchange. He discovered a bride for himself whom didn't feel the same towards him at his HS. The girl whom also went with his real best friend. I ended up being pushed to the side.
This girl introduced punk music to Kole along with the rest of us and he climbed up to another level then deemed me invaluable because I wasn't keeping up fast enough in the running track in his mind. Preached his bullshit on group calls with other friends one day then preached it the next week when trying to have a fun time in his filthy room.
Like a malnourished slug I was famishing under the steel sun with invisible slit wrists. We we're all famishing. We we're all dying to know who our real fathers we're.. Kole always knew his like how I always knew mine but the rage & anger kept us both at the dock of the bay. Being naturally introverted I held back and kept my emotions tucked away inside. Allowing all sorts of atrocities to be done to me where as my best friend Kole was outward in his rejected fire.
Seems as though Plato foretold how the same person is cut in half by God's knife somewhere up in the cosmos, the splitting of 1 soul. After the razor slice God knitted both into two different mother's wombs. That was Kole & I I reckon. One a hot head on the outside and one a hot head on the inside.
I would get pissed off about almost everything he said yet I still kept coming around like a beaten down wife returning home to the prime abuser. Always showing up at his house or that damned skate park. I had to adapt, didn't have a choice. Be around my parents screaming and fighting in the living room after pops got off from the job he hated or be around the crew who always belittled me or threw objects at me and always put me down.
Looking back at that time puts absolute hate and sorrow in my heart. I mean it truly is a miracle that I didn't purchase a gun with as many rounds as I could afford and murder everyone I knew. I am a goal oriented person and the only reason I believed in not committing suicide was entering into wrestling school to continue the path of sadomasochism just as my idol had done: Cactus Jack.
This ran in the blood line. Despair. Anyways, there wasn't much more time to sit and go over these things. I had to go to sleep and get up for work tomorrow.