24/03/10

tonight
you've been appointed to save me.
i'm the girl with the camera
and the gaze
drunken, slumberous,
heady.
i'd do anything
to have somebody
stroke my cheek
and call me beauty.
you did.
whispered in my ear,
'what do i have to do
to get you to kiss me?'
i shouted back:
impress me.
put my bits back together
in working order
and you can claim a piece.
keep talking
because you sound just like my first love
and you taste like him too.

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

Enjoyed this first line:

"tonight you've been appointed to save me."

Appointed by fate perhaps?

"put my bits back together
in working order
and you can claim a piece."

Golden.

"because you sound just like my first love
and you taste like him too."

Not always a good thing is it?

Enjoying your writing.
Antonio

[W.k.kortas]

I love the "claim a piece", which works on several levels. It's tightly constructed, but (at least to me) has a slightly dreamy feel, which is a tough combination to pull off. Very fine work.