10/03/10

i painted you on a postcard
and sent you away
to be handled by the gruff men
who deliver the mail.
in the city
seventy starlings
made their headlong flight
into the cold concrete
of the paving stones
the impact smashed their tiny beaks
crushed their fragile little bones.
you came back to me
with a dent in your heart
lost and alone.
i am a fool--
and i gave you a home.

Reviews

[.]

"i painted you on a postcard
and sent you away..."
wow-what a great first line!
"i am a fool--
and i gave you a home."
...and great last line!
i really love this creative poetry:-)
a great great poem!!!

james:-)

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

That is such a smart tender poem , I like your style :) Yossi

[Ms. Gruye]

lovely little write down. I am not usually one to prattle on the accolades, but I have no suggestions that could make this stronger, so well done and viva la

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

WOW...this was amazing...

[fireblossom]

I'm gonna stop emoting all over the place after reading your poetry. I am certain to put you off...

You wrote an emotional love song about a someone loved and then protected...what more could we ask from a loved one?

Simple and elegant. Beautiful.

[ailme]

i like this also.. even more. be my friend.
ps i am now being nice.

[hanzabonanza]

Such a lovely poem :) simple, elegant and beautiful- well done.

[wolfshrew]

short and strong, it would be a wonderful song.

[Emily B]

I'm glad I came to see, well worth the cost of admission . . . such a lovely piece of work

[W.k.kortas]

I would like to say I have a clue why I like--check that, love--this piece. Perhaps it is the fairy-tale feel (or, if you are of a certain age, that "Fractured Fairy Tale" feel) of it, the notion of painting someone on a postcard or the seventy starlings, which (to me, anyway) is reminiscent of "four and twenty blackbirds"--but there is the presence of "the gruff men" who carry the mail, and the starlings who do not cheep cheerily like the baked blackbirds, but rather crash into the pavement. It is all presented to us without ornate language or a lot of muss and fuss. What is necessary is here, and there is nothing here that is unnecessary.