lost

just like before,

but i am not here.

i am no-self girl.

i became you;

and we became us.

the barriers collapsed

i learned to trust.

i lost myself.

i became a kind of her

the kind who can't fight

(in love)

always trying to be nice.

i am not nice.

i am not who i was.

i dropped my soul

like it burned to the touch.

i denied too much.

now here,

with you,

you say;

'abyss,

black coffee

i consider you to be

to the bottom

and him?

what was there to see?'

who has he made me?

i think i'll find out

if i keep re-filling this glass.

if i keep asking questions

i never thought to ask.

 

with you,

this sullen year past.