maytag

high school sweethearts i've
sweet memories still
the hallow's eve
of muttered vulgarities
and i rested in the other room
as i feigned sleep
so you wouldn't touch me.
all my time spent
dodging caresses and cajoling
i didn't know what to do
and i didn't want to learn
and you'd smoke in a fury.
i owed you for your patience
with my hopeless state of mind
and remember the time
i was pinned to the bed
by a boy with a mission
to infect and occupy a prone being
as she kisses him back to placate him.
bruised under running water
tears of confusion, of strangled want
part of the fantasy world
that you didn't understand.
lie close, but not too close.
and now i see you every day
all that happened i can't erase
you look right through me
or else too much
and i'm still pretending.