where's that little girl i used to know?

i saw you, today,

where you spend your time (your life).

still stuck working in hospitality

but you were quick to inform me

a changed man.

yes, you have changed

hair longer now, body language with more gravity.

i remember how your hands

used to shake with emotion

and those overwhelming nerves

your compulsion

to organise the world.

you folded me in your arms

like it hadn't been five years.

you helped me conclude

what i already knew

you were ill then.

you found me hard to love.

i was with my grandmother

who got told the basic story

as you waited tables

and bussed

and tried not to look our way.

she looked upon my patterned body,

said scornfully;

"i bet he's thinking

'what has she done to herself?

where is that little girl

i used to know?'"

i didn't tell her

we made love with the first snow.

when i gave myself to you

i was a tender nineteen.

a heart that was so full.

shy and delicate

a porcelain doll

of beauty and grace.

when you took me

i was an observer

of the passionless apathy

my mind flew high above my body

an escape from the distaste.

i see myself through your eyes

now reflected back at me.

i am undeniably a woman

this provocative

newfound sensuality

catching your interest

intrigued, finally.

because it's written all over me

that i've known ecstasy

swelled with a baby

and birthed him in sweet agony.

i've nurtured children

in my arms

joined together a family

provided women

a safe place for their soul to be.

let an artist

run his inks all over my body.

set jewels and adornments 

in the face that once turned from yours

in vain, to eradicate

the cold closeness.

my grandmother imagines you see

a degenerate, a travesty.

but i remember my innocence

and the way you walked all over me.

the disgust i had for my body

that i let you use, half-willingly.

where is that little girl you used to know?

she's long gone, 

away with the winter cold.

the places i have been

you will never get to know

forged me anew

the depths i have reached

the love that i have shown.

the pride i hold in my body

the strength, your lingering eyes

almost 

cannot bear to see.

thank you for setting me free.

Reviews

[Robert Parlange]

We are never the same people from one moment to the next. Your poem shows this well. We grow with time and sometimes others don't perceive that. They see us as they want to see us. An image they formed of us long ago. Good work.

One small typo, the line “in see myself through your eyes” perhaps should be “i see myself through your eyes.” I may be wrong.

[J.Michele]

This is an incredible poem about self journey, I love it!