Fri(end)

Is there any point in loving people?

And I don’t mean love-love,

Just love at all.

Is there a high before the fall?

Because I’ve loved people, but I’ve reached the point,

Where each person is just delusions

From a half-forgotten joint,

Made up from facts I twisted myself.

 

It’s a sad fact to face,

When you’re last in the race and you realize

No one

Is ever going to love you

Like you love them.

No one will want you,

Or ever be at hand,

Just begging for love like you do.

 

I’m breathing in water,

So I can wonder why I choke,

I’m smashing myself,

Only to see what I’ve broke.

See what I’ve shattered.

But in the end,

What do I matter?

Yes, we are friends, but I will always need you more.

I’m some sort of pet;

Some bizarre charity case that at times you regret,

But then I’ll do you a favor, and you will remember why you keep me around.

I’m not wanted, and that’s the truth.

I’m no necessity,

I only hold a place in your life, because I put it there,

Shoved my way in,

Kicking and screaming, with enough blood to beat sin.

I give and I give and I give,

And all I ever receive is a pat on the head,

A “good girl!” maybe, then it’s as if I were dead.

I want to be loved as a friend, as a person, as a something.

I just want to have my love be equaled.

If I’m ready to die in your place, the least you could do is remember my face.

Maybe once in a while ask if I’m okay,

Because I’m not.

I can’t ever say that, though,

It’s against the rules to let you know

That I am broken.

Not only broken, but shattered.

I must pretend to be okay for you,

But the truth is, Darling, if you only knew,

That I am far from okay.

And you write little messages saying that you “love me,”

And that you’re “always there to talk!” cuz I am “the bestest in the WHOLE WORLD!”

But you know what?

No.

No, you did not mean that.

And even if you did, why should I be dumping my problems on you?

You don’t deserve that.

It’s not your problem I was manufactured broken.

And that’s why I smile.

And that’s why I act okay.

Because it’s only through lies

That I get you to stay.

And I just can’t bear to be lonely again;

Even if I starve for the touch of a hand.