Have A Wonderful Life

inspired by the last words of a short conversation...

“Have a wonderful life,” he said into the phone.

 

I froze. A wonderful life? What about him? Where would he be? I remembered to breathe a moment later.

“You too,” I responded mechanically, still struck by his last words. I hung up quickly and dropped the phone. The wall. It looked inviting. I stared at it wondering why I never noticed how beautiful the simplicity was. Why couldn’t life be more like a wall?

I shook my head and stood up. I stretched myself upward for a few seconds before walking to the coffee pot to refill my cup.

A wonderful life…

A wonderful life…What the hell did he mean?

Again I shook my head, trying to shake away the thought.

I looked at the wall again and took a sip of coffee. What would it be like to live between the walls?

It’d be like reading minds…only it would just be words…just lies. What more were words than lies these days anyway? I couldn’t even begin to count the times I’d lied …but…then again…doesn’t everyone?

I sighed. I should try to be more honest. I cracked a smile at that. Wouldn’t it be great though? To have everyone hate me for who I really am? A giggle passed my lips. Sure…and Santa Clause is real. I’m not going to give myself away like that. It’s not like half the people care that I’m not me.

I crossed from the kitchen to the living room and sat down in my ‘emo chair.’ Another sip of coffee and I was thinking again.

What if I was just looking at all the signs the wrong way? Maybe there wasn’t anything to it…just emptiness. I shook my head. No…the signs don’t lie. Just be glad the right ones have revealed themselves to him.

The right ones? What, the ones that change his mind? I don’t want him thinking one thing because its wrong…but I don’t want…never mind.

Good thoughts. Pleasant thoughts…no more nightmare realities inside my head…

Ugg…too late. What’s the next chapter? Does it end here? Another day? Time? Will it hurt? Or will it just be like the last two days?

I’ve been stuck inside my head for the last two days and it’s the absolute last place I want to be now. I want to actually live instead of the whole just going through the actions façade. It’s like I’m on autopilot right now – like I’m in a war in my head trying to be optimistic about it, but the Glass-Half-Full side is getting stomped. Grrr…does it get any better?

A wonderful life…

Alone? Together? Reassurance, please? I can’t help that I’m so pitifully insecure with myself and everything else…everything else has let me down…what reason do I have not to expect the same?

I stood up and went to get another cup of coffee.

I began to question if I should really worry all that much? Everything seemed to be falling into place…except me.

There are pieces everywhere…but now’s not the time for that…

This is about the signs…

A wonderful life? What gives? Am I that dependent that I begin to panic upon hearing him voice that sentence? Man, that’s sad…

I appreciate you now? Come on now…What did I do that was unappreciated before?

A wonderful life? Don’t worry about that…I will make my life wonderful…one way or another…with out ‘relapsing…’

I sighed again. Why is it that I wanted to scream at that very moment? Wasn’t there a quieter way to let my frustrations out? …besides I can’t concentrate with everything that’s going on inside of me.

I shook my head again…I couldn’t get the words out of my head.

What was I supposed to say to that? Is there a correct response? “Have a wonderful life?” What…is he not coming back…Is there something more than that statement? My lame “You too,” finally found its way into words…I’m glad I didn’t really freeze up completely…At least I didn’t give myself away…

Before I took a sip of the coffee I’d just fixed, I walked to the sink and poured it out. I figured that if I were going to escape all the thoughts, it might as well start now…

Have a wonderful life…
 

Reviews

[James Ci]

i had to reread a little, because i got confused, but i love how real it seems. i meen that its easy to empathize with this character, especially after knowing similar situations. bravo!! :]

[Robert Erickson]

have a wonderful life =) this is good and seems so real to me , you do a great job of creating a vivid reality and accurate emotions in this =D