Introduction & Chapter 1

Pre-face

This story isn't some happily ever after story. This is a story of how Layla grew up, how she found herself, and her place in the world. Right in time too. Tradgies come in the middle of life. Right when everything is completely perfect.

Chapter 1- New life, New Struggles

"Push! Come on Sarah. Almost there." I could see how much my mother feared. I could see it in her eyes, as I sat on this leather couch and watched myself being born. 16 years ago, when I came into this world. I sat and wondered what It would be like to be that baby again. I wondered what I had been thinking there. From my point of view, It looked like I didn't want to come out and face the world. I eventually came out alot easier. I had started life. Since that day, I must of hated it. Because all I remember was never wanting to grow up, I wanted to stay little. Where all I had to worry about was not spilling s**t, and making sure I didn't wet the bed. Those days were so much easier. They weren't like the days I had now. Where you had to constenitely struggle to reach the In-crowd, stay with trends, face the wrath of high school. Soon, I would be off on my own. To face the world, find myself. I was 16, and had no idea who I was, who I wanted to be, Where I wanted to go. I guess I don't have the time to find myself. Im constantly babysitting. My mom is a single mom, with 4 kids. Not including me. Its such a struggle sometimes. Two twins almost two, a four year-old boy, and a seven year old boy. And then me, a sixteen year old girl (according to my mother, a lady). My dad left us when Sarah( my mom) was preganant with Scott and Clara. 2 years ago. We lived in some apartment off in the middle of crime-central. Not the best part of our town. Soon after he left us, POP! The twins were born. We were under alot of pressure then. I babysit, and we hired another babysitter. I started high school. Now, I was a junior in high school, and really had to focus on school. I never was really that pretty. I had jet-black hair that roughly come to my waist, green eyes, and was always stick thin. I hated being stick thin. I wanted to be not skinny, but not fat. I wore my moms clothes, and most of them didnt fit. My name was Layla. Now come on, how many times do you meet a girl named Layla. I didnt care about trends, and hated the IN-crowd. I hated high school, and I hated the world. I hated life. I hated my mom. I hated my dad. I hated everything.

I turned off my thoughts, and stared back at the tv. MY mom was smiling as she held me. I was so tiny, I looked so fragile. I looked happy. For once. My dad held my moms hand and they just stared at me. I wondered If They ever regretted me. If they ever wished I hadn't been born. They held me, and cooed me to sleep. cooed my cries, my despearte cries of help. Back then was so much different from the present. I had no-one to go to when I was upset. I didn't have a best friend, a boyfriend, a mom to go to. she had her own problems. Or a dad. I talked to him every now and then. Only when I called him, he never called. I never thought and still dont think that he cares. Or misses us. He's too busy getting drunk, and trying to score girls. I wish he would come back. To his acutal family. The place he belongs. Home.

I turned off the Tv. It was too much, and it made my thoughts go abosuetely crazy. I hated it. Along with everything else. I thought about running away, sucide, every possible way to escape. But I couldn't do any of it. I couldn't leave my mom. I walked off to my- well my brother and I's room- and crawled into my bed and grabbed a book. Books were my innocent love. My happiness. The only thing I did that mattered. I pulled the covers, and read, and read, and read. I finally brought myself to put the book down. And I was back to reality. Stupid reality. I wanted to live in a book. I closed my eyes, and prepared myself for another day.

I caught the bus just on time as usual. Most juniors drove to school, but I didn't own a car. Yes, I did have a license. But no car. Sadly, no car. I got through the day. Classes boring as always, Lunch as depressing. Everyone ingorned me. I didn't talk. I rarely even talked. I wrote in my journal. I took it everywhere with me. And wrote in it as much as possible. I did well in school, got decent grades. But thats it. I had to be in school, cause I was forced to. I didn't want to. After lunch, I made me way to 5th period. Dazed, the teacher called on me. "Layla? You're needed in the office. You have a message from your mom." he said. "Uh, okay. Thanks." I grabbed my books, and left. I got into the office and they already knew who I was. "Layla, there's been an accident." the office lady said to me. Those words cut through me like broken glass being fligned into the air. I felt like I was going to explode. I had never felt so worried, so hurt. I heard voices all around me, hands on my shoulders, I heard the questions. I wasn't prepared to answer, feel, see, or hear any of this. "w...who got-t got hurt?" I stturted out. I could barely breathe, let alone speak. "Your mom, Scott, and Clara. They are in the hospital. Your mom is- Well, We'll let the doctors tell you. Weve called a cab to take you to the hospital. We couldn't reach your father, so we are just gonna send you there." I nodded and didnt bother going back to class to tell my teacher. I didn't bother grabbing my books from the chair I had left it in. I turned around and walked straight out of that building. I told the cab where, even though the driver already knew where he was going. It felt like we drove at the speed of light. The drive shouldve taken 15 minutes, and he turned it into 7 minutes. It was unbelivable.

I thanked the driver, and ran up to the room number I was given. I walked inside and clara was sitting there in a hospital bed, wrapped up in medical stuff. Thankfully, she was conisuess and her gaze flickered to me. "S-Sissy? Is that really you? Sissy? SISSY?" She started wailing. I ran to her and hugged her tightly. "Yes, Its sissy. Your okay, I have you. Shh. Just close your eyes, and get some sleep baby. you'll be fine. Sissy has you now." I had her sound asleep soon enough and paged for the doctor. "Uh, hi, Doctor Sesgale. I'm Clara's sister. Why aren't they in the same room? Where is my mother? where is my brother?" I asked frantically. "Please, take a seat. There was an accident as you know. Clara will recover. But your mother and Scott died at the scene. We tried to bring them back, we did our best. Ive talked to lawyers and such. And we are sending you, and the rest of your siblings to your dad's. I'm really sorry for your loss." He stared at me with pity. I couldn't breathe and was quite sure I was having a panic attack. They were dead? I thought my life had begun the day I was born. I was wrong, I was so dead wrong. my life began today. January 13, 2008. I had a brand new life, and new struggles. "No, no. your lying. That's not true. she can't be dead. She can't be dead. No, no, no! no! No! No! No!" I wailed through my tears. "Mommy's gone? Is scott gone too? I dont want them to be gone." I heard Clara's voice say. "Oh baby, I thought you were asleep. Mommy's gone. So is Scott. But I'll make it okay. It'll be fine. We'll be fine. We'll go home to chris, and Peter. We'll all be okay. I promise." I said trying to stop my tears. Then it was the strangest scene I'd ever been through. My two-year old sister was comforting me. Telling me not to cry, holding my hand. I climbed in the bed with her, and we layed there in silence. I finally had a best friend. But I had lost my mother, and my brother. And I had to play Mom now. My mom made me their godmother. I was sixteen, and had the respobiletely to take care of 3 kids. No matter what, they could not go live at my fathers. Their father too. No way. They couldn't be around that. I couldn't. I needed a job, a babysitter, maybe two jobs. I had a family to take care of now.

For hours we sat there in silence. But connected in thoughts. We held each other tightly and sometimes dried each other tears. Later that night, I had to say goodbye to clara for the night. I had to go home to the kids, now my kids. Clara cried as I left, and I felt so much pain. The most pain I had felt in a long time. I was compeltely numb to feeling until today. My life had gotten screwed over today.

I walked in the door, and told the babysitter she could go. chris walked up. "Yo. Wheres mom?" He was 7, and tried to act like he was 11, or 13. "Go wake up Peter. I have news. Not the best, but you guys need to know. Go wake him up." He followed my orders, and I waited till they were both sitting on the leather couch I had been on the night before. "Mommy, Scott, and clara got into an accident earlier today. Clara will be okay. But M-Mommy isn't coming home. Scott isn't either." I choked out. "They are dead? We don't have a mom now." Peter said. I saw tears fill up in chris's eyes and Peter's eyes filled up with tears soon after. "Oh boys, dont cry. It'll be okay. I'm your mommy now. I'll make sure everything is okay. It'll be like Mommy never left. I love you kiddos." I said trying to force a smile. we spent the rest of that night talking about Mom. We talked about the good things. We talked about her strengths, her love to cook, her bedtime stories, and everything she did good. I got them in bed and told them that the next day we would go see Clara. In one night, My life had changed completely. And it was most defiently for the worst. I walked to my mom's room and slept in her bed. I felt close to her. I could still smell her scent. Her sweet perfume was drifted everywhere. When I woke up, I pulled one of her sweatshirts over my head. I didn't know how many days I could last. My time was limited. Very limited. I called my school, and took the week off from school. They gave it to me easily, as I expected they would. They had been informed of what had happened. What had happened to my life.

"PeTER! CHRIS! YAY! THANK YOU SISSY!" clara screamed when I surprised her with her brothers. I then explained the me being mommy sitatuition. I told the kids they didnt have to call me mommy. And I didnt expect them too. They could still call me what they always called me, Layla. Well, Peter called me La sometimes. I didn't care what they called me. I also told them that they could call me mommy if they wanted to. The doctor informed me that Clara was amazingly lucky, and could be taken home that night. The only scar she would have left was the bright pink cast on her left arm. I would have to take her to get checked up monthly. Her arm had been badly fractured. But they said, she should be fine with the cast, and some pain pills. My kids played with each other, and they all talked about Mommy. And I smiled as I noticed they never once talked about Daddy. They didn't want him. And I finally felt happiness when Peter came up and hugged me. It meant so much, he never hugged anyone. he hated hugs. But he just came up to me, and hugged me. Didn't even say anything to me, just hugged me. And it was meant more than words could explain to anyone in the world. we stayed like that for the longest time. And afterward my shirt was damp from his tears. We waited the day out with Clara and played with her. I left the room, and called my lawyer. "Hi. I want to discuss my kids and I's locations. yes, she left me as the guardian. The godmother." "Well, your 16 hunny. We are sending you to your fathers with them." she said. "No d****t. We aren't going there. That, That man is not our father. And I'm not having my kids in some drunk's house. NO! My mother would not want that for her kids. Im staying right where we live. I can raise them. By myself. I can and I will. Oh, thank you. Thank you for letting me stay here." I had gotten so mad, and yet so calm. They were safe from him. They didn't need to even know how close they had come to being with him again. I didn't want them to know.

I walked back in the room to 3 beautiful faces. We got clara's stuff and I took them all home. I now had possesion of a car. My mother's car. And I had the rest of her money, and I was quite aware, that I had to move. And get an apartment. So I could still go to school, and afford to be a good mother/sister to the kids. Now, I wanted to go to school. I wanted to show the world what Layla Reedman was made of. What I could be and become. I had just taken a U-turn and headed towards where I wanted to be. I was on officaly on the road to find myself.

I went through the paper and found a nice little apartment up in the better side of town. I told the kids about moving. And they came with me to check it out. We all loved it, and we found out we could move in as early as january 29th. I made the deal, payed up and took the kids out to lunch. I took them to their favorite resutrant. It was a tad-bit expensive, but they deserved to go there. I pulled up in the parking lot of Friendlys and the kids were glowing. Seeing them happy, made me so happy. I wanted mom back, but being with them made me feel like I had her standing right next to me. They were my everything now. They were what I had left of my mother. of my life. They were the reason I hadn't killed myself yet. The reason I didn't want to. we walked inside, and I told them they could order anything they wanted. They eat healthy, and made up for it with ice cream. I finally made them stop for two reasons: afraid of spending so much, and I didn't want them puking all night. I paid the bill, and drove my family home. I let them watch Tv, and they all fell asleep on the couch. I moved them one-by-one to their proper beds. I kissed them goodnight, and went back to my mom's room. I moved my stuff into her room. Being in her room, was keeping me sane. I was afraid of trying to forget her, or trying to act okay. I knew I wasn't and I knew that she was standing beside me somehow through all of this. I got a call from the doctors saying that I should start to make details for the funeral. I told them I wanted them both creameated. And It could be January 17th. A saturday. We made the details and it was set. I could tell the kids all about it the next day. I didn't have to worry about guests. No-one else deserved to be there. We didn't know anyone else. I had my family and that's all I had in this world. I guess I did need to call Dad, and at least let him know that she had died. Along with scott. I bet he wouldn't care. I bet he would try and feel sorry for me. I bet he would be drunk when I called. I bet I would hear some female in the background, and know for a fact that he didn't give a s**t about her death, or my brothers death.

I also only had the kids for a temporary amount of time. I was sixteen, not eighteen. not of legal age. I needed something to make it with the kids till I was 18. Then I wouldn't have to worry about losing them. I had to call a court to make a court date and fight my butt off for the kids. They would put me up against my dad. I should win that easily. The only thing stopping me was foster care. They could do that too. That was what I was scared of the most. Losing all I had left to live for. If I lose them, I swear I will kill myself. Way to be postivie, eh? I decided that I would not wait. I would get all the hard stuff out of the way now. I also looked at the thought of upgrading the apartment to a 3 bedroom and looking for a roomate. He/she could pay me rent. I needed all the money I could get, without having to get two jobs. School, kids, and one job would be enough. At the point, I called the apartment complex, totally forgetting that it was very late. So I just left a message with the information. I would put an ad in the paper tommorow. I had everything covered. I would make a wonderful mom. I would be the best, right under my own mother. I would do anything for these kids now. Abousteley anything. And thats what scared me the most.

I mean, yeah, I was turning seventeen the following month. So I only had to make it for a year. But the court might look at that alot differently. I could not lose these kids. February 24th. My birthday. one day I was not looking forward to. Along with March 17th, December 4th, and April 15th. Peter's birthday, Clara's birthday, and then Chris's birthday. I wouldn't be able to get them much. And I didn't expect much for my birthday anymore. I mean, my kids can't drive. And they just lost their mom, they aren't concerned about my birthday. I should be fine about that. I had been so excited about my birthday, now I never wanted it to come. I finally left myself drift to sleep away from all thoughts. I dreamed, I rarely had nightmares. But this night, its all that filled my head. I saw the scene in my own head. The Accident that killed my family. And left me with only half of it. If you've ever heard the phrase "you never know what you have till it's gone.", it's true. I didn't know what I had till it was gone. I couldn't bring it back. It was something that happened forever. It was never going to go away. I was stuck in this s**t forever.

I woke up the next morning to a pair of amber eyes. "M-m-m-m-ommy?" I asked thinking I was dreaming. "No. It's Clara. What's for pwekfast?" I corrected my mistake. she had my mother's eyes. A pair of goregous amber eyes. The kind of eyes you only say in movies. Untypical, Unreal. And if they caught you in a daze, well, needless to say. You would be screwed. I got up and stretched. I cooked bacon and eggs and let Clara sit down and went to go wake up the boys. They were already awake, just talking amongst themselves quietly. Chris, being 7, understood how I felt more than Chris or Clara. He knew how it felt to have to be in charge. He was watching Peter most of the time. I told them my ideas about a roommate and they agreed. We made the ad together. And for approxemtantly 2 hours straight, I saw a glimmer of hope and happiness glow from the kids eyes.' The ad came out adorable. More kiddish then adultish. And at the bottom I wrote in thin black sharpie- I DO HAVE KIDS. 3 OF THEM. THEY COME WITH ME. NO MATTER WHAT. We spent the next hour driving around town picking up boxes, handing out our hand-made ads, and talking about Mommy. yeah, I know what your thinking, how did you get a car? They got my mom's car like smashed. And just gave us a brand new car. Anyways,I encouarged them to talk about her, so they could be able to talk about her without being sad. I didn't want them to have to choke back tears every time they talked about her. So far, they were doing very well. In the end, one of them-usually Peter- ended up in tears. The others would comfort him. It was adorable to watch. They had become best friends in the process. And then the most surprising thing happened.

clara broke the dead silence with, "Hey Layla. Why do we talk about Mommy and not- and not- and not- S-s-s-cott?" she broke down in tears. And she knew the answer to her question. It was too hard to talk about Scott. Her twin. she was no longer a twin. I missed that little kiddo like crazy, but I had to keep them quiet about it. I knew for a fact that Scott would be a sore subject for clara. A very sore subject. I smiled, as I winced inside. seeing them sad brought pain to me. I was turning on Disney songs for the kids, when my cell phone rang. "Hello?" I asked surprised at who would be calling me. "Hey there. So, I heard about the accident. Uh, I'm sorry for your loss. Do I get my kids back?" the husky voice said very stern.

 

 

Reviews

[molark]

This is excellent. See other novels and you will note small paragraphs, it helps the eyes. I'm coming back to this. I really like the pace and the rhythm, the descriptions. There are the minor grammar issues - its for it's and so on. But the writing is very strong and powerful moves forward. The subject matter is important, significant. It's not the usual fluff. I'm coming back in a day or so for a more careful, enjoyable read. I'm rate it very high, knock off 2 or 3 for grammar.

[Molly]

Right off the bat, I think it's good, but you need more paragraphs. Dyslexic people don't like long paragraphs since it's so hard to read. You convey the emotions pretty well, but you need to add sensory details. What the character sees, hears, feels, etc. You do have spelling and grammar issues that needs to be addressed but those are easy things to fix.
I really think this is good and I hope you keep on writing :)