I Got It

Last week I was diagnosed with colon cancer. It not certain how extensive yet. I hope for the best. This is just a way to help me process.

I Got It

my mind was blurred
eyes not yet opened
waking to a heady fog

“Hey, stay with me.
Your procedure is over.
You have cancer.”

the anesthesia kept me dulled
like the doctors emotion
matter of fact
and I drifted off again

when I started feeling
I felt a tear
recognizing a darkness
greedy to claim me

a second tear welling
as I saw the fear
my wife fully shocked
without the benefit of
everything numbing me

and as those tears fell
a third tear
wondering how this could
probably would
hurt my children

finally, I did wake
and I began to process
not sure what I felt
not sure what needed knowing

for myself, I felt calm
for everyone else
anxiety
so much beyond my control
to soothe
to make everything ok

the next day,
my own patients needed me
and I realized more
able to empathize in truth
when they share
when they fear
when their diagnosis is…

I don’t know my future
I never have
and neither do you know yours
at least not the near future

we all only have
now
this moment

and in Faith
many know a distant
certainty

so, I will share
this cup
knowing we taste our own pallet
yet we drink the same
elixir or poison
ah, we choose only this

in the gut of my soul
I feel gratitude
it fuels my love
I find no bitterness
as I swallow my portion

“it is well, with my soul”

Author's Note

As a spoken word, this reads well like poetic story. Just glancing over it I’m sure it reads rather bland. Yet if you add a heart felt rendition, you will get it.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Dear Scott, I so get this. Having had a diagnosis of cancer myself in the past, your thought process very similar to mine. Your primary concern for your wife and children. The c word is one we all dread and the future ahead is uncertain. I wish you well on your journey. One step at a time is how I dealt with it. My prayers and good wishes winging their way to you.

Chris

[Scott Kris]

I’m sorry you had to go through your own valley of uncertainty with cancer. It is a bit daunting.
I trust it is all well for you now. These things can linger over our heads…
Thank you for your supportive comments.

[Chris Shaw]

All in the be past but I do admit the whole experience was daunting. That’s why a day at a time helped me get through it. That’s the best advice I can give you. All good wishes.

[Scott Kris]

Yes. Thank you. I’m handling it well. But I do have anxiety.
Breathing. Ha.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I pray that writing about this disease, coupled with your fears and anxiety will be the catharsis you seek. I wish you well in this season of love and light!

[Scott Kris]

As with most conflicts of emotion and thought, writing and expressing usually has a benefit. And here, maybe helping someone else not feel so alone and having others see me in my human frustration is supportive.
Thank you for leaving a comment.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Bless you!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was outstanding poetry, full of emotion and moving in its depth and honesty. My own sister is battling this same illness so it certainly hits close to home for me. My prayers for your complete remission and recovery. Wonderfully expressed. F.

[Scott Kris]

Prayers sent to you and your family as I read your response. Prayer is powerful.
Thank you for your prayers and comforting words.
I honestly feel I’m in God’s hands at all times. And still, I’m human and need to trust my family is to His care as well.
Be blessed and be well.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Scot, I think it reads really well. The impact is muted as if we, too, have been under the knife and barely roused. The empathy shown for others is a great turn
as are the intimate expressions of beliefs. You have done what is most difficult to do and done it well.
I wish you well.

Winston

[Scott Kris]

Thank you for your comments. I’m processing this as I am able. I know I’m just an amateur poet, and it still serves me to express myself. I do hope to impact others with an inspiration or to just see they are not alone in this human experience.
Thanks for your time and comments.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I have much experience with this situation. So much depends on staging. Until you know where you stand the world feels unbalanced.

Winston

[W. Barrett Munn]

PS: the only professional poet ever is Ada Limon. Everyone else has had to work for a living.

[willweb]

I get it...I am in the process of being screened and this piece just scared the crap out of me. And not for me, but for those around who do not have the benefit of things to numb them.

[Scott Kris]

I have sent prayers for your health my friend.
Yes, the deepest fear is not being here for those we love. Yet they are stronger for knowing us. We can only give what we are gifted.
Thank you for reading.