I Got It

Last week I was diagnosed with colon cancer. It not certain how extensive yet. I hope for the best. This is just a way to help me process.

I Got It

my mind was blurred
eyes not yet opened
waking to a heady fog

“Hey, stay with me.
Your procedure is over.
You have cancer.”

the anesthesia kept me dulled
like the doctors emotion
matter of fact
and I drifted off again

when I started feeling
I felt a tear
recognizing a darkness
greedy to claim me

a second tear welling
as I saw the fear
my wife fully shocked
without the benefit of
everything numbing me

and as those tears fell
a third tear
wondering how this could
probably would
hurt my children

finally, I did wake
and I began to process
not sure what I felt
not sure what needed knowing

for myself, I felt calm
for everyone else
anxiety
so much beyond my control
to soothe
to make everything ok

the next day,
my own patients needed me
and I realized more
able to empathize in truth
when they share
when they fear
when their diagnosis is…

I don’t know my future
I never have
and neither do you know yours
at least not the near future

we all only have
now
this moment

and in Faith
many know a distant
certainty

so, I will share
this cup
knowing we taste our own pallet
yet we drink the same
elixir or poison
ah, we choose only this

in the gut of my soul
I feel gratitude
it fuels my love
I find no bitterness
as I swallow my portion

“it is well, with my soul”

Author's Note

As a spoken word, this reads well like poetic story. Just glancing over it I’m sure it reads rather bland. Yet if you add a heart felt rendition, you will get it.

Reviews

[Cherrie Palmer]

I have been down this path too many times from too many perspectives. It is never a easy journey and the outcome was not always bright. But hearts bound together and united in faith always prevail.
Your poem will inspire and connect with many in need.
Thank you for sharing such an intimate topic.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree Scott.
"we all only have
now
this moment"
I was a soldier once. In my free time. I enjoyed life. I hope the colon cancer can be cured. Outstanding poetry shared.
Coyote

[Betty Hermelee]

Any bad medical diagnosis can send one to a dark place; on the other hand, some will accept it in their soul and philosophize about it. But it isn't just the patient; it is also their loved ones who might take the news with anger, fear, etc.; the patient will always be concerned about his family and the ramifications on them. Your poem shows exactly this kind of reaction crafted in a very peaceful, graceful way....a few tears expected; but the patient has "no bitterness".....well done!
Best, B

[Scott Kris]

Thank you for your kind comments.
I’m doing the best I can. I’m hoping for the best. read moreThank you for your kind comments.
I’m doing the best I can. I’m hoping for the best.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re doing great Scott, keep writing, I love your poetry!
Best, B

[Patricia Wedel]

I had Cancer in 2007 in two episodes of Surgery and Chemo and Radiation in
My stomach and breast; It has not returned; however, we are all living on “borrowed time”. Be Brave as the Waves crash on the Shore of Heavens Door. Prayers and blue birds… Pat

[Scott Kris]

My heartfelt empathy for what I know you went through to recover. You must be a strong woman. Stronger now than ever before.
Thank you for prayers as they turn Heaven’s eyes. I do love Blue birds as well. They are such a rare treat.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

I hope you make a speedy recovery. I felt a very fitting emotion in this writing.

[Scott Kris]

I plan on it. Just want to get the surgery over with ASAP.
Writing helps me process my situation I think. Trying not to go numb.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

I hope writing helps. Wish you the best.

[Sel]

The future is truly unpredictable, and we never really know just how much longer we have until its too late. This poem reminds us to cherish those close to us.

[andrew mitchell]

Nicely written, tense times and I wish you all the best Scott. I work in histopathology.

[Scott Kris]

Thank you Andrew. I’m calm and also anxious. Ha. It’s weird.
I’m planning to have a complete recovery. 👍

[John the Baptist]

To me it is anything but bland. Having once worked in a hospital, I cannot think of any three words more terrifying than "you have cancer." A lot of good philosophy here, such as the fact that none of us really knows what lies in our future. We literally do have only this moment, a reminder of how much we take for granted. The last stanza rightly lauds the value of gratitude, and the last line, with its nod to the old hymn, is the perfect ending. Well done.

[Scott Kris]

Thank you for the understanding and kindness.
It is well within my soul. And I’m still going to fight my hardest. Hopefully it is a battle already won.

[AYVID N]

I loved this poem. We are all going to end inevitably but it's how we reach there that matters. I wish you healing and strength.

[Scott Kris]

Ha. Yes, this life is temporary. And I believe it only the beginning of something infinitely better and eternal.
Thank you for reading.

[AYVID N]

I subscribe to your views on this subject absolutely. Something infinitely better and eternal. That cheers me up instantly!

[Ciara]

Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your emotional processing.
I am hoping for a good outcome for you.

[Scott Kris]

It’s funny, I find myself fighting the urge to process this over and over. Yet, there really isn’t much to do. Just wait until there is a clear next step and then take it…. And so on. I’m still a warrior at heart. But I’ll sing while I swing my battle axe. Ha.
Thank you for the kind words.

[Ciara]

Keep singing and swinging!! :)