New Vegas-Kick in the Head

Stumbling across the Mojave desert, I come across Whisky Rose, tied to a tree......

"It was over in a moment, everybody gathered 'round.(oooo, oooo, ooo.)
There before them lay the body of the outlaw on the ground.(ooo, ooo, ooo.)
Oh, he might have went on livin', but he made one fatal slip, when he tried to match the ranger with, a big iron on his hip, (big iron on his hip.)  (ooo, ooo, ooo.)"

I leapt across rocky boulders, listening to Radio New Vegas. My favorite song was playing, the one that always gets me pumped up enough to go into a deathclaw lair and nearly get myself killed. I'm currently journeying through a canyonesque section of the Mojave desert. I look behind me, several fire geckos lay in varying states of rigor mortis. Those things are so annoying.

I'm known as the Courier, a person who will get the job done no matter what. Currently I'm traveling nowhere in particular, just wandering around. It's nice to just wander sometimes. Thing is, I get distracted when I do. Well, sometimes I do even when I'm not roaming.

I check my pip boy. Examining my stats, which shows the pip boy mascot in varying degrees of need. His little tongue is sticking out, and his eyes have crosses in them, indicating I should probably hydrate myself. Sunset Sarsaparilla, a person's best friend in the Mojave. Popping the cap, I swig the contents, then lick my lips as I casually toss it over my shoulder. I'm very close to being over encumbered. Whenever that happens I move as slow as molasses.

Survival mode in the desert can be quite tricky. I have to keep an eye on my stats if I want to continue wandering this desert. Currently, I'm just outside Nipton. Yes, Nipton. The place where the maniac Legion utterly devastated the inhabitants.

I've already passed through, and talked to the nice Vulpes Inculta, who really thought I should join Caesar's Legion, whatever that means. I politely left the crazy man alone, continuing on my way. I squint in the fulgent sunlight, I should really wear my shades.

Up ahead, almost too far to see, is a dead tree, with what looks to be someone leaning against it.

Wait...leaning, or tied?

Holy smokes. I pull out my Anti-Material rifle, not to shoot the person, mind you. Just to see a little better. Yep. It's Whiskey Rose. What the hay is she doin' tied to a tree? I don't know. Time to find out.

I should probably mention that as of now I'm addicted to mentats, a drug that increases brain neurons. The Gordian knot is, I'm suffering withdrawal effects, so basically my speaking skills are going to make a super mutant sound like a politician. Maybe Whiskey Rose will have mentats I can sneak out of her pocket. Perish the thought.

As I get closer I see she's tied all right. Hands at her sides, a solid mass of rope from her breasts down to her ankles. A thick pink handkerchief covers her mouth and nose, gagging her. What appears to be more cloth has been shoved into her disagreeing mouth.

"Mmmmpppphhhh!"

I approach and five lettered options appear before me in my mind's eye, in sort of like a box shape.

A. Untie her(Strength 3)
B. Sing "Johnny Guitar" (Charisma 9)
C. Put more rope on(Strength 7)
D. Pick her pocket(sneak 66)
E. What are you doing here?

I pick E. "What are you doing here?"

"Mmmrrggggggfgf! Ffrrmmmmsddf! Ggrrrrmmmnmndfg!"

Again a word box.

A. Nod like you understand her(speech 90)
B. Sing "It's a Sin to Tell a Lie"(Charisma 10)
C. I'm sorry?(speech 46)
D. I don't have a clue what the f**k you're saying.
E. Do you have any mentats?

I pick D. It'd be nice to understand her, "I don't have a clue what the f**k you're saying."

"MMMRMRGGGGGGRRFFFFFMMMUUUU!" She writhes back and forth in her bonds, trying to tell me something. I have no idea what, because my brain feels like a fried egg about now.

Another box.

A. What are you moaning about?
B. Dance energetically to the tune of "Blue Moon"(Charisma 8)
C. My brain feels like a radscorpion stabbed it, then a deathclaw crushed it to powder under his heel. Got any mentats?
D. You should wear pink more often.(speech 86)
E. Have you ever pickpocketed a dead, feral, radioactive ghoul's body?


I pick C. Mentats! My noggin is screaming. "My brain feels like a radscorpion stabbed it, then a deathclaw crushed it to powder under his heel. Got any mentats?"

Her response is followed by a spate of head shakings, growls and muffled curses. Then her eyes widen as she gazed at something behind me.

"Wha-" I look around like a Nightkin who feels threatened and may lose his cool. There's no danger of that, though. Not with the crew I take stock of. Ten of the Legion, those detestable leg breakers, have surrounded Whiskey Rose and myself. 12.7mm submachine guns are held loosely in their hands, suggesting to me that I should not engage in combat. At least, not if I want to have my body leaking like a sieve. My fighting skills are lacking somewhat, as I need to keep training.

One of them, a Legionary assassin, stepped forward. "Step away from our prisoner, traveller."

A word box appeared in my mind's eye.

A. Or what?
B. What? Sorry, I can't hear you over all these muscles. (Strength 10)
C. Invite him to listen to Mojave Music Radio, then shoot him in the head.(guns 100)
D. I'll leave, thanks for asking.
E. Why do you guys enslave women, then wear skirts?(incite attack)

I pick A. "Or what?"

"I will kill you myself then present the body to Great Caesar." The assassin said in a voice dripping with stupidity.

Once again, a word box

A. I think "Great Caesar" is a p***y little mole rat.
B. Bow to me, for I am Caesar in disguise(Intelligence 10, Charisma 10)
C. Skirts are so impractical
D. Can I buy your slave?
E. Look! There's five deathclaws coming in your camp, killing the rest of the slaves!(speech 60, Intelligence 7)

Hmm, I can almost do E. , but not quite. I pick D. "Can I buy your slave?"

"Yes, she is for sale for 50,000 caps." The Legionary assassin answered.

At the mention of this, Whiskey Rose snarled through her gag and exerted all her strength fruitlessly against the ropes.

A word box

A. You can keep her.
B. "I've got spurs, that jingle jangle jingle"
C. 50,000 is out of my price range, how about 50? (Persuade 10)
D. I need me a good slave
E. Have you ever kissed a super mutant's sledge hammer?

I don't have a choice, I pick A. "You can keep her."

"Very well, be on your way." The assassin stated.

"MMMMMMMMMMPPPPPHHHHHH" Whiskey Rose screamed at me, to stay, I think.

I turned to leave, then crouched, going into sneak mode. I hide behind the dead tree, waiting until the word HIDDEN appeared in my mind's eye. If I can pick Whiskey Rose's pocket, maybe she'll have some mentats. One thing I do have is a high sneak skill. Slipping around the tree, I access the bound woman's inventory. Lots of goodies. Bullets, beer, salsbury steak and......mentats! I briefly consider putting dynamite in her pocket, just to see what'll happen.
My karma is a bit nebulous on whether I'm a devil or an angel. Truth is, I like this woman. So instead I put a teddy bear as a parting gift instead.

Exiting Whiskey Rose's inventory, I stand up and once again approach the Legionary assassin.

"Hhmmm?" He says, sounding even more like a moron.

The conversation box appeared.

A. You sound like a mantis trying to have sex with that tunic you're wearing. (Incite attack)
B. Began dancing like they do in New Vegas, making everyone flee just to get away from the awful sight.
C. Ever hear of the Kings?
D. Unhand the maiden! (Incite attack)
E. There's three deathclaws and five feral ghouls by your camp! (Speech 65, Intelligence 6)

I briefly consider B. , but decide to keep my dignity intact. Holding my breath, I pick E. Success appeared in my mind's eye followed by the noise of a cash register, "There's three deathclaws and five feral ghouls by your camp!"

"Noooo!" The men yelled, running for their camp.

I stand there, hands on my hips, grin on my face. Then a noise behind me.

"Mmmmrrrrrggggmmmm!"

I turned around, I had forgotten about the woman. I untie and ungag her. She spits the wad of cloth out, then without a word, turns and leaves. Wow. Talk about gratitude. Whiskey Rose can be a little crusty at times, no biggie. I looked at the pink bandanna in my hand, then shrugged and tied it around my neck.

Popping another mentat, I flip on the radio which really goes well with my mentat level intelligence.

"Like the fella once said, ain't that a kick in the headddd!
"The room was completely black, I hugged her and, she hugged back.
Like the sailor said quote, ain't that a hole in the boat.
My head keeps, spinnin' ......."

I walk on. More things to see, places to go.