Jealousy

A trip into a jealous mind

Jealousy; don’t knock it until you’ve experienced it, and if you haven’t consider yourself one lucky person.

Here I will try to explain the emotion I feel and associate with jealously, it will probably take a more accomplished writer than I to express this most powerful of feelings, but I’ll be totally honest, and try my best.

Jealousy, why I feel it is beyond my own understanding; I haven’t felt it before now, but am sure it is one of the most heart-wrenching emotional powers there is. When it grabs hold of me I can’t control it, although I do try. It is without doubt one of the hardest emotions I have ever had to experience.

And so to what it is like for me… When jealousy raises its ugly head, the pit of my stomach turns over and over. My chest tightens, tightens so much, my breath becomes short, there follows a pain in my gut that is too strange to explain. And although I’m a guy and old at that, and guys my age aren’t supposed to shed a tear, when jealousy takes hold it is extremely difficult to hold them back; the old eyes water and before you know it you flowing like a baby.

If I can’t keep a tag on it my hands start to shake, maybe that’s why I don’t type much when I’m in jealousy’s clutches. I begin to sweat and come over all hot and bothered…I feel as though I want to strike out at anything…I’m feeling hurt so why can’t something else!

What I’ve already said doesn’t really scratch the surface…as I’ve said it would take a better writer than I to get the true emotional experience across. So how can I put it in simpler terms, well I can tell you of a few experience that come close to the rage of jealousy.

First is the sheer elation of the births of my three children.

Second, the anguish when my youngest son was rushed into hospital twenty-four days after he was born, and the doctor telling us he may die. That wasn’t an exceptionally pleasant Christmas Day!

Third, the pain of receiving a phone call at work from the hospital saying my mother died twenty minutes ago.

Fourth, the sorrow for arguing with my father a couple of days before his death, and never getting the chance to say sorry.

Fifth, being in a car accident, blacking out, and coming round thinking my kids had been killed. Oh and no the accident wasn’t my fault.

Those are just five feelings that come close to the emotional rage of jealousy in my book. I could be wrong, but I have no other words that can really describe the pain and anguish of jealousy. I know the emotion is wrong, I know it is a self-destroying emotion, I know most people think on jealousy as a stupid emotion that is easily controlled, but I am trying, and will continue to try to conquer the beast.

So if you happen to read this, and know someone who is experiencing jealousy, give them a little thought, and maybe a little understanding, as I do believe I haven’t even touched the emotional range of this devastating emotion known as jealousy.
 

Reviews

[David Darabian]

Nice write, Jamie. To express a feeling in words is always hard but I think you did it very good. I also like how you tell a bit about yourself and your life, it gave me a better view of what kind of man you are. Anyway, well written!

[Bel]

Jamie, nice start. Never underestimate yourself. Don't assume it takes a better writer; what it does take is a better way. You've tried to explain jealousy here, but what about trying an example? Induce instead of deduce?
Anyway, honesty is a writer's first law, and you've mastered that completely.

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

oh, i am a very very jealous person... I never was until I met my husband... then I have become what I always made fun of....
very good write.

[Sara Muschweck]

Bravo, truth, and strength in admitting it about yourself. Look forward to reading more of your writing.