I have forgotten more than I ever knew I knew if I knew it at all.
A mind full of pockets of nothing, memories riddled with h les, thoughts bro ken and fra g mented, sentences that. before the period, conversations becoming snippets of words.
Awesome structure you got there. Experimental in the safest sense. The first line pulled off the everything else though it seemingly sounded a bit awkward for others. But it didn't let the piece suffer, there's a perfect resonance and your inventiveness was damn sick.
I think it's the word nothing that is throwing people off on the concept you are trying to convey, which is "void" , holes threw me at first to, perhaps something there to let them know a letter is missing h_les, third line conveys perfectly and I love how you portrayed that to us, sentences that end before the period, good I think, the rest readily understandable, awesome work!
I disagree with Maidahl and GunMetal. I think the first line sounds good the way it is. I do see a few errors. You've left out the 'o' in 'holes'. I'm also confused as to why there is a period in the middle of the fourth line. It's really good overall though and like the rest of your poetry, something I can relate to. I love it's short simplicity. Well done. :)
Once I realized what was happening here, it blew my mind. How incredibly inventive! Seriously, this s**t is dope. I agree with maidahl about changing the first line to "A mind full of nothing pockets". Otherwise it's perfect. It's short but not at all incompl
this was really interesting to read. I actually said "break" in my mind when I was reading "sentences that. before the period,"
And I like the concept. I just wrote something that reminds me of what you've conjured up here.
Nice work.
Haha, this is an awesome poem. Very creative. Love how you left out the o in holes. And spread out the words broken and fragmented to enforce the meaning of the words. Nice original write
I climb inside my mind through the windows to the soul that I sold for a kiss in the fourth grade.
I write about the adventures I have in my schizophrenic mind and the scars that my past has left. .. more..