Black, Dark, Lonely and Cold

Loneliness is a disease.

Sitting on a rusted iron frame bench,

the wooden slats sagging with age,

I look around me and take it in.

 

My deteriorating seat is resting on

a decaying pier, overlooking an

expanse of black water that goes

on for as far as the eye can see.

 

There is no shore in sight on any side

and behind me, where the foundation

should be, I find that I am floating on

this motionless lake, slowly going nowhere. 

 

I rise from my decomposing perch

and I listen to the sound of silence,

or the absence of sound that seems

to fill the thick air that threatens to choke me.

 

The oppressive darkness surrounds me,

closing in on me.  I look to the sky to

see the stars have all burnt out and the

once brilliant moon has run away to hide.

 

Nothing to light my way.

Nothing to lead me to somewhere,

anywhere that is not here.

 

I turn around and watch as my

rusted refuge falls through the pier,

breaking apart my makeshift raft,

leaving me unbalanced and even more alone.

 

Nothing to lean on,

No one to rely on,

I spread my arms wide

in an attempt to maintain

my position, trying not to fall

into the dark and lonely water.

 

No one around to hear my scream

that produces no sound, I wobble

and tumble into the cold dark water.

Forgetting to fight.

 

If I only hand a hand I could reach for,

an ear to hear my screams,

a friend to help me,

 

I would not be drowning

in this cold dark water,

dying alone.

 

Author's Note

I would like serious input on this one. I have been working on it for a while (3 years or so)

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

beautifully written. an excellent accomplishment in articulating loneliness. it isn't a subject to be taken lightly, i believe it took you three years to complete. i can relate to this because i suffer from depression. your words touch my feelings of despair when i am depressed. it's good you express your emotions through art. it brings some solace to unburden yourself. remarkable imagery as well.

[GunMetal]

I love the elements you utilize in here. The isolation, the fear, the falling apart. Your detached foundation slowly being eaten away. Your imagery, chiaroscuro, was perfect for this. One could spend some time analyzing the layers of this. Excellent work.

[Kuhr Gred]

wow,,, i feel the dark.. you're really a true writer.. you know how to captured reader's thought.. hmm GREAT WRITE.. thanks for sharing :D
- Kuhr Gred

[Owlgirl]

Great writing, very powerful and amazing vocabulary choices!

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

This is really good. Very deep and intense. Love the dark imagery and the wonderful detail. I didn't spot any grammatical errors. Very well written.

[Rach]

I think this poem is excellent. It reads like prose almost, there is a very linear appeal to it that makes it a very comprehensive piece. I like the imagery of being lost at sea. I think where you may think to rework some of your wording is in the beginning with the bench description. In my opinion, its too obvious what you have described here. Personally, when I read a poem I like to hear creative descriptions of mundane objects. Maybe its made of a metal that has become green and covered in barnacles from years of isolation sitting next to the vast ocean and that is what your are working to describe. Then again, this is simply my opinion, and the poem overall is wonderful.

Hope that helps and I havent hurt your feelings in any way. :)

[Jazmen]

This definitely makes the reader understand a bit of loneliness. I like the way you incorporated the moon and stars and yet still felt so alone. A tragic poem, sad, honest, dark and well said, it really does capture the epitome of sadness in being alone.

[Emrys Realmskip]

Nothing to light my way.
Nothing to lead me to somewhere,
anywhere that is not here.

This is my favorite stanza! :) Great work! and holy cowww.. flipping 3 yrs?!?!?! WOW :D amazinggg

[Corset]

The desolation in this piece is so overwhelming I find myself gasping for light, you have described the absolute emptiness of depression with such clarity, well done.

[J. J. Nightingale]

You have poured out your heart and soul here .. .. There are hands that reach, sometimes we can not see them .... I have been to a place very much like your abode .. And in time I came home again .. ..

Take care .. Well written ! .. Jazz