Cigarette Break

The cat that wasn’t really there
ran across my vision again.  He is
all black, except for a small amount
of white at the tip of his tail and
just under his little chin.  Sometimes
he sits at the edge of my peripheral
and just stares at me with his glowing
green eyes.  Other times, like this time,
he darts across in front of me, startling
me, forcing me to take a step back.  
This cat, that no one can see but me,
knows I abhor his presence, yet still
he haunts me - toys with my mind.
I hate that f*****g cat.

I forget about the cat for a moment
and sit down in my chair that faces
the small copse of trees.  Birds, big
blue jays and regal cardinals, flit
among the branches, singing their
songs and calling out to one another.  
I watch as they dart from limb to
limb, tree to tree, and from the trees
to the small awning that covers my
deck.  I watch as one breaks from
the flock and dives down towards
me, it’s beady little black eyes locked
on mine and I scream, jumping up
out of my chair, throwing myself
against the wall, covering my face
with my arms, shaking like a leaf in
a strong wind, waiting for the impact
… but the impact never comes and
my screams die in a hoarse whisper.
The bird is nowhere to be found.  
Was there ever even a single bird?
I hate those f*****g birds.

I pick my chair up off the deck and
sit back down, my eyes drawn to
the Poplar planks with their ellip-
tical knotholes.  As my eyes slide
across the wood, I find a multitude
of eyes staring back at me, blinking,
some of them crying, and the largest
one bleeding.  I shake my head to try
try to clear my vision, but the eyes
have me.  The pupils trapped in the
wood, following my swiveling head.
I close my eyes tight and scream in
frustration, but when I open them, I
find I am still being stared at.

I can’t take this anymore, so I slam
my cigarette down in the ashtray,
listening to it scream as I grind out
the butt and walk inside, where I bury
my head in my pillows, praying that
sleep will end this f*****g nightmare.

Author's Note

This is my reality.

Reviews

[kym820]

OMG..I never read anything like this before. It is amazing how you gave me a glimpse inside you head for a moment. Thanks for sharing.

[w]

Thank you for reading.

[Laura Maidah]

Structure is fab. This is pretty perfect. YOu should submit this. I like it SOO Much more than that philisiph-deal.

[w]

This was published 5 years ago in Dark Egos which is now defunct.

[Laura Maidah]

DAng. It's fab

[w]

Thank you again.

[Owlgirl]

Wow. . . I'm not quite sure what to say except that this was really well done and quite excellent. I'm sorry, that this is your reality, and it's amazing how you could write this using your reality. Great job. . .

[eglantine]

I love the cat in the first stanza--my mind often plays tricks on me so sometiems I see similar non-existant things. The bird stanza, at least the descriptions, seem a bit too familiar. Of course birds sing songs and flit. Twist it up a bit and add to the seemingly horror of it all. The pupils in the woods is brilliant.

[w]

The second part (the birds) is meant to be mundane to show the flitting (see how I used that word) of my mind.

[eglantine]

ya, I caught onto the mundane thing, but I still want a bit more. You can be uniquly mundane I'm sure :) You've got the talant.

[w]

I can be, but here I did not want to be. It is meant to be as is. Thank you for your review. This piece has been published and will not be changed.

[w]

I am not being anything but happily friendly, I swear

[Maan]

This is your reality, right? Pretty horrifying but attractive in a manner that its different. There must be whole world of situations and happening behind this situation or reality of yours. Sleep can help you for how long? Will there be cure for this? Will it end? If Yes then when? If No then why? I don't know but after reading, there's quake in my head, questions and questions and questions with no sign of answers. I don't want to say that I liked it, but It attracted me in a weird way.

Ah! Your writing is good, there was no pattern but there was no requirement as well. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing.

[w]

Medications have curbed the hallucinations. The paranoia and anxiety are still there, but better. Anti-psychotics and the right mix of peripherals are wonderful for what ails me.

[Lily Mae]

Strange that I can relate and yet I don't smoke..x