Doe

voyeurism is not always bad

Wet spot slowly spreading
on dark shirt sleeves

 

and yet

 

no one notices
the overdressed
 in the heat.

 

Everyone stares,
but no one sees.

 

The body halts
as the knees buckle
and the ruddy flows
make little wading pools
for the black ants
on the hazy sidewalk.

 

No one watches
their first
public suicide.

Reviews

[V.J.C.]

0 _ 0 , that was pretty much what my face looked like when I finished reading.

Sad, there is not many other words for this poem. Since people do tend to overlook, or turn away at tragic events. So much pain in so many peoples lives but others look away because they just don't want to see it.

[Satire69]

My knees buckled as I read this. Suicide is not so neat.

[MoriartyMesa]

Nice, bloody, and dark. What I enjoy about this sort of theme is it takes BALLS me ole son. And I think this is something that may need to be accompanied with a shot of whiskey but it rocked.

[writing mojo]

this is brilliant and you capture images so well, truly amazing gift you have with words...for a schizophrenic you organize your thoughts beautifully, no salad tossed thoughts here, it's very clean sharp and concise...amazing stuff

[w]

Thank you. It has taken a lot of meds, time, support and will.

[jen]

This brought to mind "A Day in Life" (I think that is the title but I'm too lazy to confirm it) by the Beatles "...a crowd of people turned away, but I just had to look ...." anyway, I like this. We all walk around with wounds some much worse than others and very few notice even the most obvious pain.

[Laura Maidah]

What is "the overdress in the heat"? No subject. Who is overdressed? O rwhat?

Then you go into the body. I don't like the hanger of it all in the beginning. Anticlimactic diction, beautiful last stanza thematically and deliberation. Ruddy run is alliteration that is bipolar phonetically. LIke split-persona in the speaker's tone. It's a bit random in aural motif as a whole. I normally love and devour alliteration, but here it clashes and halts the flow of the line. It is total dissonance, staccato that pauses the meter and breathes too much for me. I want to know if the doe is human. I get the feeling it's not; why don't you make it a girl? Innocent waif? Very cool idea, yes?

[w]

Its meant to be vague, but able to be interpreted as the reader wishes. It is actually about three separate deaths I ( have one or three typos), but meant to read as one as death is singular.

As a side note and my regular readers (not here, I'm new) know this, I am "special" and my mind works a little different which is why you get things lie this and then things like "Empty" and then "Hidden Pleasure" out of me all in one sitting. My third book is to be narratives based on my life. My first was way too disjointed and my second book crashed and burned so I won't talk about it.

[Laura Maidah]

Lol. I have epic failures too. But I'm getting published more lately, so I think I'll keep doing these forums. I moderate a few other site. Really helpful. How are you special? Mind weirdness if pretty common, not occult or mystic. Quite specified science/psychobabble wise. I'm kind of a cynic. I don't think anyone is special. We all have something in common with a legion of the world's constituents. We psyche ourselves out into thinking we're different/gifted/abnormal and can make a difference in the world. We don't really matter unless we are in the lottery winner league.

[w]

I meant "special" as in "short-bus special". Actually I am a genius if you put any stock in that sort of thing (I think it is a scam to get people who score lower to work harder)

[Laura Maidah]

With you on the lower denomination deal. Are you certifiable?

[Owlgirl]

Wow, unexpected, yet very very well written adn elagent, amazing. . . thougtful

[Destinyxi]

I was not expecting that. Nice poem, nice description.

[GunMetal]

I certainly didn't expect that. I was forced to re-read this to try and gain some perspective on what was happening. Did you mean to say "the overdressed"? It felt awkward to me.
What I'm imagining is someone self inflicting heat stroke. Perhaps how he killed himself is supposed to remain unclear to the reader as much as it is to the (non)observers in the poem.
I really liked this. I like the message in here. How someone can be suffering in clear view, yet others can remain oblivious, whether out of disinterest, or fear of appearing nosy, or whatever other reason.

[w]

It is actually about three separate deaths, but meant to read as one as death is singular.