I'll start at the beginning

A Story by ScattyCatty

A work in progress, Reviews welcome

First comes the struggle, the disbelief that anything like this could happen. It comes on in random waves, when it is least expected. Then the waves begin to consume you. You face the risk of being lost in them, drowning in them and finding yourself submerged by this unrelenting sea of hopelessness.

That’s how it happened for me.

I reached a point where I could stand and face that this had happened and I could accept that this horrible, horrible thing had become part of me, it now formed a piece of my identity as much as I did not want it to or I could run and hide from it and keep all of it locked up inside me.

Standing and facing my past was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am better for it. The people around me are better for it. The world (my world, as small as that may be) is better for it.

They say bad things happen to good people. This I believe to be true, as I would consider myself to be a good person. Yes I occasionally littered or let my emotions control me when I shouldn’t (occasionally I still do). But I did and do still spend time and effort making sure that people around me are happy, there has never been any harm in my mind in sharing a smile with someone just to brighten their day. Although for a long time my smile wasn’t going to brighten anyone’s day.

When the man threw acid in my face I thought my life was over, it certainly felt like I was dying, the Pain of it, the immediate physical pain was just so all encompassing that I didn’t know what to do. Short of pulling off my own skin (which believe me is a thought that has crossed my mind a few times, thankfully it’s a lot less now) there wasn’t much I could do.

The complete lack of empathy that a complete stranger could have with another living soul still baffles me to this day. However I cannot change him or how he acts because I hope I will never see him again (I hope). Not because I fear him (although I guess I do fear that which I cannot hope to understand) but because he is not a nice person and I don’t need nasty people in my life.

People talk about how we fail to realize the impact of our actions on strangers. This I believe to be very true. We are completely unaware of how we can make someone else feel with a simple gesture that we immediately disregard as soon as we have made it.

I’ll tell you my story and then see how you feel about the simple actions of others. That’s probably the best way to do this.

It had been a day like any other. Tell you what, I’ll tell you like I’m there and its happening now. This will give you more insight that an over told story from the past.

It’s morning and it’s such a beautiful day. I wake up before the alarm which is annoying because I do love my sleep. However there is always a small amount of satisfaction to be gained from realizing you have another 20 minutes to lie in bed before your day starts. It’s still dark outside, spring is slowly coming round but its making us wait for it. You never know how warm it’s going to be so I always carry too many clothes with me because I get cold a lot.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Isn’t it strange how your mind goes off on little tangents pretty much all of the time? Or is that just me?

Now the alarm is going so I drag myself out of bed. Then I remember and switch off the second alarm. It’s sometimes very difficult to wake up and I treated myself to a new mattress last month, which makes getting out of bed even more difficult. However it was totally worth it.

I had a shower last night so don’t have one this morning. It’s a simple case of a cup of coffee, getting dressed and making myself look like I am awake and definitely want to be at work. We all know the feeling.

Half an hour later, I’m ready to leave the house. Today I’m totally prepared for the weather, as there is a morning chill, along with some frost on the car. That extra jumper is finally coming in handy.

I defrost the car, then continue wiping the windscreen as I drive to work. My car is a little old but does her best and I keep a towel in the back so its all pretty much covered anyway. Plus the drive to work is about 15 minutes and I’m pretty sure I could do it with my eyes closed, not that I have ever tried because that would be dangerous. I’ll just stick with keeping the speed limit as a suggestion instead. Much safer.

It’s quite a pretty drive to work as drives go. It’s mostly through fields and country roads, which also helps with making it quick as there isn’t ever really any crazy traffic. This is also helped by me working from 8-4 as I leave before rush hour on the way in and out and manage to skip the school run on the way home.

Next I’m at work and it’s all pretty quiet. It always is here to be fair, it’s a little out of the way and that’s part of the charm of the place. The business does quite well and the boss is always nice to me so I don’t have any massive reason to complain. I’d like it if they paid me more but I think most people would say the same about their job to be fair.

We normally get people in for the breakfast rush, then there’s an hour or so of quiet. That’s when I do all the cleaning. Cleaning just gives me a bit of piece of mind and also helps to me feel like I have accomplished something even, probably because it’s something I can see and actually touch. Although don’t you dare walk on the floor after I have mopped it. (I’m not joking).

Breakfast is busier than normal so I’m not paying much attention to what is happening outside which is nice because the front window does just look onto a main road. Some people are regulars which makes then faster to serve because they have the same thing every day, I’m not sure I could eat the same thing for breakfast every day but that’s their choice I guess). There are a few people who come in and browse before deciding they don’t want to buy anything, a couple of them are just keeping warm before the bus comes, which I think is fine and makes the shop look fuller anyway. Obviously you have to pay a bit of attention because sometimes a couple of the school kids will try their luck, but normally it only takes a shout and they wont try again.

So morning passes quite quickly which I like as who doesn’t want to leave work faster, lets be honest. It gets to around lunchtime and people start trickling in from around half 11, which I always questioned. Who has lunch at 11:30?

Anyway I start to notice this one guy who seems a bit off. I just assume it’s because he is by himself, some people get weird about that. It’s when he starts to mumble to himself that I get a little concerned. He moves closer to the counter and people actively move out of his way. Alright, they were leaving anyway because they had just paid but it adds to the story right? As he gets closer I give him a smile and ask if I can get him anything today. He doesn’t appear to hear me the first time so I wait a few seconds before asking him again. Some people can get really antsy and stressed if they haven’t made their decision. He then looks up at me and there are a few seconds of eye contact, before I see his face pull itself into this strange face of pure rage. I take a step back without even realizing, and his hand comes out of his pocket containing what looks like an open cup (later they tell me it was a large bottle he had taken the top off) and he appears to toss it at me. I’m so confused by what is happening that I don’t try and catch it (a very good thing it turns out) and then I feel it. It’s over my face and neck, partly down my arms and socking through the front of my uniform. It hurts, like a blinding pain I cannot describe. I literally do not have the vocabulary to describe this pain. Its indescribable and it just keeps getting worse. I don’t know where it is coming from or how to make it stop. I try pulling off my clothes but nothing is helping. Nothing helps.

Then I wake up. There is a tube down my throat and I have no idea where I am. I get about 3 seconds to wonder what is happening before the pain comes back. I try to shout out and move away from it but the tube prevents me from shouting and there are bandages over different parts of me that make moving a struggle. Could someone just tell me where I am and what is happening to me? Much more importantly could they make the bloody pain go away before I rip my own skin off?

Someone come sin and sees that I am awake, they push something on the wall behind my head( later I learn this is a button to call other staff) before they bend down and make eye contact with me. I see them looking at me and go to ask a question but the bloody tube is still in the way. The nurse (for that must be what she is) grabs my hand, which is not bandaged and then speaks slowly and softly to me. She tells me that there was an accident and I’m in hospital. She then tells me that I have some bad injuries so the doctors decided it was better to help let my body heal by using medicine to keep me asleep for a little while and that the tube in my throat is there to make sure my body gets as much rest as possible. She then tells me they will take out the tube but I can’t talk until they do so, So I just need to be a little patient.

It’s hard to wait before speaking because I just have so many questions.

So Many Questions.

But more than anything I wanted to know why this had happened to me. What was it about the course of my life that meant I deserved this?

It seems like I’m waiting an age for people to come and see me. In reality I know it’s only a few minutes but with every passing breath the pain intensifies. I can feel the machine forcing air into my lungs, pushing it deep down inside of me, forcing me to stay alive, but every time it does it brings a new wave of pain.

The nurse stays with me, holding my hand and just reassuring me that everything is ok. She seems to be a sweet soul and definitely helps to keep me a bit calmer.

The doctor comes in with a flurry of activity. There are nurses on either side of me now who come towards me and work on taking the tube out of my mouth. It’s a bit uncomfortable as they do so but it’s a strange way it is also a welcome distraction from pain that is growing in other parts of my body. I seem to be acutely aware of every part of my face and upper parts of my body. Is this how much I was feeling before? It feels as though my nerves have been exposed to the air and they really do not like it.

The doctor looks at all of the machines while the tube is removed, then she begins speaking to me. She tells me her name is Doctor Oliver and she has been looking after me the entire time I have been here. She tells me that I’m doing very well and that they had put me in a medically induced coma for a week to let me body rest and recover. She asks me my name, which I tell her, before I ask for a glass of water, the tube has made my throat awfully sore.

I don’t even think about moving, staying perfectly still is causing me so much pain that I can’t imagine moving would be any better. Plus my skin feels incredibly tight. It’s a cage that Is currently trapping me. It feels like a hug with an abusive ex boyfriend who knows they have done wrong and is refusing to let go.

My inability to move meant I had to remain present in the situation. The worst part about this was the people looking at me. The best part was it meant I could dream about how my life could be.

The doctor sensed I was tired and stopped talking. She busied herself with doing various doctor things, I would come to learn in time that it was things like checking my blood pressure, seeing how much of the medicine had entered my body, seeing what my dressing looked like. There were many things that many people needed to check on all of the time.

A few minutes later my father rushed into the room. “I just needed a coffee’ he cried as he saw I was awake. His way of an apology for not being there the second I woke up.

My Father I will introduce now. He is an incredibly hard working man who is always there when I need him. Very Victorian in his way but always willing to try and learn about ‘female things’ as he calls them. He was raised in a religious household so there are a lot of things about modern day society that confuse him. He is not the most emotional person, he works best with facts and machines but he tries his hardest. More so after everything that happened he had to put a lot more work in. I’m not blind to any faults that he may have but I could not ask more from him.

He stood at least a foot away from the bed (I know it always seems weird when people use those measurements but they just sound better) as if he was afraid to touch me. He seemed scared that I would break. He looked at the doctor for reassurance after I told him it was ok in my stupid hoarse voice which did not help matters.

The doctor nodded her head as I spoke. She smiled at my father as he moved closer to me.