CHAPTER 3 DOCTOR REEVES

CHAPTER 3 DOCTOR REEVES

The sun was up and I was boiling over with emotions, I didn't know whether I wanted to scream or cry. So I did neither. I just stomped over toward the door. The young resident was gone but his cigarettes weren't. I remember that I use to smoke... I sat on the over turned milk crate. My hand withdraws a cigarette from the open packet and I lit it with the old fashioned lighter left there by the doctor.

I breathed deep and tasted the tobacco on my tongue. Why had I not tried this sooner? I lifted the cigarette to my lips again and a drew deep. Closing my eyes I drifted as I exhaled, I felt my fingers examining the lighter it was cold and heavy, I looked down and it was beaten with age and crudely scratched into the steel 'Live today to die tomorrow' the other side read the initials 'ER' in beautifully formed script.

A flicker of a memory enveloped my mind. A older man early forties with reddish brown hair lighting my cigarette, I lean into the flame. "Thank you, that's a unique lighter" I say my hair pulled back under a starched cap.

"It was my father's when he was in the war..." the man lit his cigarette and the memory was gone. I've seen this lighter before...

I heard the rooftop door open. I stood and saw Margie and the young brunette nurse approaching. The cigarette still lit and lighter fell out though my hands onto the gravel as they drew closer to me. I look at the lit cigarette and attempt to snuff it out in the gravel, my attempt fails.

"Doctor Reeves must have been up here this morning, these are his brand of cigarettes..." The young brunette said.

"You'll have to return them to him later Nicole." Margie sees the lighter by my foot, she bend down slowly and picks it up. She's face to face with me and I don't move, I just look at her. My gosh she's gotten old, when did those lines around her mouth happen?

"His lighter is here too." Margie hands the old lighter to Nicole. "He'll appreciate you giving them back to him rather than some old woman like me."

"Oh Margie your not old yet!" Nicole lights her cigarette with the old beaten lighter then continues the conversation. "Doctor Reeve's is really cute though, he's lost so much weight since he started here."

"They always do, the eat nothing but junk when they're studying then as soon as they start their residency they never have time to eat." Margie replies with a small chuckle.

"Margie, do you think I should lean right over his desk when I give him back his lighter?" Nicole has both her hands palm down on the small table, I can see right down her top, which means so can Margie. I look at Nicole disapprovingly which could be effective if she could see me.

"Oh Nicole; your worse than a rabbit!" Margie laughs and it seems to only encourage Nicole.

"Well we're always cooped up in this hospital, sometimes its fun to flirt... Besides he might wanna screw around a little and with a face like his I'm up for anything." Nicole said in the most sensual voice then winks at Margie who draws a breath of smoke & says

"What if you do? What's your plan then?" Margie asks.

I can't think of any reason to stay around for this conversation. I walk off just as Nicole has formed a reply, I walk through the door and down the stairs. I decide to take the stairs to get to level five as I walk down couple of flights it gives me a chance to reflect on my conversation with Nikolaus. I rummage though my thoughts remembering bits of the conversation. My reflection only raises more questions about my state and being. I wonder if Nikolaus is keeping it from me intentionally or perhaps I haven't been open enough to let him confide in me? As soon as I thought that question I knew it was the latter. In order to talk, there needs to be trust, but I doubt we'll ever have that between us. I stop mid step and take a deep breath; this is only frustrating me. I look ahead, one more flight and I'm on level five. I jump the last three steps like a small child and walk through the closed door into the Maternity ward.

When I've had a hard time and helped a lot of people pass on I like to come here. This ward is always full of new life, reminds me that these small babies can't live if others don't die. I'm assisting the circle of life, even though I will never enjoy it. I walk past the mural of the world and children's hand prints in a scroll across the world it reads 'Hope For A Better Generation' in large blue and pink script. I always thought it was ugly and should be painted over. Who says one generation is better than the other? Every generation has its own troubles and prosperity. With each new generation, it advances the other...

I walk straight past the nurses' station towards the viewing room, usually they'll up and active at this hour all going crazy for food and attention at once. The poor nurses in there will be run off there feet and it's delightful to watch. I can't help but laugh. You'd think that after all this time they would have organised a more through routine. As I approach the bench in front of a large glass window. I stand in front of the glass and see that all the little babies are wrapped up tight in blankets and sleeping peacefully. The only maternity nurse is tending to a premature baby in a incubator.

When this ward was updated decades ago I spent a lot of time in here, they sent specialised nurses to train the maternity staff, and I sat in on the lectures when I could. I found it all fascinating. I sat on the wooden bench in front of the glass waiting for a baby to wake and to begin crying. Once one wakes it's a domino effect.

"Doctor Reeve's? Are you ok?" I hear a voice say behind me, I turn to see a dark skinned woman in pale yellow scrubs. I follow her eye line, she's looking at Doctor Reeve's sitting on the bench in a white coat and blue scrubs.

"Sixteen hours on shift, fourteen more to go." Doctor Reeve's weakly smiles at the nurse in yellow. The nurse looks at the doctor sympathetically "When are you back on the floor?" She asks him.

"I'm on-call for three more hours..." Reeve's holds his head in his hands and runs his fingers through his red hair and exhales. I step closer to Reeve's and crouch down to be level with his face; his skin is oily and face unshaven. He's exhausted and has a long way to go before the end of his shift. I don't really understand why almost every nurse drools after him. He has a nice face and body but always looks tired and walks sluggishly. Perhaps he is stunningly handsome in his everyday life when he's out of his uniform, carefree and smiling while bathed in sunlight. I only ever see him rushed and pushed to the limit.

The nurse has walked over to him and put a hand on his head. Reeve's lifts his head and looks at the nurse. "Go and take a shower and change your scrubs, you'll feel much better after. Then try and get a little sleep, don't just pour yourself another coffee." Reeves' thanks her as she turns to walk down the corridor. I watch her enter into the viewing room to assist the maternity nurse. Reeves stands and walks straight through me toward the elevator. I stand to follow after him, he catches an elevator just as the door opens and a man with a bouquet of daffodils and a worried look exits. I get on just as the door closes. Reeves presses floor one and leans against the elevator wall. He draws a deep breath and yawns widely, when he exhales all I can smell is stale coffee and cigarettes.

The elevator dings and the doors open, we move casually down a corridor, reaching the end Reeves swipes an access card to enter the doctor's mess. The mess is well named it's rarely clean, they're always dirty dishes in the sink and a spilled drink; usually coffee on the table. I just stand in the middle of the room and look around, they're few people around. One scrawny young man sitting upright sleeping, unaware that he is snoring loudly, a rounded woman eating a large meal in a great rush while attempting to read a book. Reeves walks past and gives the woman a silent nod which she returns. He then walks over to the coffee pot and it's empty, he rinses out the jug and puts coffee grounds into a fresh filter. I watch him switch it on and proceed to the lockers, he retrieves his backpack and some fresh green scrubs. He walks into the men's bathrooms, I still follow him in.

Reeves casually throws his backpack onto a wooden bench attached to a blue tiled wall. He unzips the bag and removes a toiletries bag, towel and socks. I stand back in the corner of the room out of his way, I don't enjoy being walked through. Lethargically Reeves removes his coat, placing it on a wall hanger, he throws his scrubs into the corner I'm standing in. I turn my back as he removes his jocks, allowing him a little privacy. Once I hear the water begin to run behind the half wall I move over to the bench and sit. I close my eyes and rest my head against the tiles. I don't sleep, but I do enjoy having a little time to think of nothing. They're very few places in a hospital that are silent. I feels wrong when I sit in the chapel due to my line of work and it's creepy and clique' when I hang out in the morgue. The water drowns out any other sounds, it's relaxing...

"I lost a patient today..." My eyes fling open and turn to the sound; it's behind the half wall. "I lost a patient today and it's my fault."

I walk behind the half wall to investigate. The steam is heavy but I can see Reeves is sitting on the tiled floor under the hot water. He looks distressed and guilt ridden. I lean against the half wall and slide my back down it till I'm sitting on the floor with him. "I'm so tired, I keep making mistakes..." Reeves whispers to himself, he doesn't know I'm here listening.

Reeves picks up a wash cloth and lathers it up with a bar of soap. He begins washing himself while sitting on the floor. He brushes his teeth and rinses off. I get up and leave the bathroom as the water cuts out. I walk through the door of the on call room where I hope Reeves will come to sleep. I notice the bed has been used and more than a few times. Cleaners obviously haven't been in yet. It's not often I intervene but I felt empathetic for Reeves. He's had a hard shift and it's not even close to the end.

I pull out a fresh fitted sheet and pillow case from the cupboard in the room. Stripping the bed efficiently like it's a natural habit I throw the bedding into the dirty hamper. The door knob jiggles just as I finish fitting the sheet and fluff the pillow. I unlock the door and Reeves walks in and collapses on the bed. I remember my mother always said "You never sleep better then on fresh starched sheets." I hope that held true for the doctor's sake. I left him be and continued wandering...