My Depression

This piece is about my depression and dark thoughts I battle with. Also an attempted OD experience I had.

No matter how loud I scream, no one can hear me
For it's only me that listens, when I scream
The noises, voices, arguing ever so loud
All I want, is for this to just come out
Even with all this going on I'm sitting still, quiet and motionless the whole time
There's a fight, A fight going on the inside
Clawing, scratching, gnawing biting not even bothering to hide
It's there, always there biding it's time
Trying to ambuscade me, with it's forked tounge,
Whispering silk words of wine, reassuring false promises, that everything will be just fine
Hush...quiet...it's easy...I promise... We're just going to sleep
Asleep so eternal, asleep so deep
Well anyone care...? Or know...? Or even miss me
Was it them...No, I say it was all me you see
I lied, I cheated, I stole, I lived wrongly
I burned on my bridges, all down to the seams
This is My punishment doomed to what is deemed
I take a breath, then another drag
Body tingles all over, heart speeds up a tad
This euphoria feeling, seems is all that I have
I take another hit, my conscience starting to feel bad
Avoid being sober, reminds me of what I once had
I smoke and I smoke until my mind goes black
Memories float around, like the crystals that I smoke, I lean in for another, maybe one more toke
Feeling sequestered, on this tenebrous night
With a slow acquaintance, I lay down with no more fight
My eyes flutter, bellicose no longer in sight
The fight I have no more, no more on the inside
Memories and images, short burst and flash
I see my future, present and past
My heart slows, maybe skipped a beat
I know..it's coming... ostensibly to be
My family the last thing that I see, a feeling of halcyon studiedly came over me
My wife, with her pneumatic stare
Well indelibly, always be there
As my eyes closed, no longer truculent
Then intriguing feeling of a fuzzy head, barely able to articulate or even move off the bed
I try to speak, my words a slur
I look around to see, my environment of blur
The voices whisper, again to reassure
My demons adulation, keeping me deterred
The feeling of Manumitting, things that can't be undone
With pale skin, teary eyes and a swan song to be Sung
I had to do this, I felt it needed to be done
No one will care, no one will cry
She won't even blink, nor bat an eye
For everyone is better off, without me in their lives
I slowly fade away, preparing for my final night
This is it, The last of my derisive life
Consciousness fades, silence mitigates my mind
Draped in deaths, black cold vestiary
I think to myself, this is it....This is the end, I never even said goodbye
Enveloping emptiness swallows me whole, until there's nothing left not even my soul