mischievious guru

Will likely make sense to no one but me. Originally posted in a poetry thread of the PPX - a site based around predictions trading - with references to other threads and posters.

Response time was slow.
It was no fun to trade.
So I hopped on the forum
that slow-server day.

I stared at the index
a minute or two,
and I thought,
How I wish I had something to do.

No technical issues
demanding attention.
No new IPOs
or hot stocks worth a mention.

So general topics
I guess I'll peruse,
though I don't think I'll learn much,
there isn't much news

When there without warning,
why what should appear?
Why a funny squat guru-type
scratching his rear

right there on my desktop,
unblinking, alarming,
like many Net users,
with no features charming.

I looked for a close button
but none was found.
He wasn't, it seemed,
like most spyware around.

"Don't bother," he said,
"I'm not going to infect you.
I've come as your guide
I might even protect you."

"A guide?" I exclaimed,
"I don't need a guide here!
I post here quite often,
Your presence here's queer."

As if I'd not spoken
the guru went on,
"I see that you're restless.
You've been so since dawn.

The thread you should be in
is full of good science
and logic and reason
and no hint of violence.

It's called 'The Big Bang.'
All the Truth, how it sings!
You can talk about physics
and the age of all things!"

"Hey, you dork!" I out-blurted,
"You must be hell's minion!
That thread's a disaster,
a war of opinion!

No science - a bar fight -
'tween some faith fundamentals
and atheist heathens,
none flexing their mentals."

"Have no fear," said the guru,
"I was just testing out,
your claim of experience.
I was ruling out doubt."

Then he whipped out a box.
Inside, I heard screeches
that caused me to cringe
and sent chills up my breeches.

"In this box are two things.
I will show them to you.
Two things, and I call them
homer and boru.

The first is quite tricky.
He made four accounts
to back up a theory
the second pronounced.

But he dissappeared quickly,
his only point being
to play with stock prices
then run away, fleeing.

But I caught him, I did,
and straight into this box
I popped him and his patron,
one boru, the fox."

"Stop right there!" I declared,
"Take that box, Go Away!
Oh I do not like it,
those games that they play!

I much prefer reason
and figuring out
how things can be better,
not grumbling without
any useful suggestions
within THIS stock system,
repeating ad nauseum
points like you missed 'em."

"Aw, nuts," said the guru,
"You DO know this forum.
I'll have to play these jokes
on newbies galorum."

Then, before I could stop him,
he Poofed out of sight
and I pitied the newbies
he'd heckle for spite.

But still I was bored
and had nothing to do,
so I opened the poetry
thread and told you.