Secrets.

          The ballroom glimmered with radience. The linoleum floors had been polished just for the occasion, and the extravagant chandalier was visable in their reflection. The enormous room had been cleared of all furniture, and the four entrances were held wide open.
Out the South door was the garden, to which some of the guests were exiting to, no doubt for the lovely blossoms the garden housed. This spring they were exceptionally aromatic, and many were drawn to the garden by fragrance alone. The majority of the guests remained in the ballroom. Those who elected to stay were likely too occupied with the lively dancing to notice the secrets that lied just beyond the doors.
          Many women in colorful gowns spun and twirled across the floors, suitors in hand. No one took notice of the tall, young maiden who entered the ballroom. She wore a shimmering emerald gown of pure silk, and a pearl necklace adorned her throat. She was a simple beauty, not gorgeous, but still attractive. Lusterous auburn tresses fell lightly against her back, curling to soft ringlets at the ends. She possesed haunting green eyes, ivory skin, and freckles danced across her ruddy cheeks, a gift from the sun. The girl peered through the crowd as if searching for someone.

          A handsome young man entered from the Eastern doors, directly opposite the girl. He was dressed in his finest, which obviously wasn't very high for one of his standing. And hand-me-down ebony suit, and slightly worn shoes. Despite his attire, he was dreadfully handsome. His jet hair complemented his tan skin, although it made him stand out frightfully. An Indian boy in a sea of proper Englishmen. His shaggy black hair fell to high cheek bones, and a strong chin completed his facial structure. He spotted the girl and they greeted each other in the center of the large ballroom.

          "Care for a dance?" The boy said nervously, and offered his hand.

          The girl took it graciously, and they fell into step, gliding across the floor. It was an elegant waltz, with the boy and girl perfectly in tune as if it had been practiced.

When their dance ended they exited through the South doors, stepping into the garden.
Colorful flowers adorned finely pruned topiary, each one contained their own, delicate scent. A myriad of plants surrounded the duo, and they struggled to take it all in.
A maze constructed of thick hedges could be seen in the distance, and a large pond occupied a space to the left. The couple crossed over to the carved stone bridge above the pond. They inhaled the view, awestruck by it's splendor.

          "It's almost as wonderous as the realms." The girl breathed, after some time.

          "I would very much like to see them one day." The boy replied, and he turned to face the girl.
          For a moment they stayed like that, simply staring into each others eyes. After what seemed an eternity the the boy tilted his head, as if asking permission for what was to come. The girl leaned foward, parting her lips slightly, giving the boy consent to follow through. Their sweet mouths pressed together, and for a moment, they were no longer in the garden. They were floating off somewhere in total bliss.
And that's when Fowlson's voice screeched in the background.
They separated, in obvious exasperation, recovered from their daze, and took off for the maze of hedges...

Author's Note

Okkkk. Well the two characters are supposed to be Kartik and Gemma from "A Great and Terrible Beauty" and it's sequels. I do not claim them in any way.



Kartik and Gemma c Libba Bray.
Short story c Me.

Now...PLEASE. My adoration of critique is ineffable. Constructively criticizing my work will result in me loving you forever!

Major editing on this one, thanks for the crits you guys!

Reviews

[Jenn]

I really enjoy your description here, but I find your use of short sentences disruptive to the flow of the elegant setting you're trying to create. Also, I found the "denoting wealth" and "indicating a lack of manual labor" distracting as well. Your audience should be able to understand that a graceful, refined woman in such a setting to be from gentry, therefore, connected to wealth and a life of leisure. That being said, when you try to point obvious facts out to your audience, to me, it comes off as condescending and hinders the story rather than enhances it. You make a wonderful use of your descriptive vocabulary, and I'd like to get a more detailed setting.

[Broken.]

Ah I love it with a mad passion my dearest excellent,
EXCELLENT!!
It makes me dying to read on my lover!!