What went wrong

I didn't know desire was such a sin.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't why I'm doing this.

I really don't.

She doesn't deserve it; making me do this.

_

With trembling hands I unbutton her blouse. Her pink n*****s come into view and I just have to touch them. I need to. I slowly bring my shaking hands up to her chest and gently slide them over her breasts. I was right. They are soft. Really soft actually. I start to think of pink lilies as my fingers creep up to her pale, flushed, beautiful neck. Through a sheer cloud of sandy brown hair, she stares at me with those heavenly hazel eyes of hers and a little smile appears on her supple, full, pink lips. I stare back, my eyes seeing into her soul, almost mesmerized by her beauty, her body, just everything about her.

I come to when I feel her hands take mine and rest it on her stomach. For a minute, I don't think I can speak. There are so many things I want to say to her right then, but I can't find the right words to sum it all up to sound just right. I decide to keep quiet until I can think of something.

I don't know where to go from here. My hand is still on her stomach. I weigh the options in my head: If I slide my hands downward she might think I'm being too forward. If I slide my hands upward and touch her chest again, I might be considered a pervert, but if I don't do something, she might think me weird and trying to waste the time I have left.

"Ann," she murmurs, tugging on my hand. Before I can act, she decides for me: My hand is tugged upward onto her chest and is swept back and forth across the surface, across the n*****s, and the narrow space between her breasts.

A smile plays along my lips and I crawl on top of her her, both of my legs on either side of her thighs. My hand still massaging her chest, I take my other hand and enclose it loosely around her neck, bent down and leave little bite marks on her neck, gaining a little confidence. At fist she doesn't react, her body is just a still, cold, block underneath my weight, and I'm afraid I'm hurting her. But then I feel her arms close around my neck and I am certain that she is alright.

"Now," She whispers in my ears and the wind is knocked out of me.

Now? I silently panic.

"Now, Ann, now," She says again and I pull back to look at her and it's as if I'm seeing her for the first time, I mean, really seeing her: There are dark, purple bruises underneath her eyes. My eyes take in the rest of her, noting the swollen, black and blue slashes on her wrists, the cut in the middle of her right eyebrows, the hungry, almost insane look in her eye, and suddenly I feel the need to look away. This is not what I wanted to.

Her eyes widen slightly, as if realizing what I must be seeing and thinking, and she grabs my chin and crashes her lips against mine. No matter how hard I try, though, I can't concentrate on just her. I can only concentrate on the fact that it's time. I just know it. I can feel it on the air. I can only concentrate on what I saw in her; the hungry animal she's been these days.

"You don't know what's like," she had said all those months ago. I hadn't known what she was talking about. "To want something you know you'd never be able to have, to have all your dreams crushed, and not have a sense of wanting to be anymore".

I still don't know if I understand what she was trying to say.

She pushes me away now, gasping for air, looks at me with desire in her eyes. I know what she's going to say and I don't want to f*****g hear it, because if I do, I'm sure that I'll lose my mind.

I try to kiss her again, to distract her, but she shoves me away.

"Please," She says, her eyes shining. "Don't make this any harder than it needs to be. Please".

I can't control my actions anymore. Suddenly, I need all of her, more, and I'm clawing at her panties, tears clouding my vision until I can't see what I'm doing anymore and streaming down my cheeks.

She says something but I don't hear her. I am a monster. My fingers are digging deep inside of her and my teeth are sinking into her neck. I can't and wont stop. This is not happening.

This is not happening. Not now.

Soon I'm crying and she's crying and holding me in her arms and I'm apologizing on no end.

"Now," She says quietly. My throat is clogged. I'm afraid to look at her.

This is not happening.

"Oh, God, now, Ann," She's crying. "Please, now.

This is definitely not happening.

"I love you, Emma" I manage between sobs. "I love you so much".

Emma does not answer right away. Her hand is reaching towards the table beside the bed, her throat working furiously.

"Now". By the time she says this, the gun is already to her head and her eyes are closed and I'm crying again.

"Is this what you want?" I whisper.

She nods without opening her eyes.

This is so not happening.

I crawl behind her and put my hand over hers on the gun. This is it, I think. My heart is racing. This is really happening.

"I love you," She says, but it is too late. I don't know who really squeezed the trigger, her or me, but I can't think of that now. She's gone.

I try not to think of her lifeless body laying on the bed before me, crimson leaking from her head. I force myself not to notice the way her skin is getting paler by the minute. No. I can't think of those things. Not now.

I pick up the gun from beside her and put it to my own head, closing my eyes as she had done.

I feel the pain before I hear the shot. My whole body jerks forward and I fall on top of her: Emma, my one and only love. The one I could not save. The one I cannot live without. The one I gave my life to.

Author's Note

Not what I usually write, but I thought I'd give it a try. And, hey, it looks like I did really good! (: Hope you guys like it.

Reviews

[Kelly Taylor]

Oh my God. This is so powerful and the emotions are spot-on. The descriptions are amazing and I found myself leaned forward, so close to the computer screen. The ending was sad, but not bad at all; in fact, if it had gone any other way it wouldn't have been as good. Amazing job.

[Akshat♥]

i just love this story....very nicely written..initially this story is very interesting..then it becomes sad...then very sad at the end.when i'm reading this i was not able to take off my eyes away from the screen...good job:)

[Coyote Poetry]

You wrote a wild and crazy story. You brought me in and held me to the terrible ending. The complete story was written with skill and create a wild vision. A outstanding story. Thank you.
Coyote

[Ruth]

Blimey hon! Sad and opppressive yet well executed!
Awesome story, really moving!
Emotions have bled onto the page here!
Excellent
xx

[1416]

Just...wow. You write with great emotion and tenderness. I LOVED this story! Congrats to you :)