Prologue

The boy looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was coming. He was being followed and he couldn’t be too cautious. He quickly walked into a very populate park and sat by the riverbank. He let his thoughts drift and before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

 

When he awoke, his head felt dizzy, like he had been drugged. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. It seemed as if he was in some sort of city. The noises of trains, people chattering and bells startled him. He began to feel relaxed. At some point after he had been sitting for a while, he got up to look around. It wasn’t long after he had gotten up that he noticed a girl. This girl had blue hair and was short. She sat in a park by a riverbank. The boy was confused. The girl turned and she smiled.

 

The girl wore a school uniform. Her blue eyes were shocking to the boy but he proceeded to her. He began to make conversation with the girl.

 

The boy began to start seeing the girl everyday for two years until one day, she went missing. This tore the man apart. He searched everywhere for her and never found her. After a while, the boy gave up. The boy went on with his life. He went on with his life. He graduated and tried to forget about the girl. However, the memory of the girl still haunted him and he knew that he would never be able to get over it. The boy started to go crazy. He told stories to by passers of the girl but nobody would believe him.

 

So the boy stayed in his house until destiny crossed his path.

Author's Note

The prologue!

Reviews

[Weaver]

comma after "He was being followed"
comma after "He let his thoughts drift"
If he's being followed and thinks he needs to be cautious, why does he just sit there and let his thoughts drift? Wouldn't he be more vigilant, even when sitting still?
"He began to feel relaxed." - bland verb phrase
"It wasn’t long after he had gotten up that he noticed a girl" - awkward and redundant - try "Not long after, he noticed a girl." Keeping the sentence shorter will make it stand out - important, since it is a turning point in the narration.
"The boy was confused" - THIS short sentence needs elaboration. How is his confusion exhibited? What does he think? What, if anything, does he do?
comma after "The girl turned" or delete "she"
"Her blue eyes were shocking to the boy"- What about them is shocking? Lots of people have blue eyes. Are hers especially bright, even luminous? Are they a strange shade of blue? Do they look like anime eyes? :)
comma after "boy"
"he proceeded to her"- wrong verb - maybe "approached her" works better
"He began to make conversation with the girl" - So what does he say? What does she say in reply? You don't necessarily need to give actual dialogue, but even a simple "He said hello, and she said hello back, and the next thing he knew, they were talking about how much they both liked feeding bread to ducks" (random example) would flesh this bit out.
"began to start seeing the girl" - awkward - try "started seeing the girl"
"everyday" - "every day" ("everyday" is an adjective that means "ordinary or commonplace" or "something that happens every day" - see the difference?)
"This tore the man apart" - "man"? I realize he's two years older, but that's not long enough time to change what you call him without some kind of transition.
"the boy gave up" - ...and now he's a boy again. Looks like "man" is a typo.
"He went on with his life" - delete sentence - you just said this
"He graduated" - "graduated from high school"?
comma after "still haunted him"
If the memory of her haunts him, you DEFINITELY need to give more detail about what happens when they meet. Hard to accept that someone would be "haunted" by memory of someone just because she had strangely colored eyes, unless there's some emotion connected to those memories.
"The boy started to go crazy" - "go crazy" how? Details!
"to by passers" - "bypasses" or better yet, "passers-by"
comma after "of the girl"
What kind of stories? Why does no one believe him?