Scandal

My autobiography. Attempting to branch beyond my normal genre. What a better subject then to write about something that you know so much about?

Behind the Sex : The Story of Scandalous

I guess you could say I’m a pretty boring child. I grew up in a four person house with my biological mother and my biological father. I have a sister. Though I haven’t spoken to any of them in the last seventeen years. I’m a pageant winner and a straight “A” student all through high school. I could speak fluent French (though I gave that up years ago). Though my childhood isn’t very interesting. I seemed like the perfect child.

 

 

I guess it was around thirteen when I really started to break lose. I lost my virginity at a party where I became abnormally drunk and hyped up on the exhilaration of, for once, breaking away from the good girl facade. Now don’t get me wrong, I completely regret losing my virginity in such a sluttish way. Elliot was the boy’s name. Only thing I remember about that night. Well, minus, waking up and puking my guts out.

 

 

Now I had just turned fourteen, it was November, when I gave birth to my daughter, Vivian Marie. It was for the best I’m sure, that she died. A stillbirth is such a hideous thing to bear. I’m sure it happened so she wouldn’t have to deal with an unwed mother with no job and no husband. Of course, seeing as I didn’t have Elliot’s number I was never able to contact him. He has no idea that he’s a father and I’m sure if he did he wouldn’t claim her. All the more reason I’m somewhat glad that she never cried. Of course I miss her everyday and the sweet clear crystal green eyes that shone lifeless, and dead.

 

 

It wasn’t but about a year later when I fell in love with my first husband. I had only been fifteen for a few days and Halloween was approaching. His name was Christian and he invited me to a Halloween party. Of course I agreed (he was a strikingly gorgeous young genius with the darkest eyes and skin) we fell quickly and fast. Had sex within the first three months of the relationship and three years later we were married.

 

 

I defiantly wasn’t prepared for marriage. Christian and I argued over everything from what to cook for dinner to weather or not we should buy or lease our house! So when we ended up pregnant the relationship seemed to tank even lower then it already was. But nine months later we gave birth to a happy healthy baby girl, Christina Lynn.

 

 

For three years we fought and argued. Made Christina miserable. Until one day when Christina was three I got up and walked out. Flung the divorce papers at Christian and two weeks later he took me to court for full custody of Christina. I didn’t even fight for it. I just let him have her, with the exception of her being allowed to see me whenever she wanted and on every Christmas and birthday. I hadn’t seen her in almost sixteen years, when about a week ago she began contacting me and came up for a visit. Her father never followed other people’s rules. Not that Christina wanted anything to do with me anyways, she practically hates me, but worships her father as if he’s a saint! Whatever though, no need to try and rekindle the bond with someone that is so near to someone else that I hate.

 

 

Did I mention one of the main reasons Christian and I ended in divorce? I was an adulterer. Only at the end when he began to deny me the one thing in the marriage I actually enjoyed. I met a man, he was engaged to my best friend. But don’t take this the wrong way! Danielle had been cheating on the poor man since they began dating! (It wasn’t until after the divorce did I discover that she had been fooling around with my husband on the side.) Andrew was miserable with Danielle and looking for an escape. I had known him for the two years they had been dating and we became really great friends.

 

 

Five months later Andrew and I moved in together. We were the happiest couple on Earth and I don’t regret the decision to marry him. We were married after dating four years. I was twenty-five and the wedding was tiny. We conceived quickly and nine-months later I gave birth to a beautiful boy, Riley Severus. I can’t say he was healthy. I really can’t. He was snatched from my arms only minutes after Andrew handed him to me and rushed into tests.

 

 

I remember hearing the clock on the wall as the time slowly ticked by. When the doctor finally walked in Andrew and I knew what he was going to say. You see, Andrew had fought leukemia for over three years and had a 75% chance of passing it on to his offspring. We knew it was a risk when he had unprotected sex, but we never actually thought the day would come.

 

 

Cancer is a hard thing to watch your child go through. It brought me to tears many times. Andrew was much stronger then me, but I had never seen him cry so hard as the day the doctor said he [Riley] had Leukemia. Riley got over it fast though. A lot quicker then they thought, catching it in the first few minutes of birth was a lucky spot! It was only in the first stage so it wasn’t hard to beat with basic treatment.

 

 

Riley was three. Andrew and I were more in love then ever, we were happy, the sex was great, our son was smart and growing healthily. We couldn’t believe our luck! Not to mention I was pregnant again and it was supposed to be a girl. Though all our happiness went down with Riley’s white blood count. Stage four leukemia landed him in the hospital in a blink of the eye. How the f*****g doctor missed all the god damn signs is beyond us! We knew he had it but nobody believed us where we were living up in Maryland.

 

 

Andrew and I grew up in North Carolina. My first husband and my daughter still lived in North Carolina. We traveled all the way from Maryland to North Carolina to see the UNC Oncologist. It was where Andrew received treatment and I trusted the place with my life.

 

 

I don’t blame UNC, it wasn’t their fault. But its tear jerking to watch your three year old son hooked up to machines keeping him alive. He died, only three days before his sister was born. Andrew and I were sitting in the room with him after a spinal tap. I’ll never forget what he said to us either.

 

 

“Mommy, Daddy? I love you guys so much! I hope that my sister is great! Can I have a kiss now?”

 

 

I can’t ever remember crying more then that night. It was like he knew he was going to die. Its pitiful to watch your son die. He just fell asleep and never woke up. They say the cancer beat him. But I don’t think its that. I think it was the cancer drugs. But I’m not blaming anyone. I just wish my son was alive.

 

 

Like I said, three days later Elaine Reva was born. Stillbirth. Never seen a more beautiful baby. Pale, pale skin, with her Daddy’s pale grey eyes, a head full of dark black hair. Not much to say about her though. Didn’t know her that well.

 

 

Of course now I’m thirty-five. Andrew and I are still happily together. Sex every other night and the best life anybody could possibly be living. We’ve tried to have more kids. We’ve had three boys Michael Carlyle, Draco James, and Andrew Snape. All stillbirths. We’ve also had two girls, Destinee Lenore, and Madison Rose. Stillbirths. So for now we’ve given up the dream of having children.

 

 

Andrew and I live together back in Maryland. I’m a teacher, working in eighth grade literature and Andrew designs video games. We hardly worry about bills but are still paying for Riley’s medical treatment. We have a family plot in a local cemetery, all of my children are buried there except for Christina, who is now pretty close to me after finding out she was pregnant at fifteen. She’s seventeen now, and her daughter, Kate, are living with Christian, whose a successful bank teller back in North Carolina. I haven’t seen or heard from my family in almost twenty years. Not that it really matters, I didn’t get along with them anyways. So for now I’m continuing to live the happy life that I love. Wrap in my little world of Scandal!

 

 

But I was thirty-five three years ago. When Andrew ended up with leukemia again is when I began to write erotica. He was in and out of the hospital and I spent most of my nights at the hospital sleeping on a green plastic couch. Writing was all I had! Andrew and I would sit in the hospital together and think of weird places to have sex, then write about it. It was what helped me through this time.

 

 

Two weeks ago I lost my husband to cancer and my writing seems to have taken a turn for the worst. But there are no fears! I got a letter from my husband only hours before he died encouraging me to continue writing. I have a couple of incomplete stories scattering my living room floor. Oh, and did I mention that Andrew died only a day after discovering that we were going to have another baby? I’m only three months pregnant and now I’m a single mom at thirty-eight. Its nothing to worry about, I’m currently typing this next to my granddaughter, who’s next to her mother curled up on the couch watching “King of the Hill.” So far life isn’t as bad as it could be. And this is how “Scandalous” began. J

 

 

Rest in Peace

Vivian Marie

Riley Severus

Elaine Reva

Michael Carlyle

Draco James

Andrew Snape

Destinee Lenore

Madison Rose

Andrew Lee

Reviews

[Brenden Moran]

There is nothing akin to loss. The most touching part of your story is the hope and acceptance you have, it's a terribly hard, but admirable trait. Thankyou for sharing.

[Steve]

My goodness! I am so sorry for all the hard times. You really are a survivor! This makes me want to read more of your stuff. Most 'writers' on here are so young and kind of silly. I appreciate you being here to 'raise the bar'.

Again, i am so sorry for your many losses.

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime we must learn the bad things to appreciate the good things. A very powerful story. No-one takes the easy road. I like the ending. I look back at my life. I'm amazed I have lived as long as I did. Thank you for sharing this story.
Coyote