Drowned Roses

Darling bouquet of drowned roses,

freshly plucked by the river of sorrows.

Lush as the heart that sewed the seeds.

Red as the blood that paid the deed.

Dried in the same air we breathe.

Wrapped in the silks of our greed.

What more fair a price could I seek

than a brazen touch of her cheek?

Alas, the payment never did I receive

though I left the gift where we agreed.

In the meadow, by the gentle stream,

where you left me in this wicked dream.

Reviews

[poetgurl]

This is so good, love the rhyme scheme and flow.

[J. Hampton]

the word elegant in three stanzas

[Ethan]

Great job. Since you seem to include commas in certain places, you might want to add them in all the correct areas. For instance, after alas. "Dried in the same air we breathe" is quite nice. Quality work, my friend.

[Nolo Segundo]

You've got some real talent, kid-- well, I'm assuming you're young since you are a student. Your 'word-sense' is spot on-- though I looked hard, I couldn't find a single forced rhyme in any of your stuff. (My own 'stuff' is mostly free verse because I lack the skill to make words waltz as you do: I'm not complaining as it forces me to try to make the words explode a bit in the reader's mind-- what I call the 'satori effect'. Not sure how oft that comes off.)
The beauty of your verse and your diction makes me think that you may have been born 200 years too late.Ours is an age of power and greed and a strange blend of unfaith and fanaticism-- hard times for poets and seekers alike. But don't worry about being a charlatan-- take it from an old man, we all are. And the reason is simple: because it is impossible to know oneself completely.Only God gets to do that, I guess.

[Sazaku]

I had to read over your review several times to feel properly prepared to respond, so you'll have to forgive me for not offering a completely candid reply. That said, this is easily the most encouraging thing anyone's ever offered me regarding my writing. Thank you, I truly appreciate it.

I often feel like my poems, while sometimes sonorous and musical as I hope them to be, lack the depth and emotive force I'd wish them to have, so this concept of the 'satori effect' immediately sounds far more impressive than my own meager work. Part of this sentiment surely stems from the old cliche of disliking your own writing, but I can't help it. I'm a perfectionist with zero hope of perfection, unfortunately enough.

As for the last bit, I think now's the time we might need writers and artists the most, whether the world realizes it or not. As more of a fantasy-slanted author myself, I can't say I'm in the best place to really claim this, but I think it takes the lens of a creator to really see our world not for what it is, but what it could yet be, if caught from the right angle. I like to think that pursuit is more worthwhile now than it's ever been.

Sorry, if you've seen my other work, you've probably noticed I have a bad penchant for ranting. I'll go ahead and put a knife in this now before I write a dissertation. Thanks again for the generous review.