Fuming 104

Drops of straw liquor, tinged purple
Dripped into the void of mystic marvels
An endless voyage with seething turbulence beneath
Soul- the sailor sails ashore while aching limbs recede.
Immersed deep into a whirling abyss
Reminiscent of silky vortex of milky delusions
Smothered by creamy layers of immaculate desires
Senses imbued with mellow nectar leaking through sugar-coated sedatives.
Eyes gaze skyward, rusty reality grazing past irate irises
Fairy fragrance conjures scary images
Of smiles
Of cries
Of all your dubious juxtaposition
With my reveries-
My love,
My lust,-
A white dove,
A smear of rust!

Reviews

[R E Tree]

I love the imagery in this it's so fascinating. You show me images of eyes, sailors and doves I think it's wonderful. I adore how the lines get shorter and shorter as you keep reading it. The words work well creating a remarkable flow and the words smothered by creamy layers and sugar-coated sedatives makes me hungry

[Devons]

Striking and surreal imagery, described with flourishing passages of wordplay that seem like a small uprising of eloquent poetic exercise. The whole thing reads extremely well and is artistically edifying, although oblique in nature. It is rather like the poetic equivalent of an abstract painting that is a little more edgy and provocative than its fellow artworks that line the gallery, where charlatans play at finding intellectual meaning in vapid canvasses. Hard to truly put into words, but the impression is strong that the sense of real existence being a conjoined collaboration of smooth and sharp objects, tainted beauty and shades between the pure and the grey seem to emanate from this poem.
"Of smiles
Of cries
Of all your dubious juxtaposition
With my reveries-
My love,
My lust,-
A white dove,
A smear of rust!"
....Fascinating.

[RDOriginal]

This poem reminds me of a big plate of sushi. There are so many delicate morsels and such a variety of tastes that it's difficult to know where to start.

You use some very nice alliterative phrases in here, "mystic marvels" and "rusty reality" which trip off the tongue and provide something more than just nice images, this is an auditory as well as a visual experience.

My favourite part is the juxtaposition of the image of a "white dove" and "a smear of rust". Putting such diametrically opposed features so close together makes the reader pause for a moment. By putting this at the end of the poem it's almost as if you're demanding the reader takes a moment to digest the rest of the work. A technique which certainly worked when I read it.

I think this poem is a good example of the blending of abstract images to create something that's more than the sum of the component parts.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Striking imagery - I like the use of rust perhaps not twice just once at the end however - but a delicious composition. Thank you!
Light,
SiddARTha

[zombiikillah666]

this makes me hungry for cake (:
great work.

[Ruth]

Excellent!
The use of concise structure and the word usage are brilliantly exorcised!
xThe last part picks up pace that overwhelms, nice work
xx

[Dinesh Sairam]

WOW, splendid usage of words ;) "juxtaposition" is a new word for me. Likewise, I liked a lots of imageries - "Seething turbulence", "Silky vortex", "Rusty reality grazing", "Fairy fragrance" :) You've given us a wonderful poem, mate :) Thanks :)

[Ashley.M.E]

this is a nice poem, I love doves so yeah xD that little part reminded me of my cute little bird, in anycase well done.

[sumit]

sayandeep u know where i raised my question... other than that it's truly depicting something...

[miSS LEaf]

Plath's Fever 103 now? :)
hmm there are some great punches in this poem....... some other gave me a minor headache.......
i'd suggest 'fairy fragrance conjures scary images' to be replaced with '...... scary fantasies'~ (it's just an opinion, of course)
your creativity is unstoppable ~L