Gift of Gaze

Two sides of sorrow to savor a sane,
One side is open to step on to fame.
There ain't a posture to live up n gain,
And we can't open to erase our pain.

'Cause we know we live and we fail to pray for the tumbled thoughts n grace,
'Cause we know we leave and we fall a prey to a grief of gift of gaze!

Two rules of rebel to fire a fear,
One kills and comes back,seeking this share.
And no love wins there,no hate to play;
No soul of sin there and no rules of reign.

Author's Note

One of the few songs i wrote once....check it out.. after i had finished writing it, I found it altogether a weird stuff...:P

Reviews

[RDOriginal]

I'm guessing from the staccato nature of the rhythm and the complexity of the sentences this is performed in a rap style... You have some good imagery in here and I like the similarity between the first and second verses (two sides/rules). I'm no expert on the genre but noticed you've changed the number of beats per line in the first verse and the second (10 going to 9 and then finishing on a 10 syllable sentence) - I'm not sure if this would work so well when being performed as the genre seems to be a lot about consistency and the staccato nature of the performance. Interesting nonetheless and you may find one of the resident lyricists able to provide more professional advice.

[The Uncommon Muse]

Interesting...I could see this being performed in a rap style similar to Eminem's, though I personally felt it could a bit more rhyming aspect to it...but thats mostly me...I love rhymes....but I enjoyed this all the same

[R E Tree]

I like the style of this poem. I can tell you worked hard at this write. I can imagine this being performed because it's something like what eminem would rap to or any other rapper. I'm no expert at writing lyrics or poems what you could rap to but this poem impressed me

[Crowley]

Nice rhythyn here, got a little hung up on the last sentence of the first stanza. The chorus part was really cool and the last stanza brought down the house. Nice job.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

I would love to hear the music accompanying this. Speaks volumes about the human condition.
Light,
SiddARTha

[Ruth]

This is great! I imagine an acoustic piece with a nice twelve string guitar loll

Awesome words hon!

xx