Battle of the Bereaved

One battle of one bereaved husband..but when he finds his little daughter in happy spirits, it seems no longer a battle...

Little Merry merrymaking in the courtyard..
With little kids surrounding her,
Some oldsters, jovial and genial, hanging out with old pals.
And young Marcus gazing at his small wonder..


Silently he whispers,"fragrant like a bud wet with dew-beads,
Like senses winding up and caressing me underneath..
And all my affection fondles my passions,
Is this the peace in each silent breath?"


One father beams,and one daughter laughs...
One husband cried, for one wife died...
One battle of the bereaved still goes on,-
'Cause however he weeps, his daughter smiled...


Smiled when he shed drops of tears....
Smiled when he felt lost in fears..
Oh how sweet a battle this is to fight...
Where a doleful soul finds Her respite..


Hours pass by, and finally the party breaks...
Oldsters, youngsters and kids depart..
Merry and Marcus still rejoice...
With bigger hopes and their battle, apart!

Reviews

[The Uncommon Muse]

hmmm...I wanted to totally love this poem and your 3rd and 4th stanzas were just wonderfully emotional and heartwrenching, but I have to say I kinda squicked when I read the second stanza and saw the words caressing and fondles...and all of a sudden my mind went to pedophilia and not a loving but grieving father. Your rhyming also seemed to jump all over the place and perhaps thats just me not recognizing your pattern, but it was a bit distracting. so I give you kudos for the 4th and 5th stanzas because those I did love.

[Abdul Aziz]

I agree with Devons that this has a nursery rhyme quality to it. Almost all your poems have something special in them, and this is no exception. Your rhymes are always very good, and the flow is great too. I do not know about the lines The Uncommon Muse has pointed to, but I don't think they detract much from the poem.
Good job!

[Devons]

This almost has a nursery rhyme quality about it, and a tender moral which makes it more than just a mere lyrical poem. The tale is told with pretty and hopeful sparkle, and the little image invoked in the mind is a charming and reassuring one.. along with the message that life and hope may carry on with the children of the departed, and how the innocence of children can inspire and rekindle an optimism which once seemed lost.
"One father beams,and one daughter laughs...
One husband cried, for one wife died...
One battle of the bereaved still goes on,-
'Cause however he weeps, his daughter smiled..."
The above verse depicts all I have alluded to in a beguiling cameo of words.
Nicely done.

PS. however, I agree with Uncommon Muse that the line she cites is a little off-putting for a moment...

[abhas]

a sweet thought indeed... but rhyming scheme is something that happens randomly.. is that intentional.. or just like going with the flow?...
whichever be it... it was a grasping read...