The Return

No one is safe...

   She sat there, gazing as the pink-orange blend of the caribbean sky faded into a dark envelope of black. Soon she could see the numerous stars winking down at her. She could hear the crickets beginning to chorus their songs through the night. It was a cool, calm silent sort of night - indeed, as she turned her gaze toward the dark, distant, mysterious sea, one might expect that she would feel an immense sort of ease. It was the perfect situation in which to feel relaxed - but she was far from it. 

   Instead, she felt everything opposite of the aura her environment created. Inside her was a raging torrent of emotions, ominous and unrestrained. She didn't know what it was or why she felt it, but whatever it was, it coursed through her mercilessly, racking every nerve in her body. She suddenly became aware of a wetness upon her face and was startled. It wasn't rain. She slowly put her hand up against her cheek and discovered that she had been crying. How long? How long had it been?

   Suddenly a vibrating noise shattered the stillness of the night. It took her a moment to realize that her phone was silently ringing. She got up as if in a trance and made her way towards the phone, perched atop the porch table. 

   "Hello?"

   "Caryn?" came the hoarse whisper.

   "Chris? Is that you?" Caryn eagerly inquired. She felt a wave of relief wash over her, ridding the clamp of darkness over her body as she heard his familiar voice.

   "Shhhh! Yes it's me. Now, I want you to listen. Just do what I say--," Chris hurried. 

   "Chris, what's going on?" Caryn asked in confusion. 

   "Shhhhhh, they can hear you!"

   "What? Who can h----,"

   "Just listen to me! Okay...I'm at the back of your house with my lights turned off. I need you to turn off all the lights in the house and walk out the back door slowly. When you get to the edge of the garden, I want you run like hell. Don't look back."

   "Chris wha---,"

   "Just do it, Caryn! I'll explain later."

   "But Chris---"

   "Go, NOW!"

   Click.

   A second of silence, and then the drone of a dial tone. The feeling was back. But instead of making her cry, it made her absolutely frightened. She felt waves  of terror pulsate through her as she began to turn off her lights. Suddenly, she could feel someone, something...watching her. As she flipped off the last switch nearest the back door she heard a low rustling. It sounded like it was coming from the front window. 

   Not wasting anymore time, she followed Chris' directions and made her way out the back door and through the yard. She faintly noticed that the crickets were no longer chirping. In fact, the place was now deathly silent. The stillness was broken however by the snapping of a nearby twig. Heart hammering against her chest, Caryn hastened her steps and, as soon as she was within inches of the edge of the garden, she darted towards Chris' car in a blind sprint. Whatever it was that had caused the sound was now openly chasing her. She felt adrenaline coursing through her as the rustle of brush behind her came closer and closer. Chris' car swung up right in front of her and she raced into it, not daring to look back as he took off at full speed. 

She heard a blood curdling screech...

As soon as they were a good distance away, Chris pulled aside along a well-lit road near a fairly populated town and looked at Caryn with concern. Her dark eyes were blank as she speechlessly stared ahead. 

   "You okay?" he asked her. 

  It took her a while to reply. 

    "What do you think?" she finally managed, almost in a whisper. Chris fell silent. 

    "What in the heck was that?!" Caryn suddenly fired. She swung around in her seat to face him. He could clearly tell she was terrified. 

But Chris' expression suddenly tensed once more. His eyes darted to the rearview mirror, and within seconds both hands were again on the wheel. 

  "I'm not exactly sure," he said as started the engine, 

  "but whatever it is, it's still after us..."

*to be continued*

   

  

Author's Note

Another story I started when I went through my random suspense/thriller phase. Thoughts on this one?

Reviews

[Miss Evans]

This was more mystery than suspense for me, although I am wondering what exactly was following them about now. As usual, your writing style is very nice, and your plot and characterization are neat as well.

I loved how Caryn kept asking questions, even after he told her to just be quiet and do what he said—That’s probably what any girl would do in a scenario like this.

I noticed very few grammatical errors, you may want to just sit down and look over it with a fine tooth comb.

Overall, another well done.

[MOON]

Scary write , you kept the suspense and the dialogue good.

[Mary]

very nice, the first paragraph was my favorite lays the scene very well.

[Emma Berman]

royal purple prose.

[E. Ryan Miller]

Very good. The emotion you evoke is definitely terror.

[Wendy Seames Garner]

Oh my goodness, you better start writing fast - I have to know what it was! A suspenseful thriller for sure, great writing, R.G.