The Bridge

Can we build a bridge to be together?

The Bridge

 

Can we build a fenced paved road

To quiet our fears

And make it through the danger below

If I was on the other side,

Would you cross it?

Or will there always be

 This bridge between us

 

I want to make this right

Repair what has been broken

I will risk the hurt below,

If you say you’ll be waiting there

Don’t you see I could never regret it?

I would build the bridge and cross

Just to be with you

Reviews

[Kaitlyn Raiford]

I can relate to this as I have that one person who I would do anything in the world for. All I need is what they want done, and it will be done. This poem accurately portrays that feeling of hope and of desperation that I once had as I begged for something, anything, that I could do in order to be with that person once more. My life has revolved around this person for four years, and I still do not regret all of the things that I did or do for them. Great job. It was a beautiful yet simplistic piece that captured a common day-to-day issue.

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you, I am glad you were able to relate it to you and your experience.

[MARK JOHN JUNOR]

beautifully written with the heart

[FlamingPhoenix]

"If I was on the other side would you cross it"--beautiful truth. Excellent work!

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you!

[Sami Khalil]

"Repair what has been broken

I will risk the hurt below,

If you say you’ll be waiting there "

Very relatable and with tinges of regrets...Bravo................

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you so much!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)...................

[W.k.kortas]

There are some very nice things going on in this piece--I think it would very easy to over-write this piece, making it emotionally weepy. You've avoided that quite nicely here; one prior reviewer used the term "simplistic", but that has a bit of a negative connotation--I would say "restrained" is a better description. I think the pacing of the piece is quite nice as well. I'm a little confused by a couple of things--the notion of "a (f)enced paved road" threw me a bit--I think you may be referring to the fact that many or most bridges have fencing, but I found that unclear. I was also a bit befuddled by the "bridge between us" in the final line of the first stanza, which suggests (to me, anyway) that the bridge is a barrier , which seems in direct opposition to what it symbolizes in the second stanza. I believe that those items need some clarification, but, again, there is much that is good here, especially the ability to understand that, at times, less is indeed more--that's a place that some people never reach in their writing.

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you. I think it represents both. The issue seems to be that the narrator wants to build the bridge because they want the relationship to last. A fenced one to protect them from life's distractions that can ruin it again. However, there is a barrier and it seems like the bridge is there but the other person isn't willing to cross it or even meet them halfway. So the narrator tries to make them understand that they would do it all and sacrifice all that is on their side if the one they love would just say that they want this too, to be together. Thoughts?

[W.k.kortas]

I might consider making the notion of the barrier a bit more explicit in the first stanza, and perhaps soft-pedal the notion of the things below it, which I think is what threw me a bit, as it connotates that the bridge is a protection from those things below it.

[A. Amos]

Great work in this one, I like the concept of giving a second chance to relation...good job my friend

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you!