Is it wrong to hate someone ?
The person that supposedly help create your whole life existence. I can’t have that feeling of love for this person ever. As bad as he had hurt me and made me feel as though I wasn’t anything but a waste of life. Each day is harder and harder I can never just be okay with anything I hide myself too much. Some days things are a major distraction to the real point that something is morally wrong. How do you learn to be independent and live your life to be free if you can’t. I have so much tears to shed and so much rage that it’s completely unbearable at this point.
I just want to hide under a hole and cry. I don’t want feel like this anymore to feel hurt and dead inside. I can never tell anyone ever. No one will ever understand that’s why it’s better to secrete the sentiment . To forget like a nightmare as a child you try to provoke because of the trauma it causes , the sentimental feeling that it brings that physically eats you up internally. Similar to cancer inside pains you , feeds off you , and spreads until one day you decide to give up you can’t carry on because you’re physically drained. That’s all I feel. I already feel dead inside honestly. Situations that occur in life kill you itself without a thought or a reason it just happens. It’s life and that’s what it does. Life isn’t fun ,it isn’t a game, but it is what you make of it.
This feeling of not feeling anything makes me worried. I’m scared of what I’m becoming and what I will do. I want to be normal, feel good about waking up in the morning with the sun shining and the wind blowing freely. Agony is what is posted upon me. I have dream not like anyone else’s I believe. I want to relive my life the way I want to live it. To not have my dreams put down, to be my own person with my own opinion, my own state of mind with no pain from the person that’s supposed to love you.
Because you're there daughter!
You’re supposed to be there not just there to sleep go to work and come home the next day. He’s almost like a ghost shadow a spirit walker with no life. A simple glance when you’re mad and you need me to “blow off some steam”. Your father’s is supposed to be that man that cares about you through everything to show you that he cares. To be proud to call you his and not just “the other one “. After all this time with this I haven’t cried to the point where Jesus gave me no more tears. My eyes blinding me, my heart hurting , my mind blown. I’m torn magic can only fix me.
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