Cut Up Pieces

           An imposingly bitter profanity.

   Without a label, you lose reality.

              You lie in the cold to hide from the old,

And you shift in your clothes when words come from foes.

 

               The angst that you feel is impressively strong.

   Though your life's been hard, it's not been long.

           Maybe you'll mature and see for yourself

      The Bible you left bygone along that shelf.

 

                               Is it true what they say

            About no heaven?

                           Are we in hell

                Counting by sevens.

 

    You say there's no hell

   Scared you'll go there.

        Are the flames and the chains

    Something you can't bear?

 

                I hope there's a heaven, and we can deal without hell.

      What happens without Him and His stories to tell.

 

What happened to faith?

Have we all lost hope?

Have we lost our sensibility,

Our reasons to cope?

 

          Have we drifted from reality,

     Just like you?

Rather than taking in acceptance,

    kneeling at the pew..

Author's Note

it isn't my best. but I got pretty P.O.ed

Reviews

[fireblossom]

I think its a very good poem. It says a lot.

I love the Bible but I don't like what most religions have done to use it like a scary clown face to keep people in line. I like the fact that your poem questions its teaching. The isn't any scary hell in the Bible. That was one of the man made things like do what we say or you'll be punished forever. They they want you to believe in a God of love, right? Imagine how God feels about people painting him as some monster.

Anyhow, your poem brings important thoughts to the fore. Thank you.

[S. Michael Long]

I love this.. and yes, (in response to the last review) i would say religion counts as a coping mechanism for around 99.9 percent of people who are religious, it is also used for people who want to hide behind something or make themselves look better than they really are. excellent write.

[TheSweet]

Fantastic flow, I didn't fumble a single word on my first read through. I like the idea too, though I wouldn't say religion counts as a coping mechanism. Thanks for sharing :)

[Chris]

a lot of people "feel" things... some will even speak of them...

[Distant horizons]

I'm not a religious person but having faith is important. Faith in yourself and others, friends, family, strangers. We do seem to be living in a time where consideration for others is losing importance. Nicely structured, thought provoking piece.

[E.V. Black]

No, this IS your best.

Faith is something like hope: if one loses it, one loses everything. Unfortunately, there are many who have lost faith in themselves, like those who lose faith in God, and succumb to their own self-fulfilling prophecy. They think that they can't fight anymore, but it's just because they can't see that they have enough strength to go on. It's a very common struggle, and one that you were really able to pinpoint wonderfully.

At the end, this reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago in Catholic school. We were told to write poems about God. I wrote mine quite similar to this. I wasn't sure whether or not I believed in a god, but I do believe in something greater than us, which I do call God. Religion has always been tentative for me, and it's not easy for me to pinpoint. You helped me to consider what I believe in.

[J. Ghalden]

knealing at the pew - Kneeling*
Other than that uber uber small spelling mistake, it was a very well written poem. To me, to be honest, it didn't have much depth, but it was entertaining to read. Kind of like driving an old looking car versus driving, say, a Lamborghini. There's just that difference that can be felt between them. Though, I did like this poem, actually. It shows a lot of potential, though I do agree with Nathan below, that maybe changing the pace up a bit would help drastically.

Keep goin'. Methinks you're one to watch. :)

[Reaper]

I love it. Great flow and structure.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

This relaxes on the premise of faltered youth and decision, well done, good read.

[Nathan1289]

I think this section:-

What happened to faith?
Have we all lost hope?
Have we lost our sensibility,
Our reasons to cope?

has some really good pace to it. It's kinda like a chorus to a song, i think you should use that as bench mark for the poems flow. Break it up with verses and I think you'll have a cool write.

here is an example:-

An imposingly bitter profanity, you have no dates or labels for reality.
You lie in the cold to hide from your foes, and hang to a piece of your sanity.

The angst that you feel is impressively strong, for a life that hasn't been long.
Maybe you'll mature to be reassured, that mistakes are not always wrong.

What happened to faith?
Have we all lost hope?
Have we lost our sensibility,
Our reasons to cope?

Then carry on into another verse type section. That's just my quick idea, i think you have some good stuff there. I just think the pace is a little erratic, if that is ironed out, your good to go!