Thoughts in Flight

Delicacy is primitive,

Replaced with angst.

We live in a world

With holes of bitter taste.

 

The girl relies on those who can’t speak to her;

Loving those who aren’t there for sure.

She hates those that can’t take the heat;

Mourning those that got cold feet,

And ran away like she did one day.

Went to come back,

But was led astray.

 

With fists breaking to every beat;

A dent in her stomach.

Longer waits to eat.

 

She fills in the holes of bitter taste,

She fills them with confusion

And no time to waste.

 

With the pain in her heart

And the bruises on her thighs;

Look in the mirror.

She can’t be recognized.

 

Her cries for help and debts to pay

Have ridden her dry.

She begins to fade.

 

A tap on the shoulder.

“Are you all right?”

Her heart gets colder.

Her thoughts lost in flight.

 

 

Reviews

[Priya]

The angst, hurt and disappointment experienced by the protagonist is plainly on show here. Simple, but strong word choices. I really like this work of yours. My only suggestion would be to either adopt a more consistent rhyme scheme, or to do away with rhyme altogether. But that is just a minor niggle. I applaud you for this poem :)

[Distant horizons]

This is excellent but the last four lines are just brilliant.

[Empirik]

When I read the title I thought, "what a cool title." I really enjoyed the prose. Rhythm is there and a deep emotional grasp is aware, and speaking through dark eyes builds a storm front as she tries to process those lies. It is sometimes hard to realize it, but when you can write it this way it is clear. Nice work!

[Sophie]

I thought I'd return the favor of your wonderful reviews to the best of my abilities.
I find when I have to read a poem twice to understand what's going on, it's a pretty great poem, this would be in that category. I loved the message, and the confusion laced into this, as if ou experienced everything she went through. I love the metaphors and the like. great write.