February 25, 2012

I don't expect anyone to completely comprehend what's happening if I just begin this with my random, rambling thoughts. So here it goes... My mom abused her body with liquor and drugs whenever she was younger. Even now, she abuses her body, but with things like Red Bull (haha, funny. Right? who would've thought something that tastes so...amazing would cause her heart problems?) And I don't blame only the Red Bulls.

      But she's been to the hospital twice in the past month, each time she's gone to the Critical Care Unit so she can be very carefully monitored. My dad tells me everyday that she's probably about to leave this world behind.

      I'd love to believe in heaven, a place where everyone that accepts Jesus Christ as their salvation goes. But... I don't.

      And that really... really sucks... Because I believe my mom deserves to go to that wonderful place... And... I hope it does exist... I really do. But... I dunno. The world is a confusing place.

      This week she went to the hospital. And during this week, her and my dad's fights have gotten worse and worse. He cares so much about her, but she doesn't understand that. I don't think she know how to be a friend, a lover, a spouse, to anybody. But I still love her. And I always will. David, my dad, is just really frustrated, and he has every right to be, right?

      But what if he doesn't?

      I don't know what to think abou this situation.

      This week, the school board declared that they're not rehiring David. He feels betrayed.. by everyone. He's put in every ounce of care that he could. And nothing good is coming towards him in return.

      I'm probably going to have to move from here pretty soon, which... I don't mind. Except that, the guy that's been there for me through absolutely everything is the guy I'm going to have to leave behind. James has been... such a great friend.

      His father, like my mother, was a drugaddict and alcoholic. He's done everything he could for his father, to keep him in line. To keep his family going. But nobody ever gave him credit for any of the stuff he did.

      I'm sick to my stomach and I have too many thoughts flowing through my head.

      What's there to do?

      Pray.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

You dive so deeply into your experiences... your life and all the confusing thoughts and feelings that surround us... I truly appreciate the honesty in which you write... sharing with us, and allowing all your readers to know the world can be confusing and lonely, but we have each other to lean on..

A truly heart felt piece of writing here. All in and out of life's truly told with honesty on top!(or made out fiction, so clearly ofcourse :D) I appreciate your concern that I feel in your writing piece clearly. Although you don't want to feel or let feel the character you write about feel weak.... there is where I feel the bite. And same time the insecurity to let it all in the hands of the universe~

[Eagle Cruagh]

You wrote a long answer, beautifully written,
but I lost it. It just disappeared.
I am so sorry.
I am your friend. Come on back and
talk whenever you feel like it.
I promise to answer you first next time.
----- John

[Eagle Cruagh]

I won`t talk AT you.
If you want to talk I will be
glad to exchange ideas, and or
stuff that I have written and
will read stuff that you have written.
---- John