Prologue

Prologue

*From the Perspective of Megan Azalea*

The way I look at it, life is split into only two things.

Life is broken up into what makes you, and what breaks you. Or at least, that was how I always wanted life to be. It almost seems like life would be too simple if that was all there was to it, wouldn’t it? But I like things simple. And so, for the longest time that is what I convinced myself must have been true. Things that make you, and things that break you, that had to be all there was….

But the truth is far more unsettling….the truth is that sometimes, the things that break you also make you. Make you who you are. Make it so you can never be fixed. Make it so that you can’t see anything but how broken you are. To be broken isn’t so bad in itself, let me tell you- but to feel broken is another story entirely. To feel broken is to feel tossed aside, to feel vile and toxic and...unwanted. There was a time I felt broken, a long time ago. But there was somebody who helped me through that, helped fix me, for lack of a better term.

That’s another thing I’ve learned- people can fix one another, as well as utterly destroy one another. We can pretend that the things that people do to us don’t bother us- but they really do. They hold an impact that is deeper than mere words. Even in a world like this, a dumping ground for the incomplete and broken, we still grow attached. And I don’t believe that is ever a mistake. It is meant to happen, we as people are made to love, to form bonds. After all, that is what defines our existence. Some are more shielded than others, and normally I would say there is nothing wrong with that.

But unfortunately, when disaster strikes, and the person who loved so few loses one- the effects are all the more devastating. Just because you didn’t love many, doesn’t mean you loved any less. In fact- it probably means you loved more. You cared about each person inside of your circle so much… so much that losing even one would kill you inside. Which is why you tried to push people away, isn’t it? This was exactly what you were trying to avoid...You didn’t want to break. Didn’t want to experience so much pain. You always knew how to deal with pain on the outside. Pain on the outside would fade with time- but you were oh so vulnerable on the inside… Nobody can blame you for what you did...after all, we probably would have done the same, under similar circumstances.

You were strong. Too strong for too long. And I always admired you, you know. Even now- when it’s dark and I can scarcely see the page in front of my face. Even after everything that happened- I still admire you, still care about you. You went through life like a chess game, really. Playing people like pawns, using them and yet never thinking of them as mere pieces or objects. You were your own king- and you risked your own life in the end for all of us, you would face the greatest threat of all for us- for not only us, those within your circle, but for the people you hadn’t even known or met yet.

And I guess that is why I admire her- really.

Because even when she was weak, she was strong. She had a sort of resolution that, even when she was in total anguish on the inside, would never let her give in. Life isn’t a gambling game, it’s about deciding what is most important. And even though lots of people can never really make that decision, let alone pull through with it and protect what they love at the same time, she did. I know she never really liked the phrase “follow your heart”, but that’s what she did. She followed her heart and made things right. Even if the right thing hurt many people, and even killed others. Some will paint her a villain, no doubt. But I tell you in advance- everything she did was right and virtuous, was for good reason- right up until the end. Or should I say, the beginning? I like to think that our end was just another beginning, actually.

She once told me, ‘To be strong is not to be without weakness, it simply means that you have the courage and resolution to overcome the weakness inside of you. Nevermind any pain, ridicule, or consequence that may come of it- if you want to be strong, you can never let your weakness win.’. I think that’s a really good mantra to live by, in all honesty. I mean- really think about it. We all have weakness inside of us, and we can’t just give up or go with the flow if we want to do great things. It is ok to be afraid, really it is, little humans. We would know, after all. We grew up in a world of nightmares. And it is ok to be afraid every now and then. Just never let your fear get the best of you.

She always told me it was ok to be afraid, so long as fear never got the better of me.

But I don’t think she ever really thought about pain that way, of heart break. She never once said, “It is ok to feel broken and hurt, so long as you never let that pain win.”. So she wasn’t prepared, wasn’t ready when that wave hit. She couldn’t have been.

And since she never said it, I feel like maybe I should say it for her.

It is ok to feel pain, to feel hurt inside- so long as you don’t let that hurt overwhelm you. That makes sense, doesn’t it?

God- I can still remember the first time I saw her after he was killed...That look on her face….

It’s ok to feel hurt, sister- really it is…

We have to overcome what makes us feel weak, remember?

Don’t you…..Princess Aurora…?

You just have to remember….