Chapter Twelve: Wasted all these Tears of Mine

A lot of dialogue between Aura and Kurai, and it gets rather heated...

I wake with a start, the resounding metal ‘bang!’ still ringing in my head, as though I had actually been there, back in that moment of time. As though I had just lived through that scene all over again. I felt….strange inside, when I awoke.  It felt as if there were a greater weight in my chest that usual, perhaps the same feeling as if I had swallowed a large stone and it had sunk to the bottom of my stomach. Almost like there were something different, very nearly foreign, inside of me. I didn’t know what it was, but it alarmed me. It alarmed me so badly that I sprang out of bed and very nearly tripped over a wooden training staff that had been propped against my wall and must have toppled over in the night, what could have toppled it? In that moment I didn’t really stop to think about that, I just swore as it grazed my pinkie toe and my stitched up shoulder throbbed. It was a duller pain than it had been when I fell asleep- a sign that the witch concoctions were still in effect.

I looked down, seeing my wrinkled night shorts and camisole. My skin was covered in a sheen of clammy sweat, a strange thing- considering it was rather cool in my room. I threw on a hoodie that had been tossed onto my floor, not caring if it was mine or simply one Megan had left behind when visiting, and made my way to the front door. It was dark outside. It was always dark outside. I don’t know why I marveled at it so much this time.

“Where are you going?” A voice startles me, I turn to see Kurai, sitting at the kitchen table, his silver eyes partly hidden by his messy hair.

“Going for a jog.” I say, my voice sounds breathy, strange.

“And you aren’t making me go with you? That doesn’t sound like the slave driver I know.” I somewhat appreciate how he didn’t make a note on my choice of attire. For a moment my mind flashes back to that memory, of how Megan and I first came to know each other. I push the memory away and snap back to reality.

“I just want some fresh air.”

“I don’t think that’s wise. You’re still hurt, why don’t you just stay home and do something that wouldn’t cause possible harm? I’ll just open a window or something.” I resist the urge to ask what he is doing awake, I resist the urge to ask him anything at all. I force myself to remember that, no matter how things may seem now, that I hate Kurai Darknight. And he hates me.

“Fine.” I settled down on the couch, but then I noticed my bag, the satchel I had taken with me on our mission.  I dragged it over within reach with my toes, putting my foot between the loop of the strap. The contents inside clunked around a bit, and I opened it up. My nose was then assaulted with the pungent odor of old. I wrinkled up my nose and plucked the journal from the top of the heap, a cool draft of air ruffling my hair as Kurai opened up a window.

I tried prying open the latch again, jiggling it and wiggling it, gently tapping it against the table, but no luck came until I managed to ram a thin knife up under the circular latch, and I lifted the blade suddenly- the latch popped open. But it also snapped, broken into two little bits. That stubborn latch would let itself break before it would let me witness its contents. Well, I guess we saw who won that, now didn’t we?

“What have you got there…?” Kurai looks over, noticing the dilapidated tome in my lap.

“Something from that little town...I found it searching one of the houses….”

“Does it have any answers?”

“Not sure. I haven’t been able to open it until now.” I opened the book, turning the first blank page and blinking as the first symbols met my eye. Symbols- because they were not actually letters. This wasn’t a journal, as I had thought. Or at least- not the sort of journal I had assumed it would be.

“What is this?” I turned the book, showing to Kurai the bizarre drawing that had taken me aback. It was a circle, full of lines and strange symbols that looked more like hasty scribbles. In the middle of the circle was an eye, drawn crudely in what appeared to be red ink rather than black ink, which was what everything else on the page was written (or drawn) in. The eye’s pupil was large, and made up of the thick webbing of cross-hatching that had occurred when the thick black lines intersected one another. It looked almost like a dream catcher, if there hadn’t been some incredibly nightmare-ish quality about it. The hand that had drawn it was shaky at best, and somehow that only made the crude drawing all the more eerie.

For a moment there is a look of recognition on his face, but it disappears like the wink of a candle. “No. Never seen it before.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, looking at the crude drawing intently, as if my scalding gaze would somehow turn it into something comprehensible. It didn’t, of course.

“Yeah. Positive. But I think you should put that thing away, it doesn’t exactly seem...right.” He seems a bit more jittery than usual, and I give him a quizzical look.

“I’ve looked at scarier things than a book, Dimwit. I’ve done your laundry.”

“Hey- leave my laundry out of this.”

“Just making a truthful statement.”

“Yeah well make a truthful statement about how you hog the bathroom, ok?”

“I do not hog the bathroom.”

“Yeah? Try telling me that when I’m having a bladder emergency in the morning and you’re still shampooing your hair.”

“I have a lot of hair.”

“Yeah and I have a lot of testosterone, got it?”
“I could’ve gone my WHOLE LIFE without hearing that from you.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“You’re just disgusting.”

“You have an outrageous superiority complex.”

“Is that your way of saying I think myself your superior? Touche. And yes, I do, actually. But this is all a distraction, isn’t it?”

“This may actually possibly in a very small way be my attempt at distracting you.”

“Nice try, but no. Why don’t you want me to look at this book anyhow?” I ask, cutting the senseless banter short and giving him a curt stare.

“I just...I don’t think it’s such a great idea for you to go digging into certain things.” He says haltingly, he shifts his weight onto his right leg- reading his body language I can tell at once that this topic has made him increasingly uncomfortable.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me.” I say dryly.

“There are some things I shouldn’t have to tell you.” He retorts, his eyes picking out a particularly interesting spot on the wall.

“Fine then.” I state.

“Fine then? That’s it? You’re just going to drop this?” He looks at me, his tone incredibly confused.

“Of course I am.” ‘Of course I’m not.’ I say inside of my head. It’s almost like he doesn’t know me at all. If princess thinks he can hide something from me- he’s got another thing coming. I’m not afraid of getting my hands dirty. He looks utterly baffled for a while before he actually smiles at me, and I feel that strange weight in my stomach shift.

“Aurora…”

“What?” I retort back tastelessly, I didn’t like this feeling, nor him speaking my name so casually.

“You’re not really who I thought you were, are you?”

“Your question confuses me. I have always been me, you having the notion that I was a different person is grounds for accusations of insanity.”

“And there you go, being all literal again.” He sighs.

“Of course. I am nothing if not straightforward.”

“You got that right…” He grumbles. But even as he grumbles, he has a different sort of light in his eye.

“I’m saying that you actually care- and don’t deny it. You actually care about people. You care about the humans, you care about Megan, and you should admit it- You actually care about me too, don’t you?” He’s looking right at me, those silver eyes staring at me as though I were not dressed in wrinkled sleeping shorts and a rather messy hoodie.

“What gives you these ideas?”

“The way you defended the mortals, the way you talk to Megan, the way you saved my life back there-”

“Don’t go jumping to conclusions. Yes, alright? I feel compelled to protect the humans. It is our fault they are tormented, it is only right that we take responsibility and erase those threats. And on top of that-” I cut myself off abruptly.

“On top of that- what?” He pries.

“My mother was a mortal.” I toss the words into the air as if they will explode in a matter of seconds. “Yes, human. Completely, absolutely, no doubt about it- human. But there’s no use talking about her, she’s dead. She’s been dead for a long time. I can’t even remember her face.” This time it is I who looks away, biting the inside of my cheek. It almost feels like admitting to him my diluted blood will make me so much more weakened and vulnerable. “I don’t even know why I told you that. Like you said- there are some things I shouldn’t have to tell you.”

“No, it’s totally fine- my mom was human too.” I give him a surprised glance, he is smiling wryly. Why is he smiling? There is nothing special about mortals, they are among the weakest of bloods.

“Yes, well, good for us then. Twins in mismatched genes. Whoopity doo, lets throw a party.” I twirl my finger in a mocking circle.

“Don’t you think it’s strange though? That we’ve known each other this long and still know nothing about one another?”

“Maybe it’s better that we know nothing about one another.” I confide, folding my hands together tightly in my lap, over the top of the gaping eye that made me feel as though we were being watched, an irrational feeling- but a feeling nonetheless.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re saying. How can knowing one another, as partners, be a bad thing? It would make our bonds stronger.”

“And that is my point!” My voice bursts out as I stand abruptly. I am shaking, my body trembling as my mind shuns the very thought of explaining myself and all that I am to this young man. “Bonds! Bonds make one weak! To become invested in another person?! It is an outrageously idiotic practice!  What happens when that person is no more, hm?! What happens when they leave, and never come back!? You are left with a pain that will never go away, you will never cease thinking about them- it will distract you and make you completely and utterly pitiful! You become tethered to them and all that they do! You become reliant on them, whether you mean to or not! Becoming close to another person just makes it easier to get hurt, it is just another thing to be used against you! I have few bonds to things in this world, but even so the ones I have are far too many! I don’t need any more!” The way I shouted the last phrase almost sounded like, “I don’t need you, either.” . The stone in my stomach does flips as I shout at him, his face blank- as though he is hearing, and understands, but does not want to accept what I am saying. I don’t know what this feeling is- and then it seizes me, the sudden realization. This dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach, as I shout at him and only him- confirms the only thing that I fear. That I have already made myself weaker, that I have already become dangerously close to Kurai, that we have tangled and will never be untangled.

“So you don’t want to get close to me, because you’re afraid I will be your weakness?” He says slowly. I lift my chin up high and stomp my foot once.

“To water down the concept, yes.”

“You must have a sad existence if that is your perspective. You can never completely block people out, you know that, right?”

“I know this. But it does not mean that I cannot keep as far a distance from them as I can anyway.”

“But if you continue to do that- you’ll only hurt yourself. I mean- look at Marianna and I-”

“Oh don’t you dare bring that priss into this! That only proves how stupid one can become when they go out looking for relationships! She is a repulsive person!”

“Look who’s talking!” He shouts back at me, and I glower at him. “You think I like you pushing me around?! Telling me what to do?! You think I enjoy hearing about your messed up views, hearing you open your mouth only to tell me that I’m wrong?! No, actually! It’s the most annoying and infuriating thing I’ve ever had to go through! How can you criticize Marianna when she does something you will never do? She tries, and unlike you- people actually like her for that!”

“If you hate me so much, why don’t you just quit?!” I yell back.

“Because! I was going to quit- to withdraw from being your partner- and then you had to go and save my life! Do you know how much easier it would have been if you hadn’t done that?! It was stupid and careless and it goes against everything you say you believe! I didn’t want to be around you anymore! But then you go and do something that most people would consider saintly and I have to sit here and admit to myself that you can’t be as bad as you seem!”

I just shriek, stomping my foot and snatching up my purse and the journal before I rip the front door open.

“Where in hell do you think you’re going?!” He shouts after me.

“Away from the ignorant b*****d who thinks he knows me!” I lash back, slamming the door behind me. The wind is muggy, moist against my face, and I detest it. It makes me feel as though I am crying- and that in itself is sheer blasphemy. I have never cried for as long as I can remember. From what I can tell- that doesn’t even matter.

I’ve already wasted all of my tears anyway.

“If you don’t want anybody close to you- what are you fighting for?!” He calls out the window after me.

“Myself!” I spit back, but even I don’t completely believe that.

I am fighting for something…

And I can call it revenge if I want…

But truly, I don’t know anymore...

Reviews

[EmaleighLynn]

Woah. Intense. This one is an amazing chapter, we really get to see some more of Kurai and Aura here. It's spectacular, the way you've evolved the conversation - and their relationship. Great work!

[Jared Grace]

Great chapter. Aurora is a state of confusion and indecisive. I kind of understand her though. "Bonds! Bonds make one weak! Becoming close to another person just makes it easier to get hurt, it is just another thing to be used against you! I have few bonds to things in this world, but even so the ones I have are far too many! I don’t need any more!"
She's right of course but no one can live like that forever can they? I'd like to see what happens next. I'm sure she will go to one side of the spectrum and cut off all bonds at one point in the story or will be forced to make a decision much later on. I dare say one of the best chapters yet.

[RedRozeNinja13]

Thank you for the feedback ^ ^ And certainly you are right, a choice is rapidly approaching, a choice Aurora will have to make that goes for or against everything she stands for. I do hope you keep reading :D