Chapter Two: Spidermonkeyfrogtroll=Annalise. It's a mathematical fact.

Annalise has never really been 'outside of the house' before....

The horse lands, and all at once I wonder where the heck I am, and what the heck it is that I’m supposed to be doing. There are so many people walking around- boys and girls in armor like Roboknight’s, people in robes, people wearing capes and cowls. We are standing in what looks like a foyer or a lobby to a school, a sort of main hallway….sort of. Because this “camp” is a castle. How many 16 year olds get to go to a magical summer camp in a castle?! Not many- that’s how many!

There are three statues that quite literally are ‘larger than life’, huge marble carvings that I have to crane my neck all the way back to see the great awe-inspiring majesty of. One is a knight, I think, he looks different from any knight I ever thought I would see, his face seems so grumpy, like he slept on the wrong side of the bed or something. At his hip is a deadly looking curved blade that, even though I know isn’t real, still makes me cringe. The next is a man who looks an awful lot like I picture ‘Merlin’ would look like. A long beard, a staff in his hand, robes that spill over onto the floor, leaving a few feet of what looks like a fun marble slip-and-slide. And the third is just a humble looking woman, mysterious and yet- not nearly as domineering as the other two. She wears a cloak and cowl that cover her eyes, the tips of her long air peeking out from under the cloak, in one of her hands she carries a sort of writing tool  that seems like a fountain pen-and yet somehow different, in the other is an unfurled scroll.

Braziers toss the glow from green, blue, and violet fires all across the space. The colors glint on the mortared stones of the floor as feet patter and drag across them. It’s like hogwarts!

Cool!!! I get to go to Hogwarts!!!

.         .         .

This is not Hogwarts. One- the “Dumbledore” is mean. I remember going to his office and he droned on and on about how if I caused any trouble he would wipe my name from the face of the earth. I retorted that if he even thought I was capable of causing any trouble he should trim his gnarly ear hair because I certainly didn’t sound like one to cause trouble.

Yeah- that didn’t win me any points.

He then slapped my schedule and dorm information in front of me in a way that shouted ‘you would do well to fit inside the box here.’. Well too bad senior grumpalufagus. I broke that box a looooooooooooooooong time ago. Mom says I break a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have touched…

So the gist of what he told me is that since the days of old, heros have always gone out in groups of threes. A knight- for strength. A sorcerer- for wisdom. And a bard- just to write down whatever interesting stuff happens. That really hurt, I’d thought we’d do more than just- ‘here, take this notebook and help where you can, but mostly just write down everything epic that we do.’. Pffffffffft. NO.

Prepare yourself for a new kind of bard, Camp Trilogy!

But to make my mark I kind of have to find my class first….I checked in my glitter bombed backpack- and I found none other than Sir Snuffles, my old rainbow tie-dye teddy bear pillow pet looking back at me. Mom kept me in the house a lot- so Sir Snuffles was really the only one I had to talk to. I quickly pull him out and hug him to my chest as strangers with blank faces and strange clothes walk past with no light in their eyes, no pizazz, no personality. Right then- holding him was like holding a bonafide fluffball of fluffy courage. Did I mention fluffy? Cuz Sir Snuffles is Quite fluffy. He’s the fluffiest little fluffball of fluff you’ll ever see in a land of fluffy fluffmonsters.

I’ve never really been to a real school. The most I’ve ever done is  go from homeschooling at my house to homeschooling at my grandma’s, and I really doubt that counts. Especially here. For the first time in my life- nerves actually set in. I’d read books about being nervous, but this wasn’t the same. I was a bit scared, intimidated even, to be in a place where nobody knew me and nobody seemed to care.

And then it happened- some loud brawny girl with a hood as black as nightmares rammed into me while she shouted something to somebody over her shoulder.

And everything went everywhere.

Sir Snuffles went flying to some far corner of the world unbeknownst to me, my glasses clattered somewhere onto the stone ground, where I was sure they were being trampled on by the constant march of others. The papers flew from my open backpack, and the springs from my ladybug headband boggled (Yes ‘boggled’ is a word) in front of my face.

“ You clumsy little whelp!” I look up to see a fuzzy shape with dark muddy brown hair shouting at me, I squint. “Who the hell do you think you are?!”

“Well, one-” I stand, straightening my headband and kneeling to pick up my papers.    “Saying ‘little’ and ‘whelp’ is unnecessary since ‘little’ is implied with the word whelp, hence you have just made yourself seem less intelligent. And two- my name is Annalise. I’m new here- I apologize for you being so clumsy as to knock me over.”. It gets quiet really fast. I can feel people staring at me. What? I hadn’t done anything yet. I was stating facts.

“Do you know who I am?!”

“Um, no. Not really. But from your tone of voice I can tell you are going to say something that’s supposed to impress or intimidate me, but it won’t.” I say, putting the papers back in my back and scanning the sea of feet for either Sir Snuffles or my glasses.

“Oh, you’re just a little genius aren’t you?”

“Well- I am often told that I can be the sharpest knife in the drawer, when I want to be.”

“I am Freya! Bard of Destruction! Daughter of Headmaster Dominus!”

“See? That didn’t impress me at all! Try again. Maybe you should do a tap dance or something. For a bard, your personality is pretty lackluster.”

Next I know she’s picked me up by my throat, She’s so tall my feet dangle in the air. I really didn’t mean to make her angry- I just always speak my mind. Mom says I need to work on  ‘Fil-ter-ing’.

“Who are you to say what a bard is, pipsqueak?”

This close I can see that her eyes are a stormy grey; dangerous, angry.

“You haven’t even earned your cloak yet, it’s your first day. So you sit down and shut up and maybe I won’t I have to make this really unpleasant.”

“You are not a very nice person.” I cough as she throws me on the ground again. Freya starts to step forward- but a blurry figure steps in the way.

“That’s enough Freya, It’s her first day. Cut her a break. She didn’t mean anything.” the figure says. She wears a cloak that is pink, pink like rose petals. Her voice is nice and sweet- but it sounds almost threatening as she speaks to Freya. And then Freya just backhands the girl.

“Hey!” I shout, but they just go on as though I don’t exist.

“Get her out of my sight.” Freya turns, returning to her prowl of the halls. With my blurry vision she kinda looks like a she-hulk, you know- except not green….and not with short hair….and with b***s (admittedly tiny b***s, one could almost mistake her for a genetically enhanced linebacker, the way her shoulders are all hunched up like she’s trying to blow a house down or something)....and, a sort of miniscule amount of self control….and sort of dirty brunette hair pulled up in a warrior pony tail….man- she was scary. SHE-HULK ANGRY, GRRRRRRRRRR. Okok, I’m done.

The girl turns back to me and helps me up, offering me my glasses and Sir Snuffles.

“Sorry about that. You have to look out for Freya, but not all of us are like her. I’m Macy by the way, Pleasure to meet you.”

I blink. This girl is…..she’s beautiful. She has sleek curled silver-blonde hair that flows like a waterfall, bright blue eyes as clear as a river, and a sweet and delicate face. Beside her I look like some spidermonkey tree frog mutation standing beside a princess.

Now I’m no expert on people, but I do believe if a pretty girl like Macy is being nice to agirl like me after I have just publicly been made Freya Dominus’ Public enemy no.1 - only two things could be happening.

1.Macy wants to be my friend.

or two.

-Macy is a pretty girl who is also into other girls.

And Honestly- i like option one a lot better. I kind of need a friend right now that isn’t just the fluffiest fluffy fluffball of fluff you’ll ever see in a land of fluffy fluffmonsters, and is also the world’s best listener. Sorry Sir Snuffles- but It’s time to share.

“I’m Annalise.” I try and give a smile again.

“Oh, I know who you are, you’re my rooming buddy. A little birdy’s been telling me for some time that a quirky new bard was coming to Camp Trilogy.”

“Rooming buddy? Wait- the birds here talk too?!” I gasp with elated surprise.

“ ‘Course- well, only some of ‘em. I guess talking birds must be pretty strange where you come from. And I call it a ‘Rooming Buddy’ cuz that just sounds so much more cozy than ‘Roommate’ don’t cha think?” She grins.

“It does.” I breathe- finally someone who understands the significance of cozy words! “How did you know I was going to be your rooming buddy? Did a bird really tell you?”

“Nah- It was my boyfriend, Cross.”- ok so option two was definitely out, unless it was a coverup.

“He’s a knight, there’s been a drop in the number of bards lately, people don’t really like to talk about it here. We don’t know if they’re just not accepting the call or if the magic just isn’t there- So when Cross they’d found a bard on earth of all places- needless to say we were very excited.”

“But how did you know we’d share a room?... and what do you mean ‘earth of all places’?”

“You sure ask a lot of questions.”

“ Sorry, I’m a curious girl. And I didn’t get out much.”

“That’s alright.” Macy laughs. She has a sweet laugh, it makes me want to make her laugh again.

“I knew we’d share a room because I’m one of the ‘novice inductors’, I’m supposed to help you get comfortable and understand what’s going on. I knew you would be mine because…. well, because my room is the only one with a free bed. My old rooming buddy…she died. It was very tragic- but I don’t want you finding out from anyone else, like Freya.”

“I’m sorry…..you must be very sad…”

“Well, yes, but it’s ok- you’re here now! I should focus on getting you established and cozy! And I say ‘earth of all places’ because, well, none of us are really from earth. It’s the least magical place anywhere. Take me for example- I’m the Prime Minister’s daughter of Terroga, the realm of nature.”

“Ok, you are officially more awesome than I will ever be.” I sigh lamentingly, and Macy laughs again, which makes me smile.

“Any questions? Anything you want to say?”

“Not really. Just that you are a really nice and pretty girl.”

“Thanks, I like your springy headband and rainbow pillow pet.”

“ His name is Sir Snuffles, maybe if you’re lucky I’ll let you cuddle him sometime.”

“That is so cute- c’mon, I’ll show you our room.”

Maybe the people here weren’t just blank faces and mean stares after all...

Author's Note

this story is mostly humor/comedy- so I hope you enjoy reading it ^ ^

Reviews

[Mittens]

I'll admit to being a little skeptical once the Hogwarts reference showed up. I was thinking to myself "oh great, another fan fiction from someone who's still waiting for their letter to show up". So let me just say that a real strength of your writing style is alleviating any sort of apprehension in regards to this being some type of "stock" offering; by the end of this I'm very confident saying it's a unique and intriguing piece of work that I'm looking forward to reading more of.

Some advice: I love your dialogue between Annalise and Freya. But remember that you have a unique situation to tell us things from her perspective. The reason I'm mentioning this, is because while we get a good description of Macy, what I know about Freya by the end is that she's large, brown haired, and has grey eyes (you get bonus points for using real 'grey' and not 'gray'). I know Annalise's glasses got knocked off, but I'm pretty sure you can get more creative in your description. Does Freya look like the Hulk on Steroids? Like someone put a Little Red Riding Hood costume on a hippo? Would she do well as an NFL lineman? Give us the unabashedly unfiltered version of what Annalise saw; I would love to hear her take.

Keep up the good work.

[RedRozeNinja13]

thanks so much for your feedback ^ ^ It really makes my day. Like I said- this is still a very rough cut and first draft of a story that started off with no place in particular in mind, and more details will be added in the rewrite. (By the way- funny you mentioned little red riding hood XD You'll see why in the coming chapters)

[Mittens]

You're very welcome for the feedback; you ave some real talent here, so I'm more than happy to offer my thoughts. I'm definitely looking forward to more, especially where the red riding hood reference is going. Can't wait to read more! :)

[Mittens]

By the way, I am eagerly waiting to see what kind of Wizard and Warrior Annalise gets grouped with. Are more of these chapters coming soon?

[RedRozeNinja13]

Yes- I just have to find the time to type them up ^ ^ i'm disappointed to say the other story I've been posting isn't doing so well with views and I may have to terminate it

[Mittens]

Please don't pull the plug on it yet; I haven't had a chance to check it out and if it's as good as this one, I'm sure it will pick up. Sometimes it just takes awhile to get the momentum going.

[RedRozeNinja13]

It's a bit darker, but much more suspenseful and what few reviews I've gotten have raved about how well written it is. There's still a bit of my signature humor in it though. I guess that's just a part of my writing style.

[EmaleighLynn]

Analise's habit of speaking her mind is hilarious. Very well-written. Love it!

[RedRozeNinja13]

im so suprised o.o this chapter got like, 8 views in less than a minute and a half o.o

[EmaleighLynn]

Wow. That's a lot.