Chapter One: Stranger Danger? Not Really.

Chapter one of Annalise's story, the first time she leaves home to see 'the real world'.

                 “Annalise- Get the door!” My mom calls from the kitchen. I’m laying on the couch reading. Because our house is the epitome of boring, EVERYTHING is boring. Interesting things only ever happen in books. SOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo………

       ‘The knight’s axe clanked against his side, the dragon’s hide draped over his broad shoulder like a sort of lavish cape- he knew what would await him should he reach the villa and they were not there. They would be dead, his family’s blood would wet the soil. So as he pressed his fingers against the rough boards of the door-’

         The doorbell rings again. “Annalise!” my mom snaps.

“UUUUUUuuuugh!” I groan, getting up and tossing my book onto the couch. Charles squeals in his high chair as mom does that stupid airplane thing with the baby food- you know that thing, right? It’s been forever since she’s even said something to me that wasn’t critical- ‘stop reading those books’ ‘stop writing those books’ ‘Stop squirming in public!’ ‘You should change your hair.’ ‘Why don’t you listen to me?!’, well gee- maybe it’s because I see no point if all you’re going to do is screech at me.

       I open the door, and lo and behold, there was a knight standing on our porch. I’m talking steel armor, battle axe. there’s even a horse parked in our driveway! How cool is that?!

             “Annalise Rinaldi?” he asks.

“Mooooooooooooooooooooooooommm…….” I call in a wavering voice as I take a step back. “Mom there’s a very confused man at our door….”

“Jesus Anna! Can’t you handle it?!” huh. Playing the stupid airplane baby food game must be more intense than I think. Maybe she was almost to the airplane baby food olympics.

“Uh…..ok.” I try and situate myself against the doorframe relaxed and confident looking like I’d seen girls do on Tv.

“Annalise Rinaldi?” the knight repeats like a broken robot.

“This is she.” I state in my really uncomfortable position. How do girls in sitcoms pull this off?! My elbow is bent behind my head and then jammed against the doorframe and my leg looks like its doing a little happy dance.

Way to go ADHD. Way.

              To.

Go.

     “Come with me.” he states in that odd monotone that is not at all what I would expect when meeting a fictional character. Man, this guy needs to step it up.

        “Sorry, Mom says not to places with strangers, particularly ones carrying potentially lethal weapons.”, I glance at his hip, where a battle axe gleams.

       He seems confused for a moment- and then mom storms up behind me.

“Annalise! Why didn’t you tell me he was here?!”

“I kind of did.” I state.

“Go inside.”

“I don’t want to. This is the most interesting thing that’s happened all day.”, honestly, finding out if the knight Ramon’s family really had been slaughtered sounded much more interesting than talking to robo-knight here, but I really doubted I could wiggle my way out of this one.

“Annalise.Inside.” she barks, her brunette hair scraggly and thin.

“If I go inside can I finish my boo-”

“Enough with the books!” She screeches, shoving me inside with a force that frightens me and causes my hip to be cracked against the hardwood floor. I stand up again, giving her a dirty look as I clutch at it.

“You said don’t push. It’s not nice.” I nag at her, just as she always does to me.

           “I’m not dealing with you right now Annalise! You are 16! Not a child! So stop acting like it! Your life isn’t like those frivolous books! I ought to burn them!”

“You won’t!” I gasp.

“Just go inside and watch your baby brother while I have a chat with this young man.”

“No.” I state.

”No?” She asks incredulously, raising her thin eyebrows.

“That’s right. No. I don’t even like Charles that much- you can’t make me do anything anymore. I’m running away with him.”

“Annalise, you are so naive and frivolous- you don’t tell someone when you’re running away, let alone who you’re running away with. Do you even know who he is?”

“Of course- he’s Ramon.” I stomp, confident that this was the struggle fraught knight from my book.

“My name is Travis…” the knight says in his robo-tone.

“Travis.” I change my answer quickly.

             “Do you even know why he’s here Annalise?!” my mother yells.

“Well obviously it’s to take me on a magical quest to a special world where I’ll be trained to fight the powers of evil. DUH.” I roll my eyes, this is like- the most predictable storyline evar. And sure, we could waste time on me trying to cling to my boring life- but why would I when I was ready now?!

            “How did you….when did you….”

“She is a bard.” Robo-knight dismisses my mother’s floundering, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“She is one of the ones who write both history and future. Her intelligence is past her years, as I’m sure you understand, Marie the Windwhisperer.”

“Waitwaitwait- my mom was a bard too?!” I look at her, with her thin hair and gaunt face and skittish brown eyes. No way my mom would have ever been that awesome. I’ve read stories about bards- they were the writers of history- with their spoken words, they could change everything.They could make sunshine on a cloudy day, turn a comrade into a vicious dragon to fight for them- or, my personal favorite, barbeque and flambe a rival in their own metal suit. No way my mom ever did that.

“I’m retired, Annalise.” she sighs, putting the extra emphasis on the ‘Ah’ of my name, in the way she always does, which always makes me feel like I’m at the dentist. ‘That’s right open wide Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnalise, Open your mouth so we can rip your teeth out with these pinchy thingies and make your gums bleed.’ well, those may not have been the dentist’s exact words- but they’re close enough. Point is I hate when my mom does that.

“But why- why would you give up a life that cool- that epic?” I ask, my mom was a bard, huh? I guess that means it runs through blood.

“We’ll talk when you’re older.” she sighs, and pulls me close to her in a hug- something she hasn’t done in a long while.

“Is there nothing I can say to make you stay?” She asks.

“Not really. You know me- head harder than a tortoise shell. ^  ^” I laugh, “I’ve got to get my hands dirty ma. A life indoors-a safe life- that just doesn’t feel like the life for me. I’ve got to make my own path, I’ve got to go on my own adventures and make my own mistakes. There are some things that even books can’t drill into me. I want to be brave, I want to have fun, I want to make real friends- not just have pen pals who think they know me. I may even want to get my heart broken, just to know how it feels. Just to be like everyone else. I want to get on a horse, fall off, and get right back on again. I don’t want to be the one who never takes any risks- because we both know that isn’t me. I’ve got to write my own story now ma- and there isn’t any author in the world that can do that for me.” I flash her one of my smiles that I’d tried practicing in the mirror, but like everything else about me- it turned out awkward and lopsided.

“Oh……” my mom smiles back, squeezing my shoulders as I hear the tears working into her voice. “You’ve been growing up all this time and here I’ve jus been too blind to see it. You’re like your father…..brave and hard headed….”

Let me point something out to you- mom never talks about dad, like ever. Never ever. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever. EVER. Because dad is in the navy seals, and he went MIA about a year and a half ago, just after my mom first found out she was pregnant with Charles. It’s been tough- because I remember him, and I know that she knows that I remember him. But she also knows that Charlie-bear will never remember him. We hold out hope that he’s alive- because he has to be alive. Because I think all of mom’s hair would fall out if he were declared gone for good. Besides- the majority of her hair loss was probably my fault anyway…

“Let’s face it mom, you’ve been blind to lots of things.” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

“I Know, maybe it was a bit more of what I didn’t want to see than actual blindness I think….” she smooths back my thick wavy hair, the strands were so fine they often tangled at the breeze in the wind.

       “You have to let go now.” I tell mom, “It’s time for me to leave, you have to let go now.”

I try not to imagine how hard it must be for her to let her first born child out of her arms to go mount a horse with a personality-less roboknight with the possibility that she will never see her again. It’s a bit more difficult to mount a horse than I would have imagined, but I manage. I look up to see mom rushing up to us with a hastily packed backpack of mine- the one I used back in third grade, back when  I had a glitter obsession ( Oh who am I kidding? I still have a glitter obsession),

“Take It.” She presses it into my arms. “Just a little bit of your old life.” She gives a smile that is almost as lopsidedly awkward as the one I gave her earlier.

“I’ll write.” I say, hugging the bag to my chest. “Tell Charlie-bear I said bye, and keep an eye out for my favorite sandals, and don’t forget to floss before bed, and don’t forget my birthday, and-” she slaps the flank of the horse, and it takes off before I even have a chance to finish.

                              But then I don’t ponder on that for long.

             Because this horse doesn’t gallop.

    It doesn’t trot.

It flies.

                 I wonder if horse theft is still illegal where I’m going…

Author's Note

once again, leave reviews if you like it so I know whether or not to post the next chapter.

Reviews

[A Human attemtping to E..]

YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA I READ IT OF COUSE I LIED IT ALOT>. BUT< WHERE WERE YOU AND THE HOZRSE GOING TO??? PLEASE PLEASE PPLEASE I GOT TO KNOW SO IM ZPROMPER HUH? BUT< I RESPEZZCT YOUZR ANSWER EVEN IF ITS NOT TO TELL ME OK SO DONT ZSWEAT IT GIRL MUCH LOVE IN ALL RESPECT AND PEACE NINJA YOU NINJA YOU.

[RedRozeNinja13]

Scene may be a bit rushed in some parts- but I do believe I was sick when I wrote this chapter and (against my better judgement)decided to write it anyway. The other chapters are more thorough and well written with a clear train of thought.(If such a thing can even come from Annalise XD)

[Mittens]

The more I read about this the more whimsical it became. Was it as scatterbrained as you described it? Yes. But does that actually increase the appeal? Very much so. The manner in which you wrote this really enhances it; one of the hardest things to do is establish a real sense of character, and you have done one of the best jobs I've ever read of that. While going through this, I am very VERY aware that I'm seeing the world through Annalise's eyes (and it's a view like being on a rollercoaster that got stuck in turbo mode and can't be slowed down).

I love the humour of this piece. For all of us dentist dreaders, "That’s right open wide Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnalise, Open your mouth so we can rip your teeth out with these pinchy thingies and make your gums bleed" is a fantastic line. And by the way, flying horse theft is generally frowned upon in most places, especially magical fantasy land. Except for winged unicorns; they're fair game everywhere.

Looking forward to more of this one.

[Patricia Williams]

Wait, how did she find out her mom was a bard? Like the dude calls her "Marie the Windwhisperer" (and we didn't ever know her mom was named Marie at this point). And then Annaliese is all like "MOM YOU"RE A BARD?!?!" How did she know that?

And why did her mom stop snapping at her? If she snaps at her for little things, like reading; when her daughter blatantly defies her, she won't just snap, she will YELL, and yell loud. Possibly even shoving her daughter through the door and closing it behind her, shutting Annaliese inside to care for her brother and allowing her to talk alone with the knight. Then we can find out that Marie is a bard and knows the knight and whatever else you want the reader to know.
Something could go on like
"Why did you come here!?!?" *Whispered*
"I must bring your daughter to *insert world name here*. As you have heard, she is a bard, not unlike yourself. She shows the same potential you did at her age." *monotone*
" *Sigh* I know. I had just hoped, maybe... I just wish I could keep her from suffering the same hurts I did. More than anything. I've tried to keep her from reading too much, but I think she is a stronger bard than I am, I cannot control her desire to learn."
more stuff happens, Knight dude threatens (or convinces) her mother to let her daughter go.

*Meanwhile, Annaliese is angrily feeding her brother or listening behind the door*
Her mother calls her and tells her she can go be a bard or whatever, and then she goes with the knight.
Keep in the mother/daughter moment though, that was sweet. :)
Overall I like the idea, but it moves a little fast and it needs more detail/realism.

[RedRozeNinja13]

this was a story that i started with no place particular in mind, and it's a very rough first cut. I'm fixing out all the glitches with the rewrite ^ ^. I know it went fast- but thats because Annalise is 'Smartly stupid' If that makes sense. She's eager to believe and grasps things that she probably shouldnt.

[RedRozeNinja13]

P.S:I know that you're right, I was really sick when I wrote this chapter and felt like total crap so It turned out pretty shotty and rushed. The other chapters progress in a much better way. I apologize for the inconvenience.

[Patricia Williams]

No that's totally ok. :) I understand it's a rough cut, I was just pointing out some things that you might want to pay attention to in your rewrite. :) I overlook stuff all the time and was just helping you not to do the same :)
I really do like it; and it did make me smile ^_^
I hope to read more soon.

[Silent Wolf]

LOL I LOVE THAT ENDING! "I wonder if horse theft is still illegal where I'm going..." OMG! ROFL! I love this book, and I CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE! XD
100/100

[EmaleighLynn]

Annalise reminds me of us. Like at lunch, when we jump from subject to subject so fast you can't even keep up. Very good. I love it.

[Catherine Frain]

Cuz I luv this story and I so luv Annalise. :D