Once in a lifetime...

A story about friendship & how time can tear you apart...

Growing up I never truly fit in...always trying to find a balance between feeling accepted but blending in with the crowd. I was never into sports or anything that required a lot of socializing, just wanted to be noticed but not the center of attention. At a very young age I started to realize cliques were being formed at school...& i never really belonged to one. I focused mainly on maintaining the couple friendships I had & felt content at least not being the loner in school people loved to torture. I entered 7th grade Not knowing I was about to meet someone who would potentially change my life forever...

Not having a sister really made me strive for a sister like friend who could fill a void that my two much younger brothers never could...someone who understood, you kno, girl stuff...crushes, boy bands, makeup, etc. & One day I met a friend of a friend...who eventually became my other half...she wasn't just a friend of a friend anymore...she was MY best friend and I never felt more complete in my life. It was one of those friendships you only see in movies...or dream about. Did god actually bless ME with someone who understood me & never made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin? He did & I was grateful.

I can honestly say I never expected to have a friend as amazing as she was to me. We had our inside jokes, we cried together, we knew so many secrets about each other & never once did I question her loyalty to me & I'm sure she knew she never had to question mine. We sailed through middle school with no cares in world & I loved every moment of it. With the end of the 8th grade nearing and realizing high school was just around the corner, I knew life would be different but It changed us in ways I don't think we ever saw coming.

High school, wow, what a change of pace. We weren't little girls anymore dreaming about dating Justin timberlake & ok with being plus sized TomBoys....we realized that celebrities
were out of reach & looking good matters. I started becoming a part of different cliques & made many new friendships. Her & i were also both part of a bigger group of friends. But she was my best & that in my mind, would never change. Suddenly we started doing separate activities & she sure branched out...she played many sports, including Cheerleading, she was awesome at that too. & i sadly was still in my band nerd bubble but no doubt we still loved to be around each other & it seemed like nothing could tear apart a bond as strong as ours.

The summer before our senior year was different. At least for my friend, she blossomed into an even more beautiful version of herself, she lost so much weight & people took notice in a Big way! She couldnt keep the guys off of her & she was even nominated for homecoming queen. & I was happy for her. She had reached a goal we both wanted from the moment we stepped foot into high school. Suddenly I was the fat, awkward, band nerd friend who was chillen with someone who should of been out of my social league at this point but she never left my side...until one night. The years prior she & I would go to school dances, just to make fun of the cool kids who danced like freaks & we had a ball...but at our senior homecoming dance she was asked to danced by many guys & she turned to me & said " just one dance k" ...one turned into many & so I left without her even noticing. That night i left with the feeling that our worlds that were once the same...couldn't of been more different.

Once high school ended she entered the real world with full force, got a job right away. Made many new friends, had boyfriends & A new outlook at what life has to offer,
As for me I was at a stand still, still hanging on to childish dreams & believing the real world
could never suck the life out of a friendship that meant the world to me. I held on so tight to the friendship that eventually she pulled away, & explored life without me. In that brief but life changing moment when we werent friends, she moved away, got married & had a beautiful daughter & I wasn't there to witness any of it but I wished I was.... As for me I had my bad relationships n many friends in between but every step of the way my best wasn't there..& I needed her.

Somehow, someway, god led us back to each other years later & it felt like she was never gone. I was getting married soon thereafter & on that special day she stood behind me, tears & all...I felt like I got through that day because she made me feel like I deserved it. she always told me I was worthy of love & knew my struggle & never lost faith in me when my own faith was non existent. It was a dream in itself having her there & ill never forget it. I didn't know it then but our friendship was about to make another drastic change & it hasn't been the same since...

Marriage took a lot of my time.....& sadly now her marriage was coming to an end. The feeling that our worlds were changing again hit me like a brick, and boy was I right. She found comfort & fun with new ppl who made her feel alive again...I felt like they helped her more than I did, dealing with her divorce but it wasn't always in a positive way. In my mind, the party lifestyle she was leading to numb her pain was beneath her. She had the potential to do anything & with me pushing her to change & begging her to stay in my life...I think she felt smothered by my constant disapproval and dependency on a friendship that lost its strength with its first goodbye. And just like that she was gone....

I was grateful to have a husband who knew I appreciated him & who made me feel like I could always find a friend in him when I needed one, but he also knew I missed her. He wiped my tears when I cried for her & he tried to make me understand that maybe being her own person without me and me being my own person is what we both need. I struggled with even the idea that I could never consider her my best again. That everything I believed about friendship & faith up until this point died when she disappeared from my world...but as years went by, I stopped caring. Became angry. Said things about her I can never take back & regret everyday ...all because I blamed her for taking away my belief that friends are forever ....

Now a days I'm back to blending in with the crowd, focused solely on making my marriage grow & working everyday to pay my bills...& find a direction to take in another crossroads in my life. I'm getting older & I can't help but wonder what's next. But there is one thing I do know , every time I find myself struggling to get through an obstacle , whether it be in my marriage, work, or life in general...I always wish I could call her up & Just cry, or drive & listen to our favorite emo songs & know everything is going to alright. I guess i just want to finally feel like that piece of me that died when she left wasn't a complete loss & prove that our friendship was really one of those once in a lifetime things you only read about.....

Author's Note

Please note this wasn't written with perfect grammar or punctuation...it was just a random story I wanted to get off my chest. Please be kind lol