Stay

Sometimes love is fleeting, but I can hope it's not.

Every day is quickly passing,
Each one of them a blur,
But you are always on my mind,
Of that I am quite sure.

As surely as the wind will blow,
Each day will start anew,
As surely as the world will turn,
My thoughts will be of you.

How your eyes light up with laughter,
Warms deep within my soul,
Kindling the flame inside my heart,
No longer dust and coal.

I feel the fire, building, burning,
Chase the shades away,
It flares with such intensity,
I just want it to stay.

I close my eyes and still can feel,
Your breath upon my cheek,
Your gentle hands upon my skin,
The way you make me weak.

I long to have you here with me,
Together we would lay,
Please be the spark inside my heart,
I just want you to stay.

Author's Note

Just a little romantic inspiration. Tell me what you think! :)

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

I see you have attempted to set up a rhyme scheme here with an 8/6 rhythm Katie. That would be fine if you'd kept to it, but it takes extreme discipline to maintain such a scheme. Then again, sometimes even though the syllable count is correct, the flow is interrupted or lost. In v.3 -
How your eyes light up with laughter,
Warms me deep in my soul, - would be better as 'Warms deep within my soul'.
I feel the fire, building, burning, - 9 syllables
Chasing shadows away, - the word 'shadows' throws the line - 'Chase the shades away'.
Always read each verse aloud, so if there are any hiccups you will pick them up straight away. Just needs a little reworking.

[emipoemi]

¡¡Bri-llan-te!! Absolutely fantastic!! Well done!

[KBW]

I'm in love with this romantic piece. It gave me chills and I felt the love you put into your words. Keep it up girl!

[Katie Lynn]

Thank you very much for taking time to read and review :) I greatly appreciate it

[KBW]

No problem. It was my pleasure!

[The Nude Writer]

Amazingly Amazing! Such raw power and romance in this one. I know this feeling well, and you really captured it :)

[genocide]

you're hoping that the love you have never leaves you I've felt like that before

[Teja]

Excellent work . Rhythm is good.
Enjoyed reading it. These lines clearly
explain love. Nice one .

[Katie Lynn]

Thank you. :)

[Gee]

Being a rhyming type myself I enjoyed the read.Like you, I too enjoy DLP's poetry and have had a crack at a couple of longer poems a La David, but obviously not a patch on his.

[Emily]

Beautiful poem! I love the added rhyming as well.

[Anastasia Rae]

I liked it, I think it flows very nicely. The message is clear and it's not hard to understand. I think if you out a little more detail in this it would improve it a lot.
--> I feel the fire, building, burning,
Chasing shadows away,
It flares with such intensity,
I just want it to stay.
for example if you sat it flares with the intensity of hell, or something like that it would give the reader something more to picture. A little elaboration goes a long way, and will definitely improve it. Other than that I really did enjoy it :)