But No Man

Long story poem

The day that I was born, I was set to take this journey to allow 

any man take full credit for how i lived my life, even if i said they wouldn't.

As the first male figure who should have taught me to fight this destiny, seemed to play 

hide and seek through out my adolescent years, promising what he shouldve, but saying 

sorry cause he couldn't but he would've. Not knowing those line's didn't heal 

but cut harder and deeper, causing me to pick up the pieces for every birthday 

missed, and for every tear slipped.  This lead me to be trapped to try to 

find me some one who could understand me but ended leaving me open to no choice 

but to be held down from a two handed force to a mattress that would leave my innocence 

lying there lonely as i left it, instead of where it should have stayed, but i chose over being cooked and tossed to the ground, many feet below the window i wish i didn't see through. 

As i tried to find my way out of the pain by silencing my every word 

and filling my blankets of tears instead of ears to listen, i found someone 

who could slip by everything with out questions from on lookers.

I finally felt i could breathe but it seemed that i couldn't escape the 

boys and men who seemed to believe they knew what i wanted. 

Copping feels of my parts that only i should be able to see and touch 

but the force to always be so strong, making me feel weak minded 

to any male figure that could step into my life. 

FINALLY, i shouted in my head. I believe i found my father figure and 

cried tears of joy and pain at the same time as i let anger out telling the 

one man that should have been there in this other mans spot right now. 

I fought for this man to be the male figure and yet of course disappointment 

swallowed my hope as i seen him let down the number one woman, the one 

who birthed me. As the reality seemed to strike me, i found someone to love me

no matter at what cost. Could anything really be perfect if there was anger in the beginning? 

As i fought for my life, literally, to love him. I never would have thought id allow myself to 

go so low to feel loved, to feel as if a MAN could love me. But the apologies seemed to make 

all that physical pain put upon me alright because it was out of anger because I did something wrong. 

But i had to leave, because i was still in search of that love that I deserved. 

As the time seemed to fade away i just let my words circle in my head to form thoughts

that would leave my mind forever through this right hand that wrote my stories on paper. 

I left the painful state to try and find myself a new beginning only leading a life that 

just hid my emotions and stopped me from expelling this pain and hurt. 

But i knew it was time when i couldn't remember who i was or what i wanted. 

As i found myself back at start, not thinking i would find my real beginning, i did. 

I gave birth to this beautiful child, who is a young boy, but soon will become the man 

in my life that i've always imagined that could love me for me. And i will encourage him 

to treat any young woman the way he would treat me and now, how'd he want to treat his baby sister, my beautiful baby girl. As she grows older i will try to lead her in the right direction to finding love in herself first before any male besides her father, who i can say, I'm thankful to be in her life. 

But i finally can tell myself that i will open my heart for love but no man to take full credit over me.