New Years Without You ..

1.1.2014

Rage ..

Anger..

Frustration ..

Disappointment ..

Hatred ..

Pain ..

Sorrow ..

Feel like I want to just keep punching the wall until my hands start to bleed ..

And keep punching until my hands get so numb from the pain ..

Here I am in my bed room ..

Been sitting in my bed for hours ..

Trying to think .. trying to come up with a solution or cure for my heart's pain ..

But it looks like it's contagious .. that my hearts pain reached my brain and it no longer can think again ..or process or even send signals to my mouth ..

I feel like I can't talk .. speak .. or even say a word .. nor a letter ..

It's new years eve ..

A month ago I thought we'd be spending it together for the first time ..

In a balcony view from that hotel we loved ..

You booked us a hotel room and made dinner reservations ..remember ?

Tears fill my eyes every time I just think that it all was just illusions ..

There is no balcony .. no hotel room .. no years together .. no nothing ..

Your 10,000 miles away ..with no idea what your doing ..

And im here sitting in my room grieving .. crying ..

If you made it up to me .. made things better maybe my heart could have felt it and the healing 

process became faster ..

But you didn't do a thing !!

Nothing at all ..

I wish you knew how much I cared about you and loved you ..

And how that one mistake you did killed me ..

I just wish you can take that mask of pride off .. and just act like a damn normal person !!

Come to me tell me your sorry for every single moment you caused me pain .. that I am your 

princess and that you will protect me from any harm and from everything ..

That you love my eyes .. my lips .. my face with every single detail ..

Why can't you just be different like I knew you the first day we met ?

Why can't you ?! you say you're still the same person .. no you're not !! no you're not !!

Look into my eyes .. gaze into them for hours .. kiss my lips and make all the pain go away ..

I can no longer breathe .. speak .. see .. smell .. talk ..move .. anything ..

I don't know why I have  no energy to do anything at all ..

I feel like I lost every sense in my body ..

I am crying and screaming inside but don't show it on the outside ..

Its like crying with silence ..

I don’t want anyone to see the pain I am feeling ..

I don't want people to see my weakness..

I was never weak ,, I was always strong and got over every single heartbreak , tragedy , pain I have ever experienced in my life ..

I never reached a point in my life where I literally feel nothing at all ..

For days ..

For weeks..

Absolute numbness in every single muscle in my body ..

This Is the point where I need you to carry me ..

Sorry isn't enough ..

I need you to give me my eye sight back ..

My energy back .. my full of life energy. .

I need you to give me your all ..

And prove it all .. prove it that you love me .. prove to me that you will never hurt me ..that 

whatever happens you will always be there for me no matter what ..

Once you prove that your sorry and that you will never hurt me again ..

I will ask my heart to take you back in ..

I need my hearts permission ..

It's not easy for it to heal after what you have done..

It might take days .. weeks .. maybe months ..

And if the pain is still there .. then I'm going to have to let you go ..

It's not my fault that this all happened ..

My heart was open and pumping for you ..

I never let someone inside my heart and made them really close ..

So you know what ?

If you want me and really love me and care about me ..

you're going to have to repair the mess you made and caused inside my heart..

Repair every single organ you caused pain ..

..Then .. my heart will forgive you 

 

 

I sit down on my knees and say my prayers 

God please help me .. erase my pain .. my fears .. and put a light into my body so I can wake up

Wake up to that sunlight ,,Wake up to that sunlight in your eyes ..and have a new and beautiful year with 

.. beautiful memories

..A new year with you 

Reviews

[00000000000000000000000..]

Wow full of raw emotion, I felt the pain the tears the heart ache, It speaks volumes and I found it awesome:)

[Sasha]

Yeah it was really hard writing it :/
Thank you ! Appreciate it !

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Your so welcome my friend You need an ear ill listen:)

[Sasha]

Thank you ! So sweet of you ! :)

[Ruth]

This is painful and yet understanding...each emotion graphically pulses here! An intense write that superbly voices turmoil and yearning, really does...stunning emotion x

[Sasha]

Thanks hun :) Glad you liked it

[Ruth]

My pleasure :)

[Saddam]

This is a long poem which I have read. Nicely done your imagine and as well as your pen.
HAPPY NEW YEAR...

[Sasha]

Thanks ! :)