The Land of the Lost

Nakushita

Come we will an the road is open,
Come we will an the door swings ajar,
The land we glimpsed longing from fens afar,
Shall now be ours to make or mar!

Unto the gate we shall be holpen,
There with ye forever spar.
Perish not, then; cry instead, "War! War! War!"
After, the doom lies no more in fist or star!

The land of clouds where suns rain down,
The land of roses where tulips are;
Land of the living where the dead croon,
Land of misery where joys scar!

Lady of our heart, bane of our soul!
Cradle of our carcasses, stinking hole!
Land of lightening, land of love!
Haunt of the eagle, refuge of the dove!

We come, O Land of the Lost!
We come in a trice, gauze bannered host,
War we shall, against thy woes,
With axe and hoe and thy own foes!

Author's Note

First shot at poetry.
Criticize freely.

Reviews

[Linzey]

It's not bad. I personally think it's much better that some that have been trying to write poetry for a while. I like the short flow for it and how it doesn't fully feel like a story about what you might be thinking. I was wondering if you like the use of rhymes or if you would try some that don't throughout most of it. But, overall I like your abilities in writing and this is good.

[angelina]

I like the feel of it. A nice ring also. Your poem is like a war within itself, at least to me. It's like there is a double sided coin that just cant decide which side it will land on. Or maybe I'm just interpreting it wrongly? Well your poem's really nice. Keep going, and you'll find your style soon enough or did you already? Well, anyways, you'll be able to do other peoples style like for example, Shakespearean or Italian or Spencerian. There are also others too. Fun to do!
angelina

[Calypso]

Great poem, but there were some typos.
"Come we will an the road is open,
Come we will an the door swings ajar," at the beginning.

"Unto the gate we shall be holpen," second stanza.

But good overall.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Great job, love the imagery put into it!

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

stirring war-chant eh? :D I like it, it has a quaint feeling about it, reminds me of Kipling...some good metaphors in here as well, so keep that up...good job, keep at it!