The Land of the Lost

Nakushita

Come we will an the road is open,
Come we will an the door swings ajar,
The land we glimpsed longing from fens afar,
Shall now be ours to make or mar!

Unto the gate we shall be holpen,
There with ye forever spar.
Perish not, then; cry instead, "War! War! War!"
After, the doom lies no more in fist or star!

The land of clouds where suns rain down,
The land of roses where tulips are;
Land of the living where the dead croon,
Land of misery where joys scar!

Lady of our heart, bane of our soul!
Cradle of our carcasses, stinking hole!
Land of lightening, land of love!
Haunt of the eagle, refuge of the dove!

We come, O Land of the Lost!
We come in a trice, gauze bannered host,
War we shall, against thy woes,
With axe and hoe and thy own foes!

Author's Note

First shot at poetry.
Criticize freely.

Reviews

[Linzey]

It's not bad. I personally think it's much better that some that have been trying to write poetry for a while. I like the short flow for it and how it doesn't fully feel like a story about what you might be thinking. I was wondering if you like the use of rhymes or if you would try some that don't throughout most of it. But, overall I like your abilities in writing and this is good.

[Marie]

Strangely good...I love your use of words' they have power and strength.

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Thank you.

[Chris]

I actually kinda liked it. Some minor flaws - but that's life and this is a second language.

[The dark story]

wowow.............it is such a nice poem........
"The land of clouds where suns rain down,
The land of roses where tulips are;
Land of the living where the dead croon,
Land of misery where joys scar!
Lady of our heart, bane of our soul!"...i really like these lines ...............if this is your first attempt.then you must know that your first shot is quite nice.....

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Thanks, glad you liked it.

[An owl on the moon]

A powerful anthem that rises to a victorious shout of the spirit! Your flowing form has a rhythm of the march, and could so easily stir the heart for battle...

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Thank you for a truly beautiful review!

[minato namikaze]

yes it is pathetic

[nigrum homonculus]

for your first try this is great! your rhythm is good and your rhyme is even better. well done!

[DiMar4u]

"land of misery, where joys scar!" loved that line. thank you for sharing. you should definitely keep writing.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the feel and the desire of this poem. Could be a lead in for a story. I like the flow and the strength in this words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Shy Girl]

I can see this being read in the front of a kings meeting hall. Has a regal feel to it, along with, what I consider, a booming voice feel. A nice poem. My first one, years ago, was just depressing. You stood right up and shouted a believeable point of view for your first poem. Far removed from self or life critizations. Like everyone else is telling you, as they also encouraged me, (on the site), keep plugging away with the pen. Oh...and don't forget to share, I have a hard time with that one, but everybody here encourages and gives positive adivice. :)

[GreenSkeleton16]

very good for ur first try :)! most people suck at first haha. this was good.