the evolution of senioritis

It’s another weeknight, and here I sit on my bed. I pull my tattered pink planner out of my bag and glance at the list of assignments. This is going to be tough, I think. No, I am not referring to completing my assignments; I am deciding which one to neglect. This is my last semester of high school, and the routine that I just mentioned is a symptom of acute Senioritis.

            There comes a point when you decide your homework doesn’t matter anymore. For several of my peers, that moment “came” mid-sophomore year, when students feel too overwhelmed to keep up with all of their homework. They say, “You know what? I just don’t care anymore.” What a stretch from the truth. Displaying severe apathy during the crucial stage that is known as sophomore year is one of the worst decisions a person can make. Pretending to be unshaken is even worse.

During my sophomore year, I danced through phases that contained several degrees of caring: _­I already have an A in this class, now I just have to keep it here, at the dawn of a quarter; I’m already too far behind. How am I supposed to catch up? after an algebra test, I absolutely give up. There isn’t an iota in my body that cares about this, while I was studying for a chemistry quiz, How could I do something like this to myself? What was I thinking? when I resurfaced from what at times felt like a downward spiral toward failure.

            The problem with pretending not to care is the fact that you’re pretending. Even though I tried to let my health come first, I was too driven. I am a perfectionist to the point where it gets deadly.  During junior year I became a machine, living by the principles of Work Ethic and Success. I was so driven that I prolonged my studies, severely reducing my summer to study at Harvard.

My summer session ended exactly a week before I was to return to Mount de Sales to start my final year.  I felt burned out by September, so I added some exciting perks to my schedule. No homework after 10:00. More three-hour naps. Ignoring class and writing stories.  Then I decided that school wasn’t for me and crafted an alternative life plan, filled with adventures on trains and solitude, which eventually evolved into my real life plan.

            My life contains an armada of distractions. Facebook. Teen board. Actually practicing piano. My dog Piggy. Looking up pictures of ugly dinosaurs on the internet. Cinnamon toast.

And then there’s the typical daydreaming about the future, the excitements that most people distract themselves with: the promise of freedom and parties, the stupor that is living independently. But I have my own personal category of college perks I am looking forward to: lying on a blanket on the grass and reading by the light of a flashlight, the gingkoes at Emory University, going to CVS to develop photos by myself. Are they things I have done before, particularly over the summer? Definitely. But I can’t wait to do them again.

Despite my diminishing period of time left in high school, my old self still dictates the way I tackle my homework. She tells me, you can neglect this for now. And I actually do attempt my assignments. They just might end up 80 percent complete and arrive in my teachers’ clutches drastically later than intended.  I have complete trust in myself and know very well that I can care about my studies. I always have. I always will. Nothing can stop me. Right now I’m simply enjoying my last stretch before college. 

 

Reviews

[Phibby Venable]

very fine writing..i think your inner adventures will always see
you through the dull stuff.