the noser

A juvenile and simple source of joy came to me on the Labor Day Weekend’s Sunday, and molded itself into my primary interests. It came to me without a name, and without a home, simply sitting on the front seat of my future stepfather’s truck. I saw it in the dark, and its side profile stared back of me, its eyes never blinking, its gestures never changing. But that’s the point of this invention; nothing may be changed except the nose, and this unfurls a sort of juvenile ecstasy upon its owners. A normal-seeming printed profile dwells in a short, cylindrical container that is topped with a layer of clear plastic. The etching of the man’s face stops at the brow and chin, two holes into which a thin metal chain is threaded. This chain unfurls a utopia of immature creativity in which you, in fact, are the ever-great Creator of Facial Features, the Master of the Noser. You are free to choose whether the good sir in your Noser will don a beak or anteater snout, a sort of inverted nose that smoothly glides into an open mouth, or a delightfully saccharine elephant’s trunk. Such an easily entertained mind like that of my own cannot take an opportunity as great as this for granted, and so the Noser stayed faithfully cradled in my grip throughout the next hour’s adventure. It came into Marble Slab and rode across the street to Wal-Mart and waited for a movie from the RedBox with me, and it was in my hands when we picked my sister up from the movies and drove to Sonic in hopes of finally getting some ice cream, and it stayed with me until I got home. I got distracted by the promise of watching Role Models and later fell asleep on the couch, but I was without my dear Noser.

 

I found the Noser in my purse this morning and decided to bring it to school. I felt bad for neglecting it in favor of actually finishing my summer reading and mauling through the week’s AP Euro assignment, and I wanted it to know that it was still my treasure. And so the Noser was once again in my grip while I rode to school and listened to Kevin Devine, ignoring the routine squabble between my sister and ever-aggravated mother. In seventh period which was actually first period, I hurriedly ravaged through my Pre-calculus quiz so I could once again cradle my dear Noser.

Maybe that wasn’t exactly the greatest idea, but I was too captured in my Noser-frenzy to care. It stayed with me and was cradled, this was how I spent my school day: pretend to pay attention, take notes, get through the lesson, Noser. Remember to behave, keep quiet, and don’t let any teachers see the Noser.

 

I have a problem with keeping my mouth shut. For the most part I can keep secrets, especially my own, but I tend to rant about my feelings and show off anything odd that I bring to school. I’ve shared things that I’ve written even though I swore to myself that I would keep them top-secret, and I extravagantly publicize all of my work that I am proud of, particularly the things that will definitely get into trouble. Because of this problem, I could not keep the Noser a secret; it was simply too glorious to keep to myself, and I wanted my peers to covet ownership of it. I made a mistake in this, and particularly did so by bringing the Noser to English. Though I obediently copied the PowerPoint on the Black Power movement into my notebook, my mind was locked on the Noser, and then my hand was in my purse, digging for my dear cheap toy friend. My neighbor to the right, Lizamar, and I then delightfully contorted the Noser’s features and let out subtle fits of laughter. And then the dreaded happened: Mr. Rollins strolled over and swiftly swiped the Noser off of my desk, leaving me to let paranoia seep in. My Noser! I needed that Noser back! I wasn’t being bad, I’d never done anything wrong enough to get anything taken up, except that myriad of occasions where a teacher threatened to confiscate my camera. I was just Nosing in my seat, and being good for the most part! I couldn’t deal with this pain and impatience!

So I simply stood up and stole the Noser back.

 

I’m starting to doubt that this story has any purpose, and I’m not trying to create a moral out of my interaction with a 99-cent toy. I am just trying to illustrate my enlightenment with what others would call a waste of time. What amazes me is that somebody out there knew that humans have a savage nature and therefore enjoy ridiculing others’ body features, such as noses, and captured it in a cheap toy that, despite its simplicity, can captivate somebody for hours, or in my case, days. Somebody out there knows how to entertain us, no matter how stupid or worthless his idea may seem. And somebody knows that sometimes the most intellectual ideas can spawn from the most juvenile and simple things, such as Kroger coupon dispensers, or legos, or Popsicle sticks, or even Nosers. Let me tell you, this somebody is on to something.

 

 

Reviews

[Silvario]

a very interestng write. honestly ive no clue wht a noser is - tho thanks to you, now i do. this piece - as you stated- holds no plot or lesson or point other than to share eith us your fasination of something so simple, yet potentialy riveting or even addictive. that being said, i must say you made it as intriguing as i believe it could have been - which is to say, very much so. this takes talent. and speaking of which, your writing style is very pleasing. smooth, fluid, creative and easy to read.

well done indeed :)