Alive

I promised myself never again.

But promises don't really mean much to me.

No matter what I tried, I couldn't stop the voices.

The ones singing venomous melodies inside my head.

Haunting me, Taunting me.

Making a mockery out of my sad, little life.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I clutched that knife and dug into my skin.

One more scar added to the collection.

One more memory stitched on my wrist.

And I'll wake up tomorrow forgetting it ever happened.

Forgetting all about this vicious night.

I'll look in the mirror when I wake up,

And see the blood stained into my skin.

Another ugly scar that I cannot conceal.

Another reminder of my pain.

But right now, none of that matters.

Because tonight, the tears finally came.

And those tears mean I can feel once again.

And as long as I can feel, I'm alive.

Broken? Yes.

But goddamn it, I'm still alive.

Reviews

[Lorry]

Sometimes the tears must flow, for the release from within to subside and be seen with fresh eyes. The pain within us ebbs and flows, but knowing it is in ebb, despite the thanks for that, leaves you in the knowledge that it will flow again, at some point. Kind of like a good time spoiler, you always have the fear of its return when calmness does pay its fleeting visits.
Beautifulyl written. Felt every word.

[Sarah]

Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed it!

[Lorry]

You're very welcome :)

[Chris]

A very, very strong voice...

[Leo]

There are sad poems that bring one down and there is yours, one that shows persistence and projects strength and hope..well penned

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review!

[Paul Bell]

Keep that in your mind, I'm alive. Time to get back out there where you belong.

[Angierosey]

Powerful.
Thank you,
Angierosey

[Notapoet]

I really enjoyed this amazing piece, it hit a place in me that is very familiar. Than you for sharing this beautiful write.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the kind review!

[Inject Positivity]

Excellently penned... I think the concept is very familiar to many of us, and we all have gone through this kind of feelings once in our life... The whole poem captures the true human feelings... How situations take us to the extreme level of pain where the we lose our sense of feelings... The poem has a deep feeling, it brings my own past memories of life... The most beautiful thing that I found in this poem is the ending, I think tears are the best way to clear away the pain we have inside, it's a window for the release of our inner hurt, so sometimes tears are good... And as long as we can feel, we are alive...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review! Tears aren't always a bad thing!

[CLBombay]

Just wanted to say that I love love LOVE the last two lines. It brings some sort of "oomf" to the power and strength that can come out of going through quite the hardship. Nice!

[William Liston]

I can feel the emotion in this piece, and I'm sure that anyone who has ever felt unbearable sorrow can relate to this. I liked the imagery you used, especially the line "One more memory stitched on my wrist" ... it really created a melancholic atmosphere. Also, I like how you described tears in a cathartic way -- as if tears remind you that not everything is bad, even when it seems like it. I thought the last two stanzas conveyed optimism in a very dark way, which is unique because usually, looking on the 'bright side' is described with a happy tone -- not the dramatically sorrowful one that you used.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem, but I think it can benefit from some slightly different structural and/or grammatical choices. Keep in mind that most of the critiques I'm about to give aren't really shortcomings on the poem itself; they're just things I would've done differently:

Let's look at the first stanza:

I promised myself never again.
But promises don't really mean much to me.

I would've worded it like this:

I promised myself 'never again,'
but promises don't mean much to me.

I would italicize the words 'never again' to show that's it's a thought, and for the sake of grammatical correctness, I wouldn't start a sentence with 'But.' Instead, I'd use a comma and lowercase the word. Also, I'd omit the word "really" because it's unnecessary.

Let's look at the second stanza:

No matter what I tried, I couldn't stop the voices.
The ones singing venomous melodies inside my head.

I would've worded it as follows:

No matter what I tried, I couldn't stop the voices
-- the ones singing venomous melodies inside my head.

In your stanza, the last line wasn't grammatically correct; it was a sentence fragment. Also, I felt like the dash helped to add emphasis. A dash is very good to use when rewording and/or explaining/ elaborating on something. In this case, the second line of this stanza elaborates on the 'voices' in the first line in a way that's emotionally impactful, so a dash, in my opinion, is the best choice in the second line.

While I'm on the topic of grammatical correctness, I must say that not every line in a poem needs to be capitalized, especially if it doesn't start a sentence. I would suggest experimenting with other forms of punctuation such as ellipses, exclamation marks, question marks, dashes, parenthesis, etc ... just something to keep in mind.

I'll gladly give a more in-depth critique of this if you want me to ... I usually try to critique works where the author welcomes constructive criticism (as you did in your 'About Me' on your profile). Hope you found this helpful.

-William Liston

[Sarah]

I do find this helpful, although poetry is not my strong suit. I'm really not one to bother with grammatical correctness on poetry, but I am a complete grammar Nazi! This originally wasn't a poem. It was more of a scattered array of thoughts I keep in a journal, but I don't really know what you would call that. I appreciate your critique and your thoughts regarding my poem, but, like I said, poetry isn't my forte!

[JoeReads]

great poem! it really draws you into the story from the first line. well done :)