Chapter 19

                         Chapter 19

Mr. Summers offered to drive me home, which I graciously accepted. He probably shouldn’t have left a six year old home alone, but she was fast asleep in her bed. She wouldn’t have known the difference. And he probably shouldn’t have been driving after those glasses of whiskey, but again. Wouldn’t have made a difference.

He dropped me off in front of Caleb’s house and waited to make sure I got inside safely. I cracked the door open with one swift turn of the key and walked inside. Mr. Summers drove off into the night, and I watched as tiny droplets of rain splattered against the hood of his car. The rain had lessened significantly and was nothing more than a sprinkle.

The Kepners residence was dark. It was late, and I assumed everyone was in bed. Slowly, I crept up the stairs, and into the hall. A light was on under Caleb’s door, and my mind was curious to say the least. I knocked twice before I heard him say, “Come in.”

I opened the door, finding the familiar boy laying on his bed. His broken leg was propped up on a pillow, and a book was in his hands. I didn’t even need to guess what it was. I already knew.

“Hey there,” I whispered, walking over towards the bed and sitting down.

“Hey,” he whispered back, his tone indulgent.

“What are you still doing up?” I asked curious. He held his copy of Catch-22 in the air, and I nodded. “Haven’t you already read that book like a hundred times?” I asked rolling my eyes.

“Only six,” he said smiling. “Well, this will be seven.”

“Why do you like it so much?”

“I don’t know,” he said slowly, thinking. “I just do.” I couldn’t argue with that. Sometimes things don’t always make sense to others the way it does in our heads. If he liked the book so much, who was I to question it? Ultimately, none of my opinions mattered. All that mattered was that it made him happy.

“How was the party?” I asked. I didn’t really care, but it was the polite thing to say.

“It was alright,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Got enough hugs and kisses and petty looks to last a lifetime.” I chuckled, knowing what he meant about that last part. “What are you still doing up?” he asked curiously. I looked at him unsure of what to say. I didn’t have a book to wave away his question like he did to me. I didn’t know if I should tell him the truth, or not.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I muttered, looking away.

“Come on, Charlie,” he said. “We both know that’s not the truth.” I looked at him. Even after all this time, I still had butterflies in my stomach when I talked to him.

“I was, uh, out,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, smirking. I went to tell you goodnight, but you weren’t there.

“Do your parents know?” I asked nervously.

“No,” he responded. What a relief, I thought. I don’t think I could’ve handled their confrontations in the morning. Not now with what I had just learned about my father. I had felt betrayed. My mother should’ve told me. Noah should’ve told me. I had a right to know. It’s my father. God, how could they take him away from me? My whole life felt like it was being flipped upside down. “Where’d you go?” he asked curiously. I rubbed my eyes, my cheeks reddening. “You weren’t with Noah, were you?” he asked angrily. I inhaled slowly.

“Yes,” I responded quietly. “I was with Noah.”

“Are you kidding me?” he nearly yelled, but I shushed him. I didn’t want his parents to wake, and he realized he didn’t want them up either.

“Caleb, I�"”

“No, Charlie,” he said. “How could you go back to him after you told me you loved me?” His voice was becoming wild, and his head banged back against his headboard. If he could get up right now, I felt like he would’ve pushed me to the ground.

“Caleb, let me explain,” I said tenderly, placing my hand on his thigh. He stopped for a moment and watched my hand. Remembering my sensitive touch. He sighed, but other than that, he remained silent. “I went to go see Noah to tell him I loved you.”

I watched him. His eyes looked up at me. Oh, how I had missed those beautiful, eyes. Emerald crescents on the outskirts of his chestnut eyes.  Pure, yet wicked. He shifted uncomfortably on his bed, his lips partially parted. I could hear his soft breathing. The only sound to be heard in the room. “Y-You said that?” he asked stuttering.

“I was going to, but I never got the chance,” I said looking down at my hands. I twiddled my thumbs in tiny circles around and around one another.

“Why not?” he questioned.

“Because,” I said not wanting to say anymore. I had never told Caleb about my father, and I didn’t want to tell him now. It wasn’t anyone’s place to know, and I was upset that Noah knew.

“Because why?” he prodded, refusing to give up on this.

“Caleb, I really don’t want to talk about this,” I stated, crossing my arms. It wasn’t any of his business. I deserved to have something to myself in this fucked up world where everyone knew every goddamn thing about my life. No one cared about privacy anymore.

“You kissed him, didn’t you?” he said as though he knew. “God, I should’ve known,” he said shaking his head.

“That’s not it,” I said softly.

“Then what Charlie?” he bellowed. “What is it that you’re not telling me? I trusted you so much and you let me down. Not once, but twice. And hell if I’m going to let you hurt me a third time. You just don’t get it, do you?” His voice was piercing to my ears. I didn’t want to see him upset like this, but telling the truth would hurt even more.

“Caleb, it’s complicated,” I said.

“What’s so complicated?” he shrieked. I thought for sure his parents were going to wake up. “Have you been cheating on me this whole time?” He was enraged, his voice furious.

“Caleb, listen�"”

“You’re nothing but a liar.”

“Vinnie isn’t my real father,” I screamed louder than he had. He was taken aback by the aggression in my tone, and sat still on the bed, eyes shifted downwards. I was shocked at the sound of my own voice, as though the words weren’t even mine. “Vinnie isn’t my real father,” I said again, but softer this time, almost inaudible. He looked up at me and grabbed my hand.

“I know,” he said softly, looking into my eyes.

“You know?” I asked, eyes widened. “What do you mean you know?” What the hell was Caleb talking about? Not once had I told him about my father. Not once. What the f**k was going on? How could he have known? It wasn’t possible. He sighed as I stared at him. Stunned at the words that had just fled from his lips.

“Everyone knows,” he said, looking away. His cheeks reddened, and he looked embarrassed at what he had said. Ashamed even.

“What are you talking about, Caleb?”

“The letter,” he said quietly, as though not to disturb his parents, although I can’t imagine they were still asleep after the ruckus that just took place.

“You know about the letter?” I asked confused.

“Yes,” he responded softly.

“How?” I didn’t want to play games anymore. I wanted to know the truth. Caleb stared at me for a moment but didn’t say anything. It’s like he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. “How?” I asked again, only this time sterner than before.

“Charlie, it’s complicated,” he whispered, trying to avoid the conversation, but I wasn’t going to let him do this. I was sick of that word. Complicated. Nothing is f*****g complicated if you just speak the damn truth.

“Caleb, tell me right now,” I muttered sternly. He sighed.

“The night of your birthday,” he said, embarrassed. “I followed you to the beach.”

“You followed me there?” He nodded, his eyes looking down. “Why would you do that?”

“I was curious, Charlie,” he said, genuinely, looking back at me. “I mean it was your birthday, and you hadn’t got out of bed all day. And then you left so suddenly as soon as it got dark. I wanted to know where you were going.” He paused, taking in a breath. “I watched you for a while, wondering what you were doing.” I was drinking my sorrows away, that’s about all I was doing. “I wanted to go talk to you, but I was afraid of how you’d react. You shouldn’t have been alone on your birthday. Not like that.” He paused again, remembering. “Just when I was about to go over to you, Noah showed up,” he said frustrated. “I hid in the bushes watching you two. I watched you talk for a moment. I watched him grab your hand.” A pause. “I watched him kiss you.”

“You knew about the kiss?” I asked stunned. He nodded. His eyes appeared livid, but he sat still as a rock. I shook my head. Was Caleb really there that night at the beach? Was he really there watching me? Watching Noah kiss me?

“I couldn’t believe,” he said, almost laughing to himself. Not in a funny kind of way. I was more terrified hearing that laugh than anything. “I followed him home,” he said.

“Noah?” I asked, even though I knew it was him. Who else would it be? He nodded.

“I followed him home. Well, not exactly home. I jumped him about fifty feet from the beach.” His eyes were looking up, but I wasn’t sure what he was looking at. I don’t even think he knew. “I tackled him to the ground, screaming at him,” his voice steady. I could the rage still in his eyes. “I said, ‘What the f**k were you doing?’ he said, ‘I had to tell her something.’” It’s like he was playing out a script in my head, and I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. “He shoved me off of him. I yelled, ‘That’s why you kissed her?’ He said, ‘No,’ standing to his feet. ‘Then why did you kiss her,’ I asked again, but he shook his head. ‘I couldn’t tell her the truth,’ he said, ‘so I kissed her instead.’” I stared at him in disbelief. How could this have happened? “I asked, ‘What did you have to tell her?’ and he pulled out the picture.” His eyes shifted away from the ceiling and back towards me. “I don’t even know why he showed me it, but he did.”

I stood up pacing around the room. Did Caleb really know all of this time about my father?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I screamed. How could he not have told me that? How could he have hidden this secret from me all along? How could everyone have hidden this secret from me? Why hadn’t someone just told me?

“It wasn’t my place,” he said, slowly.

“Wasn’t your place?” I screamed back. “I deserved to know.”

“I know you did,” he said looking uncomfortable. “But you never would’ve believed me.”

“Yes I would have,” I said, but he shook his head.

“Why would you believe me?” he asked. I thought for a minute. Why would I believe him? He didn’t have the picture. He didn’t have the proof that it was real. He was right. I wouldn’t have believed him.

“You still should’ve told me,” I yelled back at him, tears starting to form in my eyes.

“Why? So, you could’ve thrown a fit at me and gone back to him?” His words came out in a jeering tone, and I didn’t like it.

“Who says I would’ve gone back to him?” Caleb couldn’t help himself. A snicker evaded from his mouth.

“Come on, Charlie,” he said laughing. “Who else would you go to?”

He’s right, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand being laughed at like this. I needed to get out of here. Quickly, I stood up from the bed.

“Charlie,” Caleb said nimbly, but it was too late. I wasn’t listening to him anymore. He said what I needed to hear, and I needed to go. I couldn’t stay here anymore. I rushed out of the room, into the guest room and grabbed my purse. I heard Caleb hobbling from his bed, trying to follow me, but he couldn’t get very far on a broken leg. I pulled the keys out of my purse and held them in my hand. I practically ran down the stairs, fourteen in all, and out the door.

The rain was still coming down, but barely at this point. The sky was still masked by an array of clouds filling the entire sky. No stars, but the moon was bright. A bloody full moon tonight.

I hopped in the driver’s seat, and pulled away, screeching the tires as I went. Caleb had just made it down the steps and stood in the doorway when I pulled away. He didn’t have his crutches and must’ve been in excruciating pain, but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there.

I was still a little buzzed from the wine at Alex’s house, but I didn’t care. I needed more. I stopped at a local gas station and picked up a bottle of wine. I placed it gently in the seat beside me and drove.

I didn’t know where I was going. I knew where I wanted to go and that was the beach. But something in me told me I could never go back. Not anymore. It reminded me too much of Noah, and I couldn’t bear the memory of him anymore. Not after he kept this secret from me.

And Caleb. How could he have done this to me? Our entire relationship he had buried this secret from me. He wanted to talk about trust, and he had been lying all along. I started breathing heavily, and my mind was entering a daze. My mother, so selfish. My father, dead and gone. Not even my real father. And who was? Someone so cruel he practically handed the gun to his own daughter and taunted her. You won’t do it, baby. You won’t do it. What the f**k had my life become?

My foot was still on the gas pedal, driving. Not straight, but swerving all over the road. If any cop was out on the road I’d be pulled over in a heartbeat. Ma’am have you been drinking tonight? I could already hear their judgmental voices in my head. Make it stop, I pleaded to myself.

The radio was on, but I couldn’t hear the song over my thoughts. The rain had stopped now giving me a clear view through the windshield, but my sight was anything but clear. Hazy at the very least. My foot pressed on the gas pedal harder and harder. I reached the outskirts of town, but I didn’t stop. I could hear my grandmother whispering in my ear. Don’t go past the edge of town. But she wasn’t here anymore. She couldn’t stop me. I had to be going twenty-five miles over the speed limit, but I didn’t care. Pull me over, I begged. I dare you.

I drove down winding roads and straight highways. The headlights of other cars were blinding, but I ignored them. Only focusing on the road ahead. I wasn’t even sure who was in command of the driving anymore. It certainly wasn’t me. My head was running a million miles an hour, but my body was doing something entirely different. Not connected on the same level they needed to be.

For hours it seemed like I was driving aimlessly. Around bends, through little towns. Open highways surrounded by nothing but guard rails and wilderness. Thoughts weren’t drifting away, and I wanted the blade. I wanted so desperately for that relief, but then I remembered it didn’t work. It didn’t sooth my aching head last time, and this wouldn’t be any different. I needed something else. Something that would manage to stop the madness within my head. Something extreme enough to do it. Finally put to rest to pounding against my skull.

Reviews

[Mifa]

Interesting read. I must say, you're style is getting better by every typed word. However, I do have to caution you about the twists though...don't go roping yourself in and end up making things seem absurd in a bid to make it intriguing.

Good one though, Sarah. Good one.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review! My story is coming to an end, and I hope you appreciate the final chapter!

[Rebecca]

like mother like daughter....both addicted to alcohol, so they should forgive and become friends. just my thoughts. flashbacks to explain the holes in the story would help

[Lorry]

Well, I deserved that for thinking this would be the quiet chapter with the slow build up to the finale...(Note to self, never assume). Wanting to find out what happens now and can't wait to go on, but from the moment of the raised voices, to leaving and the out of control driving, I see it being a rather fast paced and chaotic final chapter....But I have been wrong before :)
Okay, gonna go straight to the next chapter now.

[Christopher Miller]

As with the car scene, Caleb's reaction to what he thinks is going on, in this case erroneously, is a bit much unless he's specifically meant to have mental health issues. When his head struck the headboard, I saw my daughter doing that, and she hasn't since she was two years old.
I was waiting to see why just Noah had kept the truth from her, but now, 'everybody'? No friend or enemy thought to bring it up? Everyone saw that note but her? It's built up into a pretty sizable conspiracy, and I'm wondering what is at the heart of it. It looks like I will find out rather soon.
I'm only noticing now, but a lot of these chapters end with her storming off or being told to leave. It isn't working as well here. She asks Caleb why he didn't tell her, and apparently he's about to tell her, but she decides it's 'too late' and flees. I would have expected her to demand it of Noah, but she wanted to go see her father. It seems she's want to know even more badly here, and she doesn't have anyone to run off and go see. Caleb can't leave either. She practically has someone captive who could give her answers, but she doesn't demand them. She just leaves. There could be a reason, I'm hoping for a good one next chapter, but it's arousing some skepticism.

[Sarah]

Thank you for the review. I realize now that I still have so much work to do to make this story the one I want to tell. But seriously, all of your critiques and comments are helping me so much! I really appreciate them all, and I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

[Sarah]

I've edited this chapter, if you would go back and read through it. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[Christopher Miller]

Since how he found out has changed, his prior statement that 'everyone' knew doesn't make sense; who is everyone? That said, this is a great improvement over having the moment she snaps left at 'it was too late'. Caleb's excuse for not telling her is weak and implausible. He says she wouldn't believe her, why wouldn't she? Why does he think so little of her? And his real fear comes through; it might drive her to Noah.
This works extremely well, since you're not trying to have him give a good reason. His reasoning is superficial and selfish, this coming from who she cares most about.

[Sarah]

Right, I forgot to change that one line. I'll fix that, and thank you for the review!