Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

Caleb’s homecoming was nothing special. We sat around watching television for a while. There wasn’t much else Caleb could do with a broken leg. Mrs. Kepner had baked a cake the night before and a few of his relatives came over in the evening, but that was about all of the celebration there was. It probably would’ve been more memorable if I hadn’t been coming home from the hospital too.

I thought it best to head upstairs for a while once everyone showed up. The Kepners insisted I stay downstairs and enjoy some cake with their family, but I didn’t want anyone to see me. I didn’t want anyone to look at the bandage on my arm and ask what had happened. I couldn’t take anything else away from Caleb. I didn’t deserve the attention.

Once I walked up all fourteen steps, I entered the guest room, and laid down on the bed. I could hear the voices of many strangers downstairs, shouting and laughing. Something they probably hadn’t done all week. I reached over for the bottle on the nightstand and popped a couple pills. My headache was strong, and I needed something to alleviate my pounding skull.

 I reached over and checked my phone. Four missed calls and two text messages from Noah. I put the phone back on the nightstand wondering what I was going to say to him. I knew I had to talk to him eventually. I needed to tell him the truth. That Caleb was the one I loved. Not him. I picked up my phone again and held it face down on my chest, tapping it slowly against my skin. The longer I waited, the harder it was going to be to tell him.

Without another thought, I dialed his number and waited. The phone pressed up against my ear anticipating his voice.

“Charlie?” he said picking up the phone.

“Hi Noah,” I responded politely.

“What’s going on?” he asked. “How were things with your mother?” I didn’t want to talk about all of this over the phone. I needed to see him.

“Can we meet up in person?” I asked hopefully.

“Sure.”

“Great, I’ll sneak out,” I said.

“Charlie, I think�"”

I hung up the phone before he finished that sentence. I didn’t care what he thought. My mind was made up. I needed to tell him that we were a mistake. That we weren’t ever meant to be anything but friends. That I was sorry if I had led him on, but that was never my intention. And most importantly, I needed to tell him that I loved Caleb.

I waited by the window for about ten minutes before I saw his car pull up. Caleb’s family would be downstairs for a while, so I figured I could sneak out of the house, talk to Noah, and be back before they even realized I was gone. I locked the bedroom door as though I were asleep, hopped out the window onto the room, climbed down, the tree and ran towards his car.

We drove to the beach in silence. He seemed worried. He asked what had happened to my arm, but I didn’t respond. That wasn’t the reason I was here. I had a reason, a goal, and nothing was going to interfere in telling him what I needed to tell him.

We parked along the street and walked side by side towards the trees. Past the tall line of trees lay my secluded beach as still as it ever was. I could still see the faint outline of our footprints on the ground from the other day.

Gracefully, I walked towards the boulder and sat down in my familiar spot. Noah followed closely behind, sitting down beside me. A tense feeling flew over me like a seagull in the sky. It was cloudy out today, as though the weather knew what was coming. I thought it might rain, not only from the sky, but from his heart as well.

“So tell me,” he said, placing his hand on my thigh. “What happened?” I didn’t like his hand there at all. It made me feel vulnerable. I scooted over away from him and tucked my knees into my chest. “What is it?” he asked confused. My mouth opened slightly, but no words came out. “Charlie,” he said reaching over. He attempted to put his arm around my shoulder, but I couldn’t let him. Even an innocent gesture like that was considered deceitful in my eyes.

“Don’t,” I said brushing his arm away from me. I couldn’t feel his touch. Not now, not ever.

“What did I say wrong?” he asked confused. I guess I couldn’t blame him for being perplexed. Just yesterday I had told him I loved him. And I did, didn’t I? Of course I loved him. But I wasn’t in love with him. I never was. He was nothing more than a friend. A vice to get me through the nights. Pitiful really that I had just used his comfort. Used his affection for my own personal gain. I felt sorry for what I had done, but that didn’t change how I felt about him. Noah and I couldn’t ever be together. Sometimes, two people just aren’t meant to be no matter how much effort you put into the relationship. No matter how hard you try, it will just never work. And it’s a horrible feeling knowing it will cause nothing but destruction.

“Nothing,” I said, unsure of how to approach this situation. The last thing I had wanted to do was hurt him. Despite all of the mistakes he had made in the past, he didn’t deserve to be hurt.

All of a sudden his eyes widened. His lips parted and he exhaled loudly. “She told you, didn’t she?” It was more of a statement than a question. His head fell as he rubbed the back of his neck. He stood up and began pacing back and forth alone the sand, leaving trails behind him. I looked at him confused. What was he talking about? Who was she, and what had she told me? But before I could ask, his mouth opened again and the words came sputtering out. “I should’ve told you,” he said stopping in his tracks and looking into me. He came real close and grabbed both of my hands in his own. Fear overcame me and I couldn’t break free from his grasp. What was going on? “God,” he said letting go of my hands and pacing again. “So many times I had wanted to tell you, but I just couldn’t,” he said. “How could I tell you something like that?” I watched him pacing back and forth through the sand. I rubbed my eyes in my hands hoping I would snap awake realizing this was all just a dream, but it wasn’t. Here I was, sitting in my sanctuary of sand, not knowing what the hell he was talking about.

“Noah,” I said softly. He stopped and looked at me. His complexion was disheartening. His eyes bloodshot. He probably smoked a joint just before he came over here. “What the hell are you talking about?” I stuttered.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, his eyes widening again. His face became pale, and I thought for a second he was going to faint. “Oh my god,” he said again, louder this time. His head leaned back as he ran his hands through his hair. Something wasn’t right, I could tell.

“What is it?”

“Charlie,” he said softly. His voice was shaking, and I knew this was serious. I was the goosebumps rising on his arms. The hair standing up straight. His lips were trembling, and I needed to know what the hell was going on.

“Tell me, Noah,” I nearly screamed at him. He looked at me, his eyes shifting from me to the ground. He closed them for a moment and held his head in his hand. “Noah,” I repeated grabbing his shoulders. “Tell me what the hell is going on.”

He looked up at me. His eyes so sad. A heartbreaking glimmer resting on the tip of his pretty blue eyes. He sighed, not knowing what to say. A groan escaped his mouth as though he was working up the courage to get the words out. He breathed slowly. I could smell the mint on his breath.

“Charlie, there’s something I never told you,” he whispered slowly, as though trying to prolong this as much as he could.

“What?” I asked, utterly confused. He sighed again.

“I was sure she had told you,” he said.

“Who?”

“Your mother.”

“My mother?” What the hell was he talking about? Noah didn’t know my mother. Why would he know anything about her? “Noah, what the f**k are you talking about?” I asked angrily.

He breathed in slowly and whispered, “Vinnie isn’t your real father.” I took a step back. What did he just say? That was impossible. He and my mother eloped. They ran away to Chicago and had me together. He was a goddamn liar. But then how did he know my father’s name? I had never told him that before.

“What are you talking about Noah?” I shivered. Noah stripped off his sweatshirt and handed it to me. Flashbacks from the night he had first kissed me flooded my memory. I shook my head, but he insisted.

It was just beginning the get dark and I could see just a glimpse of the sun setting below the horizon behind the clouds. The sky was getting darker and darker with each passing second, and not a star was to be seen. No angel watching over me tonight.

Noah shook his head, wishing he could take back the words he had said. “Alex left me a note after she committed suicide.”

“I thought there was no note?” I muttered confused.

“That’s what everybody had thought,” he said.

Following her death, no note was found explaining why she had done it. It was clear afterwards that she had been depressed for a while, but no one knew the trigger. Except Noah I suppose.

Slowly, he reached into the pocket of his cargo shorts and pulled out a piece of paper. At least that’s what I thought it was at first. I examined it closer, only to find that it was a picture. The same picture I had held in Noah’s room. The one with the words written on the back in perfect script. He held it in his hands, staring at the bright red words in front of him. He reached over and handed it to me carefully. He wouldn’t let go at first, but finally he released his grasp. It was like his only surviving piece of her that he couldn’t manage to part with.

I held the note up, close to my eyes. It was dark and hard to read, but I managed to make the words out in the night sky.

My dearest Noah,

I’ve written this letter out a thousand times before. To my father, to my baby sister. But I had never imagined that it would be you who got the privilege of reading my last words.

I could’ve written to my father and told him how much I despised him for never being there for me, but he already knew. I could’ve written to my baby sister telling her how much I was going to miss her, but she already knew. So, here I am, writing to you because you don’t know how I feel.

I live each day standing in a valley under a raincloud that only exists above my head. Some days it’s a gentle mist and I can put my umbrella down for just a moment to escape my bubble of security. I find the strength to hike up the mountain, finding the sun shining at the top. Other days it’s a hurricane. Torrential downpour falling down on me, pushing me farther and farther down the hill as I try to climb. Some days, mighty gusts knock me down, but I somehow manage to get back up. Other days, the water soaks through my shoes and rises above my head. Drowning underneath the flood, I try to keep my head above water to breathe, but it’s no use.

Today is one of those days. Finding out that you cheated on me was destructive. I destroy myself enough, and then you do something like this to me. I had given my heart to you. You made me believe that I was worth something more than I was, only to prove me wrong.

So you have done it. You have pushed me over the edge. You stood at the top of the mountain and pushed me back down into the water I have so desperately tried to escape. But I am not writing this letter to make you hate yourself. What you did to me was wrong, but this was inevitable. I had just been waiting for something to push me over the edge. Give me a valid reason to do it, and now I have one.

The real reason I am writing to you is because I need you to do me a favor. I need you to tell Charlotte Walker something I could never have the courage to tell her. I need you to tell her that Vinnie is not her biological father. I know you’re probably wondering how I know this, and it’s because I know who her real father is. My father. I ask this as a last request from me to you.

My mind is made up now, and it’s time for me to go. So as a final farewell, I want you to know that I will always love you and I’ll be around.

Love,

Alex

I closed my eyes trying to figure out what the hell I had just read. Was she trying to convince me that my father wasn’t my real father? This was absurd. Of course, he was. How dare he try to lie to me right now. I shook my head at him.

“No,” I said sternly.

“Charlie�"”

“No Noah,” I yelled back at him.

“Charlie, please�"”

“No,” I shouted. He took a step back from me. “You’re lying to me,” I said glaring at him. My breathing picked up rapidly, and my legs were shaking. I tried to stand up but my legs were giving out. Noah rushed over to help me up, but I pushed him away. I didn’t want him touching me. “I need to go,” I said, gathering my stuff.

“Charlie, listen to me,” he said fiercely. I stopped and stared at him. “Why would Alex have written this if it wasn’t the truth?”

He had a point. Why would she have written that? This girl didn’t even know me. She didn’t know my past. She didn’t know my mother. And she certainly didn’t know my father. So why? Was it the attention she craved? Was this her revenge for me not being there for her? That had to be it. There was no other explanation. But then, how had she known my father’s name. I hadn’t told anyone about him. This couldn’t be happening.

I thought back to all of those times I had seen Alex’s father. How I had always caught him staring at me. How his face had always turned pale as he tried to dodge my eyes, but couldn’t. Was this all true? It wasn’t making any sense. Why wouldn’t my mother have told me about this? Unless she tried. Is that the real reason she came here? To tell me that my entire life had been a lie. And if this was all true, why hadn’t Noah told me sooner? How could he have known this whole time and not told me. Two years he had known this dirty little secret, and he never once confided it in me.

My brain was overwhelmed with thoughts and even the sound of the ocean waves couldn’t ease mind. A light drizzle started falling from the sky, but I hardly felt it. I felt nauseous and unsteady. Noah tried to help me stand again, and this time I let him. I no longer had the strength to push him away.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said taking my hand and leading me away. The rain picked up, heavier than before as Noah tugged on my arm. By the time I got to his car, my clothes were drenched, and the bandage on my arm was heavy. Some of the water had seeped inside, grazing the edge of my cuts sending shooting pains down my body. It stung like a bee sting all down my arm. I pulled off the bandages even though I wasn’t supposed to for a few more days. The rain made each of the bandages stick to my skin. Noah watched in horror as I ripped off the bandages one by one revealing an arm of deep gashes scattered all over my arm. Some were shallow and nothing more than a scratch. Others were deep and required stitches to heal the wound.

“Dear God,” he whispered staring at them all.

“It’s bad, I know,” I said, looking out the window. His eyes were bolted on my arm.

“Charlie, I�"”

“I’m fine,” I yelled looking at him. His eyes were worried, I could tell. I guess he had reason to be. No one sane would cut up their whole f*****g arm like I had done. He wanted to say more, but he refrained himself from doing so.

“Let me take you home,” he said. His voice was poignant, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want him pitying me. I always hated that.

“No,” I whispered staring out into the rain. I couldn’t go back. Not without knowing. There was only one place I wanted to go, and Noah needed to take me there. I needed to go see Alex’s father and find out the truth.

Reviews

[Christopher Miller]

I was relieved that she didn't fall back in love for him this time... Handled much better than before, both in her actions and explanation of her thoughts!
My first thought at his revelation was, why on earth would he not have told her? I was glad to see she wonders it too, but I'm surprised she wouldn't ask him and expect an answer immediately. Too focused on the need to see her maybe-father, that is plausible. I'm expecting an explanation at some point, beyond "I wanted to tell you, I just couldn't." There's no real reason I can think of that he wouldn't. He had no personal involvement in the situation, he'd just be the messenger. It could be that he was afraid Charlotte would want to see the note, and that his infidelity would come to light. And that wouldn't be so out of character for Noah, who seems a shameless opportunist. Charlie says to herself that he's never pressured her into anything, but it seems like he does nothing but. He got her to drink for the first time at that party, and for no clear reason he was very insistent that she go talk to her mother.

[Sarah]

You're definitely right and I needed an outside perspective to realize I haven't totally answered all of the questions that I should have. I'll make sure to address all of these when I continue to rewrite and edit.

[Christopher Miller]

In light of what I just said about the final chapter, I don't know that an answer is needed. Maybe you have one, but the idea that she ends up not caring before she gets to the bottom of it, that it suddenly loses significance, could speak a lot. But go into detail about why she doesn't, in that case. Just not too much detail... Don't take the steam away from that ending.

[Rebecca]

interesting story. Not sure if this means Noah is her half-brother? I get that she's in love with both of them, but Caleb is her soulmate.I dream about my ex all the time and then wake up and tell my soulmate Im sorry. because when someone's your soulmate, you forgive them and cherish them.

[Lorry]

Feels like the story is winding up nicely for a big finale. Guess more heartbreak will be coming Charlie's way soon.

[Sarah]

Thanks for the review! Hopee you enjoy the ending!

[Mifa]

Hmm...nice twist. Expectant of the next Chapter Sarah. Good one though. Good one.

[Sarah]

18 and 19 are posted. Let me know what you think!